A
male
age
51-59,
*ilsonsymes
writes:I (mid thirties) have been living with my girlfriend for the past 4 years, I don't think I love her anymore and I don't find her attractive. I was recently introduced to a girl at a party and can think of nothing but her at the moment. I have been told she is interested in me also.I am very unhappy because of the hurt i could cause my current partner. but I feel I can't spend the rest of my life like this, there have been other girls I have been atracted to recently also.What the hell do I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Richie28 +, writes (25 June 2008):
The simple truth is that you have a choice to make and you are afraid of change. If you go an leave your girlfriend now and it works out with the new girl you will be happy, but if not you could be left alone and wont know what to do.I was in the same situation before and realised i was not really being fair to my girlfriend at the time, it took me ages to realise that i did really like her, but i didnt love her and i would be lonely when i was single again. But the period of adjustment and lonelyness is a small price for future happiness. Just think..is it possible that in another four years you will be thinking.. "i should have made the move then", you will know then what to do
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007): It sounds to me as if you have already left your relationship emotionally, you are simply no longer present...Don't break up with her because you met someone new, make a decision about how you feel about your relationship, period, and if it is not working, either fix it, move to the next level of commitment, or cut the poor woman loose...because 4 years is way to long to be in a relationship at your age that does not result in marriage, you are wasting her time, and she does have a right to be happy with or without you...
Break up with her before even asking anyone else out, out of respect for both women, spend some time being single and dating around to figure out what you want.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (18 July 2007):
 You've entered into dangerous territory. Since your relationship was getting stale, this new person sticks out in your mind. What do you mean when you say you don't find your girlfriend attractive? What changed, her or your eyes?
This is a pivotal moment. You either jump ship and run into the sunset with a new person or you work on the relationship you've got. As is quite often the case, you're willing to jump feet first in to something new but unwilling to work on what you've got.
It's difficult to save a relationship when your heart is not in it. This is unfortunate because you will never find a relationship that will always be exciting and euphoric like a new relationship is. AS time goes by, reality kicks in and we're supposed to understand that this is life, not a soap opera.
In the end, you're not obligated to do anything. You've started down the wrong path now though because you've met someone new before finishing with the old girlfriend. THAT is wrong.
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A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (18 July 2007):
 You have got to tell your current girlfriend you don't have feelings for her anymore sooner rather than later. The longer you leave it the harder it will get and feelings of resentment will grow stronger.
Sure she will be upset, but its better this way than for you to go on with her thinking things are ok when they are not. Tell her now and you will feel as if you have done the right thing, and it will be a weight off your shoulders too.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, raychell +, writes (18 July 2007):
 It is never an easy thing to having to tell someone that you dont love them anymoren and people react differently to that sort of news. But if you dont think you can be happy with her anymore then the best thing to do in my opinion is to sit down and talk to her about it. Of course its not going to be an easy thing to do but delivering bad news never is. The best way to do it is to make sure that she doesnt think that you are leaving her for someone else because thats wen things turn nasty. But you also have to think if the 'other women' that you met at a party is the real deal. Because if you make any wrong decisions you might not get forgiven so easily. It is a hard decision but just go with what your heart is telling you, you never know it might be for the best.
Good Luck
XxX
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (18 July 2007):
 I think as hard as it will be for you to do and as much as it will hurt your current girlfriend you need to end the relationship.
It would be harder on both of you if this carried on the way it is, because you may start resenting her.
You can't help it if you do not feel the same about her any more these thimgs happen and we just have to move on with our lives.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, norah  +, writes (18 July 2007):
i think u dont love the other girl too u will also be with her 4 years and u will find another gurl who is much attractive then her but u must tell ur girlfriend about ur feelings toward her now and pls tell me when u tell her
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007): Hi there. I had to reply when I read your question as im a chick that has been on the receiving end of the "i dont think I love you anymore scenario". My advice is to be honest with her but not brutal(dont tell her she is ugly and fat for example). Also dont rush this decicision as you may come to regret it. 3 years is a long time but if your just not into someone what can you do. let her go so she can find a man that loves her. When my man told me he wasnt into me any more after 8 years together I was releived because I felt the same way, but like I said dont rush it because he wants me back and im having none of it, life is too good at the moment. Hope whatever decision you make your happy and remember you only get one shot at life so have fun but try not to break too many hearts along the way XOX Cassie
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