A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I’m a little confused with how my friend has been towards me recently. We’ve been friends for 14 years and also colleagues. We were both each other’s bridesmaids at our weddings. Every year we exchange birthday and Christmas gifts but last year she didn’t bother getting me a Christmas gift, but I did for her. She told me she’d bring mine round but never did. I then sent her a birthday present - It was a chocolate hamper - I tracked it and she waited for 2 days before thanking me for it (she was definitely home and not away). My birthday then came but I didn’t get anything from her - not even a card. She did wish me happy birthday via Facebook so she remembered.We were then supposed to meet up and on both occasions she cancelled on me last minute as something else came up. She however makes the effort with the rest of her friends as she’s always posting on her Facebook that they’ve met up etc…I know we are in a pandemic so just to clarify we both have worked throughout as have our husbands so financially there no reason to not buy a simple gift- even a card would suffice! I’m not expecting expensive gifts in-fact what I’m more upset over is that she keeps cancelling our meet ups.I’ve kept in regular contact via text with her over this past year and her replies to my texts are getting shorter or ignored.She has no children or pets keeping her busy as I could completely understand if this was the case. I asked her if everything is ok and she said it is.I cannot think of anything I have done for her to behave like this towards me.Anyone else dealt with similar?Maybe she’s outgrown our friendship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2021): Am sorry that she is upsetting you but you need to face facts. She is no longer a friend. Perhaps in the past she would arrange to meet up or buy you a gift because it seemed the right thing to do if you were this way, but perhaps too with the virus situation and getting used to not seeing you it is different for her now. You can get used to doing things as a habit, then when you can no longer meet the habit disappears and you re evaluate how to spend your time when meets are possible again. I think there is also the possibility that you try too hard to please others and be available for others and get taken for granted then.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (30 June 2021):
 Some people find it easier not to actually end relationships but rather to let them fizzle out by removing any effort to keep them going. I suspect - for whatever reasons - that is what your friend is doing.
Take the hint and back away. You cannot force someone to be your friend. It is probably nothing you have done/not done but more something about your friend. For some reason, you are not a good fit in her life at the moment.
I hope you have plenty of other friends who can help take your mind off this sad situation. You never know, if you stop chasing after her and making an effort, she may realize she misses you and seek you out.
Be strong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2021): Friendships cool-off. Age and time changes people; and sometimes they find other people who are more of their particular ilk. Your friendship has run its course, and she now has a new clique.
You are a generous and thoughtful kind of person. Keeping-up with birthdays and such. She may have only reciprocated out of guilt or obligation.
It hurts when friends move-on; but you're an adult, and you have to deal with these changes in life with grace and dignity. Some friendships are for life, and some are not.
Sometimes there are people in our lives God deems it necessary to remove by divine intervention. We may never really know the reason, His will is good enough. It only happens if they mean you harm, are a threat to your faith; or unbeknownst to you, they have betrayed you. He has other plans that will benefit you; but they can only happen if she is not in the way. Sometimes hidden jealousy poisons a friendship.
She no longer wishes to be as close as before. Unlike family, we get to choose our friends. Friends can be added, or subtracted from our lives. We can meet new people, and our feelings or allegiances we had in the past may shift over time. You are loyal to the end; and apparently, she is not.
It's time to socialize in new circles, broaden your horizons, and find yourself new friends. You're still young, and there are still people out there seeking faithful and considerate friends. You don't always have to exchange gifts to prove your love and loyalty.
Sometimes it's good just being there when somebody needs a friend; and offering good advice, comfort, and affection is enough.
Destiny sometimes will replace those we've mistakenly thought to be loyal and true, with someone (or people) who are actually more of the kind of friend we need and deserve. That can happen for her, as well as yourself.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 June 2021):
 Wow, that is crappy!
I would stop making an effort. For Christmas, send a card. No gift. Or no card at all. Same for birthday. Just make a Facebook post like she did.
When someone says I have a present for you, I'll bring it round and then don't... it's because they didn't get a present. They didn't even think about it. Her canceling? Yeah, it's easier to say yes, let's meet up and then cancel instead of telling you no, I don't see the point.
Time for you to focus on people who ARE your friends and who WANTS to spend time with you.
If she was having a hard time during the lockdown, that is for HER to bring up.
Time to put as much (or as little) effort in as she does.
This might not even be about anything you did. But if it was and SHE can't even bring it up, how good of a friend is she really?
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A
female
reader, Alwin  +, writes (30 June 2021):
 "I’ve kept in regular contact via text with her over this past year and her replies to my texts are getting shorter or ignored." I think you have to realize when you're talking to someone or just being answered, if the latter, I would ponder wheather this friendship merits going on. FRiends are supposed to care for one another and she seems careless so I wouldn't call her a friend anymore.
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