A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Im married with 3 children but im not very happy as i dont love my husband anymore.I have a lover who i have been with for a number of years,the thing is he has a partner who is 25 years older then him but its not a sexual relationship just friendship and he feels a duty to stay with her but he says he loves me.He wants me to move to his area with my children so that we can be near each other but he doesn't want to hurt his partner so he wont leave her.She has been unwell so he doesn't want to give her added stress,i dont know what to do? I know your thinking that he is probably having sex with her but she gave that up many years ago because she is 70 and my lover is 43.I feel that i should finish this relationship? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Amethyst  +, writes (4 October 2006):
 Um, no. You're not being selfish.
I'm sorry to voice this so bluntly, but it's beginning to look to me as if he just wants you for sex or showcase. Because I have a question to counter his.
"What man in LOVE wouldn't take on any hardships to be with the woman he truly loves?"
So, I can't tell you what to do with him, but I know if you don't love your husband, it's better to get out of that before it causes too many problems. But you DO have to think about the children. Be sure you can support yourself and them without help before you move out.
The lover though... I can't judge, because I don't know him personally, but he's coming off as a regular ass as of right now.
A
male
reader, soulmasseur +, writes (18 September 2006):
This looks more like a catch-22. I mean you should be careful, very much careful, in you r decision because it may affect noy only you but the lives of the kids. Does your husband feel the same as you? Doe he no longer feel any commetment to your relationship, either? can kids move on with your current lover and future mate? I believe this guy's caring for his ill partner should be appreciated but your future is involved here and just living nearer to his house will not bring you an enjoyable setting: you will need his physical presence and his being around and that's what makes it tough. Tell him about your situation and ask him to do something for it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe said that what man would take on 3 kids that isn't his and that im selfish for wanting to hurt my husband and his partner for wanting him to live with me as a couple,the only thing he could offer is for me to move nearer to him in seperate houses,am i being selfish?
...............................
A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (18 September 2006):
 Only you know in your head and heart what you should do!! but if you don't love your husband you shouldn't stay with him but on the other hand don't leave him to jump into something with someone else who doesn't have the respect to you to actually want to be with you 100% and only you, maybe now is the time to walk away from both of them and make a life for yourself and then you can properly access what you want from your life because only you will know.
...............................
A
female
reader, Amethyst +, writes (17 September 2006):
Oooh, man. You're in a sticky situation aren't you?
Umm... let's see...
Well, no one can truly tell you what's best for you, other than yourself, but I'll take a crack at some sort of advice, ok?
If you don't love your husband, then that's a problem waiting to happen. You should first settle that problem, go through all the court proceedings and the like, then worry about what to do with your lover. If you like the area that he lives in, and you can get a good enough job to support your children, you can move around there, BUT... that could also cause a problem as well. Social Services, at least here, are pretty nit-picky, and if they find out you're the mistress of a married man and divorced your husband and brought your kids into that.... that could get your kids taken away. As said though, that's here, I'm not exactly sure of your geographical location. :P Also, if you move closer to him, and he goes to see you more, then his wife might catch on, and that in itself could cause even more problems. If he doesn't love his wife, he shouldn't be with her in my opinion.... because I know if it were me, it'd hurt me more to know my husband was staying with me out of guilt rather than love.... but not everyone's like me, obviously, and that's not what you're asking anyway.
So, what I recommend you do, is sit down one day, and weigh out your options. What scenerios are more likely to happen if you do this? Which one will make you and your kids happier?
Better yet, have your children met them? How old are they? (Hope you don't mind me asking this, it'll help a lot more because you know, different ages will react differently.)
...............................
A
female
reader, Tine +, writes (17 September 2006):
 honestly i think you are better off finishing off this relationship too. He says that he is in love with you however he needs to prove this by making a commitment and leaving his partner. If it is just a "friendship" as he says then leavin gher wouldnt be such a big thing - they can always remain "friends" after the split.
Doe she know that you are ready to leave your husband? You seem to be adamant that he is what you want but just think of it like this, if he is cheating onhis wife with you an has been doin gthis for quite some time, what makes you think that he wont do it to you?? just be wary because broken hearts are hard to mend
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2006): It sounds like you would like to end your marriage and have a proper commited relationship with your lover in order to move closer? Is that right? If so, then it is obvious that you should tell this to your lover and if he can't leave his wife, then it might be best for you to end the relationship.
If you do not intend to leave hubby, then he should not have to leave his wife. It is then for you to decide if you would like to live closer. He can't make any demands on you!
...............................
|
