A
female
age
36-40,
*unshine8508
writes:I was wondering your adivce on the best way to talk about having space with someone and slowing things down a bit, without going overbooard and scaring the other person away. I have been seeing this guy for just over 3 weeks now, and we get along great he is a good listen, does a lot of nice things for me, and is very understanding. We were talking about sex the other night and im not sure how to let him know I want to wait a bit longer just to ensure that we are getting to know each other and thats something we both really want to do. I have not had some very good relationships in the past, and I really want to try make this one last by going slow. So any adivce would be great. Thanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (24 July 2010):
Just say "Not right now". I he really loves you, he will say ok, and not try any more, until you are ready. If all he wants is just sex from you, he will keep trying...Then you can tell him to get lost.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010): “Unshine”, you post a scenario which is specific to your needs and no one can really say what to do. Destiny is our legacy but this will only be realized in hindsight. If the guy is worth his weight, he will wait until you are ready.
On the other hand, functional relationships are the complete deal. Find things to do which will bring out the parts of his nature you most want in your partner. Then it will become a leap of faith for you to go to the next level. Behave in ways to project positive vibes and enjoy spending time on your terms.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010): Just tell him that you want your relationship to develop more in a social way before you take it to the next level sexually.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010): You can start by telling him about your past. If hes the gentleman you make him out to be he will respect you and be patient.
However three weeks is actually kind of fast. Did he bring it up or you? If he is bringing it up, Im afraid to say he may just be playing the perfect part. I have three brothers i have heard their conversations over and over. Its like they rehearse their lines before they go on stage or something. Be yourself, and dont be afraid to tell him exactly what you feel. If it turns him off, you'll know when he calls you less.
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A
female
reader, LoveIsStrongerThanPride  +, writes (24 July 2010):
 Smart smart girl....I think its a great idea and he will respect you more for that. Don't be afraid to talk to him as you just did on this site. Basically, you tell him, I really like you, am very attracted to you but im not ready to have sex, I want to take it slow.
Believe me, if he does run away then he's not a good guy! Good luck! :)
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A
female
reader, blue_eyes1981  +, writes (24 July 2010):
 All you can do is talk to him honestly. Just tell him that you like him a lot but you would prefer to work up to sex slowly. If he is into you he will respect your wishes if not he will go or try to persuade you. But please never have sex with a guy just to try and keep him.No man is worth that.
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