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male
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anonymous
writes: I'd like peoples' opinions on this, i lost my virginity at 22, so I believe and just want confirmation of this. Myself and my girlfriend did everything sexual from this age, but not full sexual intercourse. She was very tight so my penis wouldn't go in, but I tried. The head of my penis went around the beginnings of the vagina, but not really inside as it was just too tight. It went between the labia minora and if it went into the actual vaginal opening itself, it was only by a very small amount. It was some months later until we had sex, so would you say I lost my virginity at this initial point? thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2006): It's hard to say why I got ingrossed with the age. But it's just something about I don't feel I lived some of my best years, for example 16-20. It wasn't because of values really, I would have done it at that age if I had a proper chance. I couldn't talk to girls then but now in my 20s it's fine, I just look back because there's not real reason that I was like I was, so it's hard to forget it. I know people who at about the age of 16 or 17, know someone for a real short time and just have sex so easily. Ok so it's stupid or whatever but they have a great time even more so when at this age everything works perfectly, and more often than not, the guy at least feels great. b3x and dr pete thanks for the posts, really show intelligence especially from you guys. I think at the moment I'm hearing about a few individuals and their experiences and that's affecting my current thoughts and mood; for example a great girl i know did it first at 15 to someone she knew for one week, she later regretted everything and argued with the guy because he admitted he only wanted sex. So I think about these guys and it annoys me how just because they have a bit of confidence and ability to talk, they can get a girl to do something like this. I couldn't talk to girls back then, and if I could, I wouldn't treat them so bad and would go for a relationship as I did when I had sex. so it's hard to accept things like this, where the great girl regrets doing something with a guy just cos he was confident and all that, but a bad guy.
A
female
reader, b3x  +, writes (20 September 2006):
 I think this is more to do with insecurity if anything, you don't seem happy with anything at the moment, why? I just don't know, I don't get how your virginity and when you lost it makes so much difference?!
You need to come to terms with your past before you can move on, even now after so long your still bringing it up. deal with this first, find a way to get over the fact that you were hurting when this 'guy' took this girl away, not everyone is the same, you must understand this.
You mention again about the age in which you could have lost your virginity (the 16/17 part), I mention my point again about whether you are 19, 26 or 50 when you lose it, it actually makes no difference!!!
It seems to me you've got yourself so ingrossed in what age you must or could have been when you lost it and its taking over your life! Your not a freak at all, its just your values and feelings about losing your virginity and when you lose it means alot to you.
I also think your confidence has been knocked abit, so I suggested going out and talking to girls, not neccessarily finding some love, but you mention you never spoke to girls much in your teens.
Basically this for you really knocked your confidence, but it happens to everyone, you just can't let it rule your life and you need to get over it, everyone has their own way and I'm sure you'll find yours. You mention its stopped you from furthering your career and you sound like a decent smart guy, so don't let a issue like this ruin your future, listen to what everyone has said in the post's, it means nothing, at the end of the day your not a virgin anymore, thats all that matters!
Keep safe though yeah xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2006): I want to know if this is such an emotive issue, because to me there's nothing like it. If I'd had a bit more confidence at 16/17 and this guy hadn't come along and stolen this girl, i could have lost it then. Then to have to wait until 22, then wait again for no reason by somebody that was supposed to love me, I feel I need to make amends, it's such a big issue that these two incidents rule my emotions and have stopped me to an extent, getting more from life in career, with making more friends, being more successful in any way. Seems all because of that lack of confidence at that crutial age. I want to know if anybody else feels like this, or am I just a freak? thanks
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2006): yes, it's a shame it's a big issue for me, but it is, I failed time and time again to talk to girls in my teens, then had this bad luck that the girl i got wanted to wait so long although she had a problem too. Now I feel angry towards this great girl because of this, I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. It keeps coming back at me, but I know there are people worse off, or not depending on their views, I personally wish it had been in my teens.
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female
reader, b3x +, writes (19 September 2006):
Don't worry about this issue though honey, it means nothing to everyone else, at the end of the day your not a virgin anymore, thats what matters to you.
Concerntrate on worrying about other things and don't get yourself into a panic about it! It won't do you any good!
Take care dude xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): thanks, yes it's crazy to stress about it, i don't mean to sound dumb or harsh in any way, please forgive me. it's just the emotions do it to me, has been quite emotional for me recently as I'm losing my job too, few things have happened which have enhanced the bad things to feel even worse, argh.
Of course I think about this, all of the bad feeling, it hinges on numbers, 22, 24, and on technical facts, definitions. I'm intelligent enough to this, but yet human, so still worry about things I shouldn't, as we all do, because we're all human eh, we're complex creatures :)
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (18 September 2006):
 Sorry just realised my first answer must have confused the hell out of you cos I said... Oh man, I dont even know what I wrote!!! SORRY. Yes, you are no longer a virgin now, but it doesnt actually matter when you actually lost it, cos you have lost it now, seeing as you had sex, so as Dr Pete said, there is little point in worrying. You had sex, you aint a virgin, simple as. If we want to get techical , it starts to get confusing!!!! xXx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): There is no need to get depressed over the exact meaning and definition of a word. Virginity means pure, untouched. Yet there are those who engage in all manner of sexual acts yet could, technically, be called a virgin.
