A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:well i have posted about an ongoing dilema in my life. im young and pregnant. i'm living on my own, i work hard and study hard for the future of my baby. my family is far away and the baby's dad, who was everything to me broke my heart and i have lost all contact with him. i'm 7 months pregnant and i still don't feel much emotional attachment to my baby, i cry everyday because my heart is so broken. i'm worried, i'm a first time mom, i don't understand many of the feelings inside of me. at first i wanted an abortion, but i do realize this is an innocent human being that deserves life and love. it's a surprise baby, i will know the sex until birth. to all moms out there, is it normal to not feel like this is real yet? i feel the baby moving but i still can't believe it. to top it off, at 7 months my belly is very small and with some clothes i don't even look pregnant. please share some experiences about pregnancy with me. by the way, my age is messed up on the profile. i'm in my twenties and i'm a psychology student.
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female
reader, Aussie Yvette  +, writes (11 October 2010):
I'm not sure why people are saying you are too young to be a mum when most of them were probably in their 20's when they started their families...However, I can empathise with your situation and see why it is daunting. I can only talk about my own situation though, and that is, just married and then falling pregnant when I never wanted to be a mum. Its not in me to be a mum. I had our baby, hes just turned six. I find every day a struggle. Its still not natural to look after my son, to be a mum to him. I don't know how to relate to him, how to play with him, I feel like such a failure. I have not connected with him yet. I still remember my labour like it was this morning.
4 months ago I fell pregnant again. We had managed to not get pregnant for five years, and some how we slipped up. So now I am going through all these feelings of disbelief again. Even worse is that we both won't be working next year. My husband will be studying, and I will be a stay at home mum. I don't know how I'm going to cope if I don't connect with this baby. I have done years of counselling etc and it hasn't helped. My husband loves children and is so wonderful. I've never had to ask him to 'babysit' so I can go to the shops, or go out with a friend. He has taken on his half of parenting like its natural.
You have the benefit of not having a man who secretly resents losing you to your new baby. You get to chose bubs routine, they way he/she is parented. You just need to make sure you make friends with people who can share your burden as well.
I think you are doing great, and if you are like me, will do what you have to to get your baby to adult years alive and emotionally intact.
A
female
reader, DominoHI  +, writes (14 August 2010):
Wow. I just read this, and I something compelled me to reply. First of all sweetie, you def aren't alone. It'snormal (well normal by my standards) to not feel alotof attachment. You sound quite young, scared, and you are miles away from anyone who cares for you. You have a ridiculous jerk of an ex-boyfriend,and are experiencing some strained finances. That alone is tough to deal with, little on adding a baby and a ton of pregnancy hormones to the equation. You sound like a very sweet girl,with a good heart. You have acknowledged that your baby deserves love and all the great things you can give him. I think you def are doing that, just by taking care of your body,and considering the little one growing inside you. Kudos on furthering your education, that will also save you in ways you may not even realize, in the future.
I am curious to know what country you live in? As you may want to also consider adoption, or late-term abortion. I am not sure where your stance is on either of those options, but w/o trying to offend you, don't listen to people who say it's wrong. You have to weigh the good vs the bad of all three options, and see which may work the best.
I, myself, am just about 9 weeks pregnant and def at times don't feel ready. I feel like my life had just started to take off, and now I have to settle down a little.
I am fortunate enough to be in a good situation with the father, we just bought a house,and are comfortable.
Several years ago though, I was exactly where you were, and decided an abortion was the best choice for me at the time. I don't regret it, it saved me AND the unborn child from a really tough life with an undereducated and lost young girl for a mom. That being said you sound far more mature than I was back then, and I think you will do just fine being a mom for the first time.
I would love an update from you, as your post seriously has me intruiged!
Good Luck either way,
The world is your oyster, you can still live all your dreams-just with the luxury of having a beautiful sidekick holding your hand the whole way though :)
XOXOXO
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone! great answers. i'd love to read more. and congrats to all the pregnant ladies
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010): i'm eight months pregnant and alone and trying to work as hard as i can for both of our futures. I have grown to love my baby over the last 2 months but before that, i didn't want him and i certainly wasn't ready for him. I still feel some of those feelings and i still feel the urge to run away but i kind of figured what i am going through is normal. I didn't want him but i have him, i'm not ready for him but perhaps one day i will be ... motherhood for me isn't something natural in built in me, its gonna be hard i think but i'm prepared to give it a chance. This baby is something i am gonna learn to love and learn to look after ... motherhood for me i think is gonna be a case of learn by doing. I'm terrified but I think that is okay ... i also don't look pregnant, very limited people know. I know a pet is slightly different than a child but each pet i've got i didn't love straight away, i grew to know them and their unique personalities and i found that in time ... they were not my pets but more like my friends and family, i couldn't part with them even if i wanted now. My baby is sort of like my obligation for now, i do love him more than i did but i think given time ... my feelings for him will be stronger as i get to know him and love him and spend time with him. I think i'll coime to a point, like i did with the pets, where i will never be able to let him go because he has become such a part of me and such a big part of my life. Everyone reacts to pregnancy and motherhood different, please don't think that you are NOT normal because how you react is normal for you ... perhaps it might help just to talk more, get your feelings out, is there a friend or someone you can lean on for a little while? Time and talking in my experience are great healing tools ... i say give motherhood a shot, you'll get there in the end and no one is perfect in the beginning.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010): Im 8 months pregnant,feel so close to my unborn baby.il know the sex after birth too.the father is not alwys with me but we are gud.i envy u for not choosing abortion.gud luck
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female
reader, honeychild23 +, writes (24 July 2010):
when i found out i was pregnant wit my daughter, i was only 16 yrs old. i was scared to death n i was also confused. her dad is a rapist, thats how she came about. for a while it took me a long time to feel emotionally attached to her. the day i had her, i was alone n the room wit her n i realized, im the only person she is counting on to take care of her. from that moment on, i felt emotionally attached to her. i decided to go to counseling and everything. n so far, things r pretty decent for us. i guess what im trying to say is, ur gonna b ok. dont doubt urself, u jus need to give urself some time :-) dont dwell n the fact that the father of ur baby n u broke up. thats gonna b the last thing on ur mind once u c that beautiful baby of urs:-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni did state that i'm in my 20´s and financially i'm not too bad.
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male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (24 July 2010):
My dear, you have no idea what you will miss if you had give this up. Well, I feel bad for the dad, because he has no idea what he is going to miss.
A baby is a little you, and will grow up to be just like you. But the good part is.. you get to live a second life by correcting the mistakes you made in your life, through your child. That is the hard part.
You did not need a man to carry a baby for nine months, you make your own milk, and you are the mother, the one only mother!
So, life will be hard at first, but guess what??? If you pull this off... you would be the most awesome person in your child's life...like wonder woman.
You are woman...better than us men...how??? Without you, we would not be here. Get me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010): Seriously, put your babys interests first and find a wonderful, stable family to raise him or her and give them a wonderful life. Your too young to raise a kid and keeping it and not giving it the opportunities may be a bit selfish.
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