A
male
age
41-50,
*ee245397
writes:First of all, let it be clear that I know I am the only one to blame for my situation and that most women will probably despise me. Nonetheless I want some advice on what I should do.Ok, well im married and live in the UK. My wife is foreign and basicaly lives here because I am her husband. She would not be entitled to a work visa if we were not married, as she hasnt yet got citizenship.I started seeing another woman a few months ago for some crazy reason. I suppose I was bored, but I know this not a valid excuse. I never intended anything but a bit of fun, but over the months i have basically fallen for this other woman and no i am totally in love.I still care about my wife, but I honestly dont think I love her anymore(i cant believe im writing this). If I leave my wife, the she will not be able to remain in the UK and has built quite a life for herself here. What do I do. I know I have to be honest but there are so many consequences to my actions.I know this is all my fault, so please do not have a go. I am genuinely asking for help or advice
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007): You you be a man and MAKE sure that your wife can stay long enough to get her full UK visa. It's not down to her that you decided to go all out on some one else.
A
female
reader, mum2be +, writes (26 February 2007):
Firstly, as a woman, i do not despise you for what you have done, and it is pointless to remain in a marriage where you are not happy, as this is bound to upset both of you even more. Did you love your wife when you married her? And was there an important reason she couldn't go back to her own country... i.e. is she likely to be in any danger? You need to think carefully about your options here... your wife will have to find out that you have cheated on her, and, be warned, do this through a glass wall (When my 19yr old bf cheated on me, i whacked him with a saucepan and he needed reconstructive surgery!). I think you need to have a discussion with your wife... if you were happy, is this other woman worth laving her ofr? And do you think you could fix your relationship? Don't forget the marriage vows you made to eachother... for better or for worse...till death do us part.If you really don't love your wife, and she is likely to already know, then you should not stay in that relationship. All the bestxxx
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A
female
reader, judesadude +, writes (20 February 2007):
Does your wife have any idea about any of this? You should tell her to make sure she can decide what's best for her. Possibly, if she isn't happy in the marriage either, then she'll be happy to have an open relationship before a divorce is possible. Dont rush into anything, you may regret throwing away your marriage. Even though you love this woman, you may still love your wife and have just let yourself become distracted. I think it's important to make sure your wife gets citizenship before you do anything, she shouldn't have to suffer further for something you've done.
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A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell +, writes (20 February 2007):
 Hey,
well. I'm not going to have a go, as you'r eporbably already beating yourself up over this....lets see if i can help...
I think first of all you should make sure your wife gets a citizenship as soon as possible then, (i think) she will be able to stay in this country. It's nice you still care about your wife, are you sure you have fallen for this other woman instead of thinking it's love because you're excited about finding someone new (always happens)....
When you say you can't believe you're writing that you don't love your wife anymore, I get the impression that you still do but it seems to you that this other woman has more to offer to you.
If your wife has a good life here, than maybe (if she gets a citizenship) she can stay here, in this country and you can get divorced and see other people.
In your post you have not mentioned whether you actually have any children that have come from your marriage. If yes, than I don't think your wife would want to leave the country because her kids would have seperate parents.
If no kids, which I expect is the right option as you have not mentioned any, then I think your wife would either want to continue her good life here, even if you do get divorced, or she'll want to run.
The first thing to do though, is get her that Citizenship!!!!
There's a debate going on between myself and some friends about whether divorce is too easy now and people do not want to work on their marriages anymore. Is trying to work past this problem a possibility? I think, somewhere inside you, you still love your wife. But if you really believe this new woman is right for you than go with what you think is best. But eventually you will need to talk things through with your wife.
Hope this helped,
Phoebe xxXxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2007): I beleive that if you don't love your wife it is best if you'll don't stay together. But you have been having an affair with another woman and you say you love her. The best thing to do is to really sit down and thank about what you are doing before you do it. If you divorce your wife she is gone for good. If you leave you wife for this other woman, do you know the other woman is truely what you want. Are you going to have the other woman forever or is she going to leave you like you left your wife. You really need to thank about it before you do it.
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A
male
reader, goodbutnotgifted  +, writes (20 February 2007):
 CONSEQUENCES!!! The new girl will need to understand the situation and you can stay married to get the old girl covered, you owe her that. Thank you for admiting guilt and please think things out. spur of the moment is moments that take a lot of time to clean up. now you know. and others thinking for you requires you wait on our reply, so what would you have done were we to leave this without response? Having been cheated on, your lucky I responded at all. but cut your losses man, make sure anyone you hurt gets squared away, you did the damage now do the time, your alright and will be better for it. make better choices.
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