Don't stress yourself over your penis having not moved a few millimeters in a certain direction, it's crazy. Go with whatever you believe, ok?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): There is no need to get depressed over the exact meaning and definition of a word. Virginity means pure, untouched. Yet there are those who engage in all manner of sexual acts yet could, technically, be called a virgin.
Don't stress yourself over your penis having not moved a few millimeters in a certain direction, it's crazy. Go with whatever you believe, ok?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): ok thanks bonym, just you said that if it goes in then virginity lost, in other question, uh b3x its strange it matters to me to say i did it at 22 rather than 24. i think i can't explain why i think these things and get so severely depressed about it, but i do.
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (18 September 2006):
As I said, if you had "half" sex (not sure if thast is possible!!!) then technically you are not chaste, but the definition of virgin is someone who has not had INTERCOURSE. Technically the first time you didnt really have intercourse, so whilst you were not CHASTE TECHNICALLY you were a virgin, as I said, the term virgin is odd, but in my personal view a virgin is someone who has not had sex, fullstop. xXx
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female
reader, b3x +, writes (18 September 2006):
Honestly, I think there's something more to this, tell me why it would make so much difference hun? xx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): I felt so damn low today, I don't understand how I can get such conflicting views, if the penis goes inside the vagina at all, then the two people lose virginity. That's what happened, and that's what people agreed on before, how can it suddnely be about being FULLY in? How can it suddenly change then
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): I don't understand how I can get two different answers, basically if it went in at all, which it did at 22, then i lost my virginity then
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): I think I lost it when it went in at all basically, sorry!
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A
female
reader, Suzanna +, writes (18 September 2006):
 You lost your virginity when you had FULL penetrative sex. Sorry!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): Take a look at these completely different responses from when i last asked this question... http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-m-a-little-unsure-as-to-when.html#provide_answer
so I think we both lost it when it went in at all, even partly
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A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (18 September 2006):
 Personally when I was younger I tried sex and the same thing happened as you, his penis went a certain way in but tension on my part stopping me from relaxing caused the fact it never went in fully, to me I didn't lose my virginity at that point! I lost it when my boyfriends penis went fully in when I was relaxed enough for it to pass that point that then allows you to penatrate fully.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2006): well sorry, but if it goes part way in, that's when I lost my virginity in my book. 'fully', so you're saying that if part of a penis goes into a vagina then the girl hasn't lost her virginity, come on
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (17 September 2006):
You lost your virginity when you had penetrative sex,i.e intercourse penetration implies something has to go in FULLY and there is no need for me to describe what happens next. When you had penetration, then you lost your "virginity". Virginity is an odd word, in my book, you already lost your "chastisity" when you did all the other sexual things, but in order to no longer be a "virgin" you will need to have had intercourse. There are "chaste virgins" and "virgins", sounds dumb, but as I said, chastisity implies that you are "pure" not been touched in any sexual way etc etc and being a virgin may mean you have not had intercourse but you may have kissed before, performed oral, done heavy petting etc etc but you are still a virgin cos you never had intercourse. Hope it makes sense. xXx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2006): thanks, well this is where it seems many males and females are different. I don't know why exactly, but for some reason it matters a hell of a lot to me, that I can say I lost my virginity at 22 rather than 24, it's a big emotional issue for me. I just see it as virginity loss technically if the penis goes even slightly in the vagina. i mean between the initial area. I know people lose it at ages like 16, others 30 something even. But it's hard to accept the course of events in life sometimes and I find it hard to accept some 16 year olds lose it to people they know for 2 days, when I had to wait so long. I'm actually split with this girl over issues like this, because I want to make up for the past now I'm 27 :(
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A
female
reader, b3x +, writes (17 September 2006):
''It was some months later''
You never said anything about years honey!
I guess that you have then if you feel you have, so what of you lose your virginity at 22, some people lose it at 16 maybe even 36. It doesn't make you a better or worse person whatever age you lose it!
If it matters to you that much and you feel you had penile-vaginal intercourse, then yes you lost it at 22.
Still babes I don't understand what difference it would make hun xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2006): well it was almost 2 years later, that's why its bit important, i mean i heard that if it penetrates any part of the vagina then its losing virginity, so that may mean when 22, what we did then
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A
female
reader, b3x +, writes (17 September 2006):
I can't seem to grasp knowing you lost your virginity a few months before you had 'full on' sex.
I don't see what differnce it would make honey, I don't mean to be judgmental, but what does it matter? If you feel you had sex with her that's fine, I don't see the point of having a scientific fact about what losing your virginity is.
If everything is fine now, what are you worrying about honey?
Answer to your question...
I guess hun most people would say that a virgin is someone who's never had sex. The meaning of the'sex'part, usually means penetration of the vagina by the penis.
But others may see it as, maybe anal sex or even oral sex, guess everyone is different, I see losing your virginity as penile-vaginal intercourse. xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2006): I would say that you lost your virginity some months later when you had full penetrative sex. Why does it matter anyway.
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