A
female
age
30-35,
*weetSmoochy
writes:Due to the fact that I am still in high school, my parents disapprove of my relationship. They think it is too serious for my age and that it will keep me from doing things like going to college. Here's the thing, NOTHING will EVER keep me from going to college. NOTHING. College has been my dream since I learned what it was. My parents' concern would be very legitimate if it had any backing, but it doesn't at all. I'm not sure why they think this, as I have never so much as hinted, let alone considered not going to college for any reason. I don't understand why they can't be happy that I've found someone like my boyfriend. He is my best friend, he and I inspire each other and make each other happy. Another thing that should make make parents ecstatic is that we are not having sex, and not planning to, even though neither of us are virgins and we've been together for half a year, friends for longer than that. We made that decision together, although he was the one who brought up that idea, because we want to wait until we are in love and avoid the risk of pregnancy. I don't get why my parents are so disapproving. We have our feet on the ground and are building a strong relationship on the right foundations. I guess my question is what do I do about this? Is there anything I can do other than avoid fighting about it and keeping the two parts of my life more separate?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 March 2011):
 Parents are not perfect. Your mom is not going to honestly say to you she has mid life crisis, she's worried you become so independent you don't need her anymore, she needs you to play the script of mom and daughter fight, she is afraid of facing that empty nest syndrome, she's jealous that you are so happy, lively and young and that she's getting old, etc. That's why all she can say is just don't date and focus on college okay?The quickest way to stop an argument from happening is to agree with her and understand what she feels, if she says you don't understand then agree, you don't understand. The more you do this the more she will see that she's the one doing the provoking.
A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (16 March 2011):
SweetSmoochy is verified as being by the original poster of the question I was surprised to get a lot of answers that cautioned me over my age. To be clear, he and I aren't running off or getting engaged or anything like that. I also try to avoid fighting with my parents, and the only one picking fights is my mother on this.
I understand why my parents feel the way they feel, I'm just trying to get them to work with me on this. I don't need them stressing me out about my boyfriend when they already stress me out over many other things like grades and getting a job. My life isn't a battleground or anything, I'm just sick of being railed on when I'm not doing anything wrong.
The suggestions I recieved I will try. I have been working to get them more involved together without forcing anything.
Thanks!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (15 March 2011):
I don't know what your parents said exactly. Your parents had been there before and they know all relationships start with great hopes. Only time can tell if you will be happy in the long run. Welcome to the adult world. You can be happy one day, then be sad the next day, and fight over stupid things. People break up during college, it's quite common. Some get depressed and just let their grades slip. People break up for various reasons and being a good bf or gf is not enough to safe guard a relationship. There may be different wants and needs. A relationship goes into conflict when needs are not being met, or you set the expectations too high. Are your parents disapproving it, or are they actually stopping you from going out, and setting strict curfews? If you are fighting with your parents over this you are being too uptight. It means you will also be fighting with your boyfriend should you have a disagreement in the future. You may be upset because nothing you ever do pleases them, in fact they just want the best for you. What you can only do is keeping a good relationship with your parents and not forget them just because you have a boyfriend now. Put on a show if you have to.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (15 March 2011):
 Well, I think you should do the opposite of part B. I think you should try to keep the two parts of your life closer together. Have your boyfriend over to dinner more, have everyone go out bowling, or to a minor league baseball game. Maybe your parents just don't know this guy well enough. Maybe he's just the mystery man who they only know through what you tell them - and that's not enough for them to believe he's the class act you tell them he is.
Well, don't keep him a secret and don't keep him separate. The more your parents get to know him, the more they will see him for the guy you know he is. I think fighting this with sweetness, peacefulness and friendships is the way to go. If they experience how wonderful he is for themselves, they will have nothing to worry about. Integration, I think, will help an awful lot. Good luck, sweet!
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