A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I split up with my ex after discovering his infidelity. We have 3 children together who he still sees every other weekend and we have stayed amicable.2 weeks ago he went silent for about a week. He told me yesterday he is struggling with his mental health and took an overdose. He lives with his parents currently. He’s made no secret of the fact he regrets what he did but also says if he hadn’t been caught he had no intention of giving up the other woman. He wants us to give it another go but I won’t. He’s saying he can’t live without me and the children and he wishes he could turn back the clock. We were together for 14 years and split up a year ago. I don’t want him back but I hate the thought of him being so upset that he would consider ending it all. I don’t know how to help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2020): Every single time he threatens to off himself call the police.They will put him in a mental ward for observation.But you call them every time.Sooner or later he will get sick of getting locked up and stop manipulating you.Yes he is playing you big time but you know if he is playing mental illness and saying he is gonna off himself he should be in a mental ward to learn actions have consequences.Do not take him back.Be smart.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (25 March 2020):
 I wonder how much thought he gave to YOU being upset when he was having it away with his other woman? It doesn't take a genius to work out how hurt his long term partner and the mother of his children would be by him messing around with another woman but he carried on regardless. He happily risked losing you and his children for the sake of what?
Nobody knows whether he really did attempt to overdose or is just saying it to pull at your heart strings. He is still seeing his kids. You are still being courteous to him. The pain he has inflicted on you, your children and himself is not your responsibility. You cannot "fix" HIS pain for him; you need to focus on yourself and your children. He has to come to terms with having screwed up your relationship and move on with his life. You are entitled to protect yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2020): Emotional-blackmail is nothing more than a form of manipulation.
It never ceases to amaze me how remorseful and distressed people get only after they get caught!!! A 14-year relationship and three kids wasn't enough deterrent?
Urge him to seek therapy, if he feels he will do himself harm. His parents should be notified of what he told you. They should be alerted if he's serious.
You're human. Of course you would be concerned about the father of your children doing himself harm; but if he's that unstable, then he needs to see a therapist more than he needs you right-now. What would be the next thing to trigger him suicidal?
If you don't want him back, don't take him back. Don't be coerced or blackmailed into anything. He made his bed, now let him sleep in it.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 March 2020):
 He said if he hadn't been caught he would not have given up the other woman ….
He made his choice when he said that, let him take his mental problems to her, after all she helped him to get where he is now.
You made the right call in ending it, he is now starting to reap the rewards of the seeds he chose to sow, don't fall for his bullshit, he just wants his old comfortable life back, if he wants to sort his mental problems out give him the name and phone number of a counselling service.
Don't fall for it, if you take him back his behaviour and sense of entitlement will be much worse because he got away with it before.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2020): He's just trying to guilt you into going back to him. Did he care how his cheating would make you feel? No he still did it. Did he care that if he got caught he would break his family apart? No he still risked it. He risked you and his kids for some chick on the side. He doesn't care or he wouldn't of done in the first place now he'll say what ever to get you back so he can have his family and side piece. Tell him to therapy and leave it as his problem, it's up to him to get help.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (24 March 2020):
He is not thinking about killing himself. He is trying to guilt you into taking him back. Do not fall for it. The next time he tries this gambit tell him you’re sorry but he needs to seek professional help. He won’t because he doesn’t need it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2020): His saying he had no intention of giving up the other woman had he not gotten caught would be enough for me to not take him back OR feel sorry for him, if I were you. I know you said you don’t want him back, but don’t do it out of pity either. Don’t let him manipulate you, and try to stop feeling sorry for him. Remember, he did this to himself. Had he not been a cheater, he’d still have you and the kids. He also hasn’t shown genuine remorse for his cheating. It’s a total contradiction for him to say he regrets it, but then say if he hadn’t gotten caught he would’ve just continued cheating. I can’t respect that way of thinking.
My personal belief is that he is lying about his mental health as a way to get back with you. He knows you well, after being with you for 14 years, and knows what buttons to push. He will still want everything his own way like before, only this time he would be more clever in covering his tracks. You’d never be able to trust him, as he has shown no interest in becoming a trustworthy person. If you feel you must help, recommend he see a medical professional. This is out of your hands. However, It seems more like he is making it up.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (24 March 2020):
 M A N I P U L A T I O N This is a textbook example. Stand your ground. You and your kids needs stability. Don't try to help him. He doesn't want help, he wants you back, he wants his affair to continue, and he wants to taken care of as the victim.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 March 2020):
 He took an overdose - says he. Statistically speaking, it's much more probable he went silent... because he was dealing with a massive hangover, or went away somewhere for a nice little jaunt, etc.: and this , said not just out of sheer cynicism, but as someone who had extensive and specific training in effecting suicide prevention , and dealing with suicidal attempts.
Many,many such " attempts " are people crying wolf to get attention , or to get what they want through emotional blackmail, or to make the " offending " party feel guilty .
Anyway, regardless of that , I think that in life one has to make one's choices, be aware that every choice has consequences, and be willing to own those choices and to live with their consequences.
In your case, it cuts both ways. As your husband knew, I suppose, that his infidelity could cost him his relationship, now it is just ridicolous and indecorous that he goes bellyaching because he'd prefer he could misbehave with no consequences. As for you, if in your book infidelity is a dealbreaker, then you have done the only right, logical, healthy, self -respecting thing you could have done, i.e. to declare your " deal " ( relationship ) officially and irreparably broken. End of. Your role in this story is concluded and terminated.
If he really needs to deal with the emotional fallout deriving from °his° actions, I suppose he can resort to doctors or psychologists or helplines etc.etc. as he sees fit. You are not the person that could, or should, help him, in this current predicament.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (24 March 2020):
 That’s really not your problem, as honeypie said he’s emotionally blackmailing him. HE didn’t give a fuck about YOU when he was screwing some other woman, so why should YOU give a fuck about HIM now he’s sad that he got caught? He made his bed so he can lie in it.
If he needs help then he needs to seek it for himself, you’re not his therapist so he shouldn’t be trying to act like you are. If you want to help him then point him in the direction of some professional help and keep the conversation about your children.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2020): It's very cheeky and entitled of him to inform you that he wouldn't have given up cheating on you if he hadn't been discovered and then to say that he wants you back and to try to guilt trip you into doing what he wants.I understand that you're worried about him, but you cant help him OP. That all has to come from him.Bear in mind that this may be a manipulation tactic to get you to take him back. Stand firm. You cant take him back and you cant help him with his mental health problems.Maybe advise him to seek professional help if you haven't already. Then stand back. It's nothing that you can help him with.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 March 2020):
 Well, I understand why you feel sorry for him. But I also think he is being unfair is trying to emotionally blackmail you into getting back together.
I would suggest you talk to him about seeking help from a doctor/therapist so he can does with his mental health.
You CAN NOT fix his mental health issues by taking him back. You know that right?
ONLY he can work on fixing them, BY getting help.
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