A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, well what it is I that I don't have any trust in my boyfriend what so ever. We've been a couple for nearly 7 months and right now he's in Ibiza. He went there yesterday with his friend and I don't trust him at all. It's eating away at me and all I can think about is him going with other girls and it's killing me, I've been crying constantly and it's really not healthy. I have no reason at all to ever question his trust and his given me no reason not to trust him. Hes such a great guy and I'm such a horrible person for not trusting him. I offered him te chance to go on a break(a hall pass) for the week he's at Ibiza and he kept saying no he wants to be with me. I've had my trust broken in the past by a serious ex boyfriend who was very evil to me and was very jealous and possessive. I'm afraid that I've turned into him. I do believe that I love my boyfriend and want to be with him I think he's truly the one to be with and I'm terrified that I'll loose him. I know deep down he won't cheat on me but I can't help the voice in my head saying that he will and he'll be with loads of girls on this guys holiday:( I'm a jealous person and I hate this. It's honestly depressing me and for months I've felt like this. I would really appreciate if someone could help me get threw this as I can't take it anymore. He trusts me 100% as he is happy for me to go on a girls holiday to magalauf in the summer and I wish I could give him the respect of trusting him back. I'm so afraid I'll get hurt bad again but I love this guy. Please help me I'll be greatly appreciative x
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female
reader, Bella89  +, writes (17 July 2012):
 well i understand you. i really dont trust my boyfriend either because he recently is hanging out with other girls and i dont like the idea of him to go out with his friends. we have been in many ups and down
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (16 July 2012):
Hi there. When you have a great fear as you have, that he will cheat on you - because of your past relationship - it can then become a big part of the problem.
And it can also drive a HUGE wedge between you as time goes by.
Not all men cheat on their women.
The only ones who do cheat, are the ones who aren't all the committed in the first place.
He does sound like he is committed to you, and is senstive of your needs as well, which is a really important thing.
Because that means, he isn't thinking only of himself.
The real risk of not trusting someone, because of a fear of them cheating, is that it can become self-fulfilling.
And that can happen, because the fear you constantly have - while he is away with his mate - is making you feel very insecure and scared of losing him, because of that fear he will cheat.
And when there is no trust, then you start acting differently when you are with him - because of that fear.
Things like, asking him:-
(1) what he was doing.
(2) Who he was with.
(3) Where did they go.
(4) Who else was there.
A million questions, and it can seem like a police interrogation - which can cause people to withdraw from you.
And the worst part is, you COULD lose him if you don't change how you think.
As he has never given you any reason to doubt his trustworthiness, well then there really is no need for you to NOT trust him.
You have said so yourself.
The more you start doubting his every move, the more he will feel that you are trying to control his life, and he probably won't like that at all.
What needs to happen now, is that you start trusting him completely, and keep on trusting him - unless he ever gives you any reason NOT to.
That is honestly, the very best advice I can give you.
Without trust, a relationship simply cannot survive.
TRUST is that important.
Without it, all is lost.
He trusts you, so you need to start trusting him as well.
Without question.
I promise you, that when you start trusting him, you will feel a whole lot more relaxed and completely stress free.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (16 July 2012):
 If he has never given you any reason to think he might not be trustworthy and you freely admit that your fears and insecurity stem from a previous boyfriend who did cheat on you and who was extremely nasty, then you need to keep telling yourself that this comes from the past, and is in no way connected with the man you are now dating.
I know that isn't easy to do. Your feelings are what they are - but you have to refuse to keep dwelling on them.
I suggest for starters that you try to distract yourself as much as possible. Go out with your friends; find a book that will seriously get your interest; talk to a trusted friend about your situation and pay attention to what she says.........if necessary, you might think about scheduling a few sessions with a counselor if you find this too hard to deal with on your own.
Crying all the time and indulging in fantasies about him seeing other women is not helping you - but you already know that.
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