A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years, we moved in together on our 1 year anniversary and our relationship is great! He is 27 and he has 3 kids and I am 21 and I have 1 child that is 3, I've recently found out that I am pregnant and my boyfriend wants me to get an abortion because he already has 3 kids and I just don't think that I want that, I know that it would destroy me to do something like that, I just do not know what to do or how to make this decision please help! I always told myself that I would never get an abortion but under the circumstances I just don't know what to do, I don't want one day to be single with 2 kids I just wish I was married!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone your advice is really very helpful, its still a hard decision because most of u are right...but the twist on it is that b4 I got pregnant he always use to ask me to have his baby one day, and we've been having unprotected sex since we've moved in so "I" thought that if it was to happen now or later then it would be ok, but now I just feel like I've been slapped in the face because when I do get pregnant his first response is to get an abortion, I just feel I was mislead and that the only reason I can't or won't have my baby is because he has 3 other kids to financially take care of.
A
male
reader, BassiveMalls +, writes (25 September 2010):
 Whoa, wait a minute that kid is half his. That means the "choice" is half his. You can't just make the decision you want to make and disregard his.
Ultimately you have to choose between the kid or him because if you have that baby without his blessing he may never love it or you ever again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): Whilst it is your body, and your choice, ultimately it will affect your boyfriend, and he does have a say in whether he would like to have another child or not. It sounds like your hands are tied with other children, and maybe he doesn't believe it's wise to bring another child into your home.
Don't completely disregard his feelings because that's selfish.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): Your body, your choice. Screw what he wants you're going to have this baby because you've already made the decision that are going to, and on that note I'd like to say congratulations. Being single with 1 or 40 kids is the same thing really OP the only difference is the financial aspect and he'll have to take care of that whether he stays with you or not.
Let me make it clear again to you, you've already made the decision to keep it, there is nothing to discuss he's going to have another child and that's all there is to it. If he doesn't like that then tough luck he should have been more careful in 2 years of a relationship he already knew your feelings about abortion and he still got you pregnant. Don't let him, not even for a second try and convince you otherwise, it's not something you should even contemplate because as you said it's not something you could ever live with.
I just want to make it clear that I'm pro choice, so I'm not telling you because I'm antiabortion or anything. I'm pro choice and you already made that choice.
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A
female
reader, Traycie +, writes (25 September 2010):
If you want to keep the baby then keep it. DO NOT let your boyfriend pressure you into having an abortion. Guys dont understand the emotional bond you automatically have to the baby when you find out your pregnant and they dont understand whats it like to feel the baby move and kick. In my opinion I think you should the little bundle of joy thats growing inside you. I think you will regret having an abortion. I wish you all the luck in your decision and I hope my advice helped
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 September 2010):
 Your body, your choice . Don't let your boyfriend ( or anybody else ) pressure you into doing something that you feel could destroy you. If he cares about you, he will come to respect your choice - if he does not, and threatens to leave you, then you should really think if a guy who forces you to do things against your will is the right partner for you.
Marriage would maybe have offered you some higher degree of protection, but there are also plenty of married fathers who weasel out of their moral and financial obligations, so ultimately it's all up to the kind of person he is, if he accepts responsibility or not.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (25 September 2010):
 This is quite a complex dilemma. I suggest you talk things over with your boyfriend. If you love each other, one day you may end up caring for five children. My mother took care of myself and my three siblings by herself. Both of you are completely capable of such a thing. But if he is confident that he is unready it may become a problem.
An abortion is a large act. But if he is not ready and you cannot take care of it yourself, abortion is the best option. You cannot bring another life into a situation where no one is ready to care for it properly, that would be unfair to the child and that is exactly what abortions are for. So talk it through with your boyfriend and see where that leads. Good Luck
I hope that helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): 1) its not fair that he has 3 kids of his own and you cant have another
2) why arn't you married to this guy already if you're planning to start a family with him? plus you were already single with a kid when you met him...
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