A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I really like this guy and he really likes me but he doesnt know I'm a virgin and I'm not planning on telling him. I've told him that I haven't slept with anyone for over a year but have said I have had one sexual partner. There is no way I am telling him. I've broken my hymen so if I sleep with him he won't know, but I'm scared to sleep with him because he might think I'm rubbish. Plus i've never given any type of oral sex so i'm worried about that too. I really like him and just want to do It but I keep flaking out, I'm just worried that I'll be rubbish. Can I be? I watch porn and know the basics and sex and blow jobs so I just hope I'll know what I'm doing. Is that ok? Do you think it will be really obvious or that he'll just think I'm rubbish? Is there any way I can be good/ok at sex if I just act confident, is there such thing as awful sex from a guys view on a girl? Any how about blowjobs, can they be awful? I know you have to avoid teeth (which I find quite hard when I practice on my vibrator) and use your hands, but I also find when I practice that I make sucky noises sometimes, is that normal? I know there are alot of questions, I just need advice! Thankyou!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): I am 21 and I am a virgin. My bf actually loves that fact that I'm a virgin. We are planning on making love and he tells me how special he feels that I have chosen to lose my virginity with him... I am so nervous about doing it and he knows about it... I can't imagine how nervous you should be! Tell him and you will relax a bit more, he will help/guide you, he will be more careful too and your first experience will probably be much nicer than if you leave him in the dark. The first time one has sex just happens once in a life time. It is an important step. it matters. It affects you. You will remember and have to live with it for the rest of your life. That is way you should THINK ABOUT YOURSELF more. You are just thinking and worrying about pleasing him; about his experience with you. What about you? He may have already had sex. So independently on how much he loves, he has already done it, it doesn't have as much importance to him as it has to you. And if he loves you, he will want to make this unique experience for you as much pleasurable, pain free and romantic as possible. He wouldn't want it any other way. Come true, explain to him why you lied, be honest, he will understand, no one is insecurity-free! Moreover you will become closer after you have had an honest, truthful conversation.
A
female
reader, Aunty Abzy +, writes (10 June 2011):
 He will know your not a virgin !!
If he has been with a few people he will realise that you have never had sex before cos trust me the first times not all that enjoyable as you'r nervous and worried. tell him the truth theres no point in lying too him
xx
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A
female
reader, silverlining +, writes (29 May 2011):
 I did the same thing when i was younger and ended up telling him the truth! he was kinda chuffed that he was my first and im gld i did tell him as he went to a lot of trouble to make it memorable! Be honest its always the best way
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): Lying is not the way to start any relationship. Clear this up BEFORE you have sex.
Explain.
By the way, you can't be a good lover without practicing with the person you are making love to. You need to know what they need and want, and that is different for everyone.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): You're looking at this like a woman looks at it, not like a man does. Men don't get turned off by their partner being a virgin.
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A
male
reader, a-g55 +, writes (28 May 2011):
 Men I speak to dont like it when girls just lie there and do not move.
you need to be a good at making the man feel good. in your case this is more important than your own feelings..
you you need to decide who is in control. if it you then you need to be active in deciding the positions and telling him harder and deeper ect.
get on top and grind fast and hard! with a hip circular motion..
dont lie there and you will be fine.... in bed imagine and visualise the way you want yourself to be like. take the pressure out of the situation as that will only be negative
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): First of all, I'm just wondering why you can't tell him you're a virgin? I mean, you've told him you've slept with someone now, so it's probably better just to go along with that now, but would he really think it was so weird if you were a virgin? I think that a lot of guys would like it. He doesn't have to worry about where you've been or if you're thinking about someone else. Also, you say he's just a guy you like, rather than your boyfriend. Does this mean that you are in some kind of relationship, or does he just want to sleep with you? That would make you feel bad about yourself, giving up your virginity to someone who might then not stick around. Perhaps you should establish what is going on between you and what each of you expects before going further. As for being good or bad in bed, this is all subjective. This guy is probably worried about his own performance, too. Generally, enthusiasm goes a long way. If you show him that you're enjoying what he does to you and that you want to give him pleasure, generally things will turn out fine. I have to warn you, though, sex the first time can be disappointing and awkward, even with two experienced people, simply because you don't know each other's bodies yet and you don't know what to expect and what the other person likes, and there's might be a lot of fumbling and embarrassment. You might not feel confident enough to ask for what you want, either. In my experience, it tends to get better as time goes on, so don't be disheartened if the first time doesn't go the way you wanted. Just try to relax and take it slow, and hopefully this is a nice guy and you will have a lot of opportunities to get better.
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A
female
reader, Edge of Thornes  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 Most males LOVE virgins, to know they are your first lover, some even stalk virgins then dump them after deflowering them. So I personally think you ought to break the news you are a virgin (but let him know you lost your hymen, fairly common with more energentic sports females do nowadays, so he doesn't expect blood on his sheets)Males like being the one who teaches their lover, showing her what they like, so even if you claim still claim to have sex you can tell him it was just 'missionary' (you on back, him on top), even tell him you get more pleasure from your vibrator than old lover and let him have the pleasure of teaching you other positions, how to enjoy love making, even how to do oral if you have not specifically told him you know how to do BJs. If you mean to go though with hiding it... you probably won't feel any pain since you are using a vibrator, but a 'true life' sized dildo can make sure of that. Porno is not the best means of learning about making love (only about sex) instead check out a site like good vibrations -goodvibes.com- that sell sex toys online and worldwide (and are female friendly) and check out the books (and videos) on BJs, on pleasing your man in bed, etc.Actually, depending on his age (if he is about your age) he will be more involved in the sensations of sex and you'd have to be BAD to get him to even notice, like biting down in the middle of oral :D btw vibrators are hard and inflexable, even fully swollen there is some give to the male organ, keeping teeth off it is easier than your practicing would indicate.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (28 May 2011):
What is your issue with being a virgin?
You're making the situation more difficult for yourself because you are lying about not being a virgin and you've put yourself under unecessary pressure.
All your questions are in a panic because you've lied and you haven't had any experience yet are now expected to know something.
Just admit to him you're a virgin. it's no big deal.
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