A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi and thank you!!Little background. I have been dating for about 2 years. At times it's been a roller coaster. My boyfriend has been caught on hook up sites, ( he denies it's his, apparently it's his friends) of course I don't buy it. I have found very flirtatious texts, asking a woman to come by, and she has a nice a**, he said she is just a friend. I don't buy that either. I know some will say I don't trust him and your absolutely right, I don't. I have told him this as well that his actions do not match his words. He is always on his cell, he does have alot of male friends, but if he is messaging someone he sits far away from me like hes hiding something. For me personally I'll leave my cell down or message with him next to me. He won't do that. I don't have any issues with him having female friends, I just dislike the lies he tells that they are " just friends". I don't tell my male friends, "hey nice package, wanna come over"? Any thoughts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2021): Typo correction:
"The final outcome will be this. You will be the next guy's nightmare; because you won't recover from what this one did to you."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2021): You have to learn when you've seen red-flags, and have found enough evidence that a guy is no-good!!! Then you have to let him go!
Is it not an outright insult to your intelligence for someone to tell you you don't see what you've seen, or don't hear what you've heard??? They can look you straight in the eyes and lie to your face!
Why are you wasting your time snooping on his phone, only to find even more reasons to distrust him?
This is where we usually get the disclaimer: "But I love him!"
Your love will not change him, your nagging and spying will not control him; and if he's bad for you, he will only get worse! You'll catch him again and again, but he'll just deny it. How much evidence must you accumulate to figure-out he is cheating on you?
Girlfriend, you are deep in denial! You think guilt from exposure is going to turn him around. It won't, because he knows you're not going anywhere; and all he has to do is deny it. He fears no consequences, and knows you're "too in-love" to do anything sensible. He doesn't love you as much, apparently.
Clinging to a guy you don't trust will mess you up in the head. You'll develop trust-issues, become jealous, and suspicious. Emotionally, you'll become damaged over time. Eventually, he'll breakup with you! That will destroy you completely! He will have the unmitigated gall to dump you; while he's the one whose been playing you! He'll get tired of dealing with your miserable relationship; and pursue some other female he can gaslight and mess-around.
The final outcome will be this. You will be the next guy's nightmare; because you won't recovery from what this one did to you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 June 2021):
 You can't have a solid relationship without trust. It's pretty simple.
And you don't trust him. He does questionable things and then tries to gaslight you (with the oh my friend made that hook up account) into thinking he isn't lying, thankfully YOU can see through the lies... so what can't you say, you know what? I don't this relationship going anywhere, and I can't date someone who isn't trustworthy. We are done?
Why would you want to waste your time with a guy who takes you for a mug? Who will SIT in the same room as you and text other women? Or at the very least, DOESN'T put down the phone and focus on you two?
He sounds shady, you know he is shady, time to wish him well and end it. You can do better.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (30 June 2021):
 A relationship with no trust is like building a building in the sand. Its going to collapse. You don't trust him and you're worried about what he is doing. Why are you wasting your time on him?
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (30 June 2021):
 He has given you reason to distrust him as you have caught him out being on hook up sites.
Trust is one of the most important contributing factors that bind a relationship together, without trust a relationship will head for a downward spiral. Once the trust barrier has been crossed sometimes its an impossibility for some people to come back from, often wondering what their partners are up to, who they are texting, where are they, and this is no life for anyone, and is unhealthy.
Ever chat with him, tell him your concerns and give him the opportunity to change and start trusting him.
Or if you are not going to be able to trust him again then you may have to ask yourself if this relationship is really for you.
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A
female
reader, Alwin  +, writes (30 June 2021):
 "Any thoughts?" Yes, he's activelly seeking out other women and will cheat on you given the oportunity. That's my take on what you're describing. I personally would never date someone I can't trust. I think it's a huge waste of time.
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