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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I have a problem hopeing you guys could help. My best friend invited me to this party last Sat night that she said was going to be like a party for women and a party geared to sell stuff for women, like bubblebath, lotion, or underwear and stuff like that and I agreed to go thinking Oh, it's going to be like a Mary Kay sort of thing or Avon-like...It turns out to be a sex toy party! I was so shocked because I didn't think it was going to be like this and they were selling sextoys and lube and stuff, and everyone was talking about their first sexual experiences, and I had had a very, very bad sexual experience which I told my friend about some time ago. All of this sex-stuff opened up new wounds and I left early because it felt like torture being around all this stuff and triggering past horrible memories...I am so angry at my friend I can't even see straight. I don't know if she knew it was going to be that raunchy, but she herself was looking through the sex-toy catalogue and asking me what do you think this does and wow, look at that. I just ignored her because I did NOT want to be there and I eventually left early because I couldn't stand it anymore. I now feel like, why did she invite me to that party? I feel like that was the most innapropriate thing to do because of the horrible sexual experience I told her I went through and then it feels like I can't trust her or tell her anything anymore because she's going to be in my face about it or keep on reminding me of it.I'm not a virgin anymore because of my experience, but she is and when everyone was talking about their sexual experiences, she kept on saying "Oh, I'm a virgin, I'm not going to do it because I'd end up hating myself" what was she trying to say? After my bad sexual experience I was depressed and told her (in all confidence) that I hated myself because it happened. Everyone else at the party was married, and she's a virgin (she made sure she let EVERYONE know) and then they look at me to share something and I didn't say anything. I'm not a virgin, but me and my bf are celibate and keeping it that way, but I'm not about to tell a bunch of strangers all my intimate details and I just didn't wnat to talk about sex or be around sexual talk and she knows how bad it affected me and she knows how terrible it made me feel-- Why did she invite me to this party? Why did she want to rub salt into a wound that was beginning to heal? I am going to talk to her about this, but I want to get myself together before discussing this with her and not be ultra angry with her, but just say what upset me and what I want to change, but I don't know where to begin. Can anyone give me tips on how to say this to her? Thank you
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best friend, celibate, confidence, depressed, my ex, sex toy, underwear Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lisa_01  +, writes (12 April 2006):
 you need to just sit with her and explain to her your feelings, i agree with anon i really don't think she did that on purpose, i have been to a sex toy party and it was really just a fun excuse to get together with the girls and drink wine and eat bad foods, maybe the only reason she invited you is because she did'nt want to offend you with not inviting you. i can understand that maybe your upset because she may of mislead or did'nt fully explain that it was a sex toy party, but maybe put yourself in her shoes, i think asking you friends to a sex toy party maybe a little bit akward and a little bit embrassing and she may have even been worried about offending someone. its obvious that your friend is proud of being a virgin and wanted to boats about it, i really don't think she was directly focusing that comment on you or to hurt your feelings. your blood is boiling and your upset and confused but i think you need to ask yourself, would my friend do this to me on purpose to hurt me? if your answer is yes then what is the answer? why would she do that what is her motive? i think you will find that the answer is no she did'nt invite you to hurt you,she invited you becaus you are her friend and she did'nt want to disclude you from something that was intended to be just a fun night with the girls.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2006): I would just polit(e)ly talk to her and let her know ow upset you were. Best friends are honest with each other and Im sure she wouldnt of upset you on purpose. =]
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