A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi this may sound as though i am worrying over nothing so here goes...I am worried that my husband is cheating. We have had problems with trust recently(not ref another woman)but i know he would be capable of hiding something from me.Most weeks he stays away a night or 2 (with his job)Often it can be Germany or Prague. But a lot of the time it can be in Bracknell (2hr drive from home)he stays in a hotel. This makes sense when he has early meetings, last week he was showing me an e-mail he had sent to my father,there were loads of e-mails on his laptop regarding work, one name i noticed was jane the heading was listed ref last week, i have not been into the e-mail.His laptop has a security code that i do not know so i could not access his e-mails even if i wanted to. He has not been near me sexually for a week or so. The last 2 nights in particular he has shown no interest in me.Although he is affectionate towards me still. Last week it was valentines and at the last minute he had to stay away on the 14th, he bought me presents anyway plus a bouquet of flowers to make up for being away. He did ask me to go to the hotel and be with him, but we have 2 kids and i was not able to leave them with anyone. He knew this,so i don't know if he was just saying this. I jokingly said to him the other day that he had been with his mistress and he just looked at me and said "yeah" laughingly. It's just that for some reason i have doubts, serious ones.I mentioned about his computer (not the e-mail) last week and he said he would show me his e-mails some time. The things i have mentioned have not meant anything on their own, but now thinking about it all, putting comments etc together i feel something is wrong. He has a variety of names on his phone both male and female, i have never been bothered about this in the slightest.They are work related. His laptop is usually left in the car, even overnight, i said to him he should not leave it there as it could be stolen etc. Should i be concerned or am i just being silly?
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female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (21 February 2007):
 I remember always being told go with your gut feeling. That doesn't mean he is having an affair, it just means maybe you should have a talk with him...a real one and explain to him about why you feel this way. Many times when you have "that" talk, if you watch their expressions on their face, something normally gives! It's like you can see the word liar written all over it. Then, he may not be having any kind of an affair, and for whatever reason your right, your just upsetting yourself. Your husband does have the "type" of a job that would allow him to have an affair easly, however, YOU know your husband best. Has he given you any REAL reason to make you think this way? He probably has to talk to several people, men and women via email,etc because of his job. I will say this, if you ever play spy, their can be consequences in it. Have the talk first....and here's wishing you the best.
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (20 February 2007):
 I'm guessing the company he works for is a 50-50 male- female environment. It doesn't sound to me like you have anything to worry about. I'd wait for something concrete before you start distrusting him. All you have so far is evidence that he has female friends/work colleagues.
CD
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