A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I would like to have your opinions on this matter. Even if I always condemned it, it happened that I became interested in a man at my workplace who is married, really I did not want this to happen, it just happened. It's hard sometimes to always stay rational and we cannot control our feelings and emotions. Since, it has been a long time since I have felt this for someone, I decided to tell him about my feelings but I prefered to stay anonymous. He is a very reserved person, not talkative and not so easy going and I barely know him that's why I prefered to approach him anonymously at first and as I start to know him, I would feel more comfortable to reveal to him who I am. At the begining he gave me the impression that he liked it that I was interested in him, I told him that I would only like a kiss from him and nothing more as I know he is married. He said it sounds interesting but then I thought on this issue again and I realised that in the end I will be hurt and humiliated by getting invloved with a married man as i'm a very emotional person and I decided to back off. i told him about my decision and he replied that it's a wise idea because he has a wife. I was quite irritated because suddenly he started to play the game of the faithful husband with me. I replied him back and told him that he should avoid talking rubbish as he is a man and he should not pretend to be different, if a beautiful woman starts to turn him on, i'm sure he would not think of his dear wife at this moment. I told him that I prefer people who are honest. Since this, he has stopped e mailing me though I e-mailed him to tell him that I was sorriy if I've offended him and I even gave him my mobile number and told him that I would tell him who I am. He never called. I don't understand his behaviour.
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male
reader, ISOHaven  +, writes (25 February 2009):
I agree. You played a pretty good mind game with him. It might not have been intentional but it happened all the same. What exactly did you expect to come from this?
A fling? If so and if he takes the bate then great for you, bad for him and bad for his wife. In the end I guess you could argue that you would be doing his wife a favor.
A relationship? How is that going to happen? He's a cheater. You want a cheater?
I was married for 7 years. The last 3 were loveless. The last 4 years a certain girl worked at my office. I always thought she was beautiful. We got along great yet I stomped every other feeling into the ground before it became something. A year later, my marriage took a dump. Even for the following three years I continued to uphold my marriage vows, my word! Then my marriage ended. Turns out the gal at my work returned my feelings all those years. We had at it!
It's hard to have feelings for someone that you can't do anything about. But you really are better off leaving it alone. If life makes changes for you then jump on them then. No sooner.
A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (25 February 2009):
 I doubt he understands your behavior either- coming on to him one second, then changing your mind, then insulting him.
You're both playing dumb games and it's probably best if you stop communicating with one another altogether except in a strictly professional sense.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): sweetie you have fallen in to the 'married man trap'
i fell in to that a while ago- his marrige was on the rocks- id known him a year without even knowing i in a way worked for him , i fell for him , i sought advice on here, i followed it , now he cant even look me in the eye, i was crazy about him, i still am , but I KNEW it could never happen, some times at work i look and i think , maybe, but its soooo hard, i do understand - if you need to talk hunny just let me know ! xx
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