A
female
age
41-50,
*avy
writes:I am in a long distance relationship. I once got married and it already got annuled. My bf now is undergoing annulment. We've kniwn each other since we were i college but it never became us because of wrong timing. Everytime he'd be single, id have a bf until he got hitched first. We liked each other a lot so stayed in touch until we became rrally close but i thought it was wrong because he already was married. I stayed away and did not communicate even if i have been a close friend of his sister. A decade after, we accidentally met again. I am single again while he is already separated. We hit it off a year ago until he imoregnated a girl where he was working. No strings attached. Big mistake. Deeply apologized. I took him back...fast forward to today...Ive been looking forward to our planned out of town vacation as he was away for 9 months. We were excited. We went on with the plan. I started getting upset because he was so tired and sleepy during our vacation. We were not able to do stuff together bec he was really tired. He was in an out of town trip (farther than where we were) because his favorite cousin died a few days before our trip. He has not gotten enough rest and sleep plus he just arrived from abroad. He is a seafarer officer. To cut the story short, i was sad but trying to understand. I did some errands alone and then in the 2nd day of our vacation, i bought us food for snack which he liked and ate and went back to sleep after. He could not watch a movie with me which was part of our plan (downloaded movies which he requested before) bec he was really tired and had to catch some sleep). I was content watching alone with him beside me while he is sleeping. Prior to that, i already ordered dinner. I got pizza since he has been craving for it on our first day but did not get the chance to eat. He woke up and while talking he seemed annoyed why i got food without asking him. He was concerned that I might get upset if he did not like it. He kinda forgot that i told him about the pizza even before he slept. It started as a big fight with him raising his voice on me. I got very hurt so i packed my things and left him at the hotel. I told him i was going home ahead of him. He did not stoo me. He said i keot insisting on what i wanted to do. I took the bus and went home. I texted his mom since i am kinda close to her and told her what happened. His mom apologized for his son's behavior. On the 6th day, i was all calmed down and realized my mistake of leaving him behind, insisting i what i wanted and screaming back at him. I am not used to yelling. In short, i apologized. He did not reply. It has been more than a week now and he has not responded to me. Did i badly hurt his male ego that it is taking him long for his anger to subside? Is he ever going to realize his share of the incident? Is it over for us? Please hell me understand. A part of me trust that he loves me and is just really mad still. A part of me is worried that he might not communicate ever.
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female
reader, louiselistens  +, writes (3 March 2018):
 Hi Anonymous writer,You put a lot of emphasis on how your boyfriend feels and what you can do for him, yet I've heard nothing about how you feel and what you want him to do to be able to meet your standards.You have known and dreamt about this man for a long time and now that you have him and he's yours you don't want to lose him. That is very understandable but it also could be the wrong decision to ignore bad behavior and even to apologize for your own behavior, not in part, but taking the full blame. Letting him off the hook every time he is rude, insensitive or inconsiderate only reinforces that poor behavior and it will not go away.If you choose to keep trying to make it work with this guy, you need to have a long think about what you want from a relationship, whether that is reliability, kindness, willing to solve problems together through meaningful dialog or any other requirement you have. Then once you know what it is that you need, you need to have an honest and open conversation with him about your needs and to remind him that you have went out of your way to meet his needs many times so what you are asking is not unreasonable.If your boyfriend doesn't respond well, if he treats you like you're asking for something unreasonable when you're not or even threatens to leave because you have a standard of behavior you expect from a partner and he isn't willing to meet it, then do not backtrack and apologize for wanting someone you love to meet your needs. It is a sign that he doesn't value you enough to treat you with respect, which is not what somebody who cares about you would do. If that happens then it may be a sign that it is time to move on and find somebody who does value you.Best wishes,louiselistens
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (26 February 2018):
 I think you dodged a bullet there, sweetheart. He has shown his true colours early on. Is this how you want you relationship to be? Lots of shouting and anger and falling out? Never mind his precious male ego. What about YOUR right not to be shouted at?
Listen to me, sweetheart. If he is already shouting at you, it will not improve. You will walk on eggshells so as not to upset him and he will STILL find something to get upset about.
My advice would be to think "Phew, thank goodness I have seen what he is really like so early on" and run and don't look back. Seriously.
You love the IMAGE you have created of him over the past years. That is not the real person. There is nothing more thrilling than unrequited love because you never have to deal with every day situations with that person. Over the years you have put him on a pedestal and idolised him from afar. This has, in no small part, been down to your failed past love life and your need to hold onto something to give you hope. That I can totally understand. HOWEVER, he really does not sound like he is in the right place to be having a relationship.
I predict you will probably contact him and try to apologize for EVERYTHING, and he may "allow" this and let you go creeping back to him. Trust me, it will only happen again.
Please keep yourself safe. You deserve so much better.
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