A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:well, here is the thing. i know i am bisexual, more close to lesbian than straight, and i'm totally ok with myself. but from my family, my brother knows, my father might know(he might have seen me with a girl) and my mom is completely homophobic, plus she already judges EVERYTHING i do. seriously, she judges even the smallest details. and now, this year, all the family friends have started asking when am i going to get married, they want to set me up with guys, and generally make a fuss about me not being with a guy. it's getting really uncomfortable... i hate it...i never really liked boys as more than best friends, i like to crossdress as a boy(but i don't wanna be a boy) and i want a family some time in the future but i cannot picture myself with a husbant. in my picture it's a wife for me. and NOT in the near future. i don't have a relationship right now, as i ended things with my ex a while ago, but i hate all this presure! i DO NOT want them to find me a guy, and honestly, i don't need their sympathy and all the "oh, don't worry, you will find a man, i know someone i can set you up with" comments! i just feel like screaming "i don't want a guy! leave me alone, cuz i don't even like men!" at their faces, and i would, but my mom has blood presure and heart problems. what can i do to make them all shut up?... i'm so tired of them...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): Before you "come out", read a bit on the issues families have with homosexual/lesbian children.A lot of the people who are most upset actually have some "tendencies" in that direction themselves, and can be homophobic because of it.This can lead to a nasty negative kickback when someone comes out.Other families/parents will think "what did we do wrong" and in some cases they have "done wrong" such as molesting children, etc, or not protecting them. All of which leads to a lot of internal guilt, which leads to a big negative reaction when this comes out.Understand your family better before you make any decisions about "outing" yourself and how and when you do it.OTOH, some people agonize about letting people know, finally after many years of it they tell their mother or father or siblings and the response is "Yeah, we've known that since you were 15...what's the big deal?"Just remember, no matter what your sexual orientation, you are not a lesbian or homosexual or heterosexual.You are a person. Treat yourself well, treat others well, and expect no less in return.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks to everyone that has answered me so far... i haven't told my mom yet, i still don't wanna give her a heart attack, but i finally told one of our family's friends (i used to call him uncle as a kid) to basically buzz off because he came with his son to set us up!(his son was embarassed too as he didn't know his dad's plan)
and i am pretty sure my dad knows about my sexuality. my suspisions that he knows rose today.
see, i had left some important stuff at my ex's home and since i needed to cut all ties with her i didn't plan on asking for them but he went on and asked for them anyway(they were big stuff like a camera, a dvd player etc.)
so when he told me he asked my "friend" for my stuff he mentioned she was really polite(and she was not polite with him before) and just asked if i was near him and how i was. i don't know why really, but i got in a depressed mode from this because i know her, when she doesn't spit venom she just doesn't care.
so i think my dad knows what was going on because he said that he is sure she was just being polite because she was at the uni at the time, and he believes she missed me. he consulted me in the same way he consulted me when i broke up with the only serious bf i ever had actually. i had broken friendships before and my dad didn't really worry about me. you see my point?
do you guys think i should try talking to him first, and later my mom? has he already guessed? oh and he knows that me and she were like parents to 2 pets (after the break up she got one and i got one)
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (9 January 2012):
 Flynn is totally right. This is just what families do. They irritate the hell out of all of the Singletons by endlessly asking "when are you going to get married?", "can I set you up with my accountant?", "have any dates this week?".
Pretty much you've just got to grit your teeth, smile and say, "thank you for offering, but I'm very happy right now". Or, snarl and say "thank you, but I don't want to end up like you". Or a sufficient "shut it", as Flynn has suggested would work just fine too.
Sorry your family and friends are being annoying. They think they're doing you a favor out of the goodness of their heart, but they are kind of being smug bastards. Good luck, sweet!!
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A
female
reader, Soul Writer +, writes (9 January 2012):
 You may want to consider having a serious conversation with your family about this. Granted, by the sounds of it, it'd be devastating. But, it can also bring you closer. Families do tend to criticize you, but that is just assurance that they care. I know, it often does NOT feel like that is the case. :) You are free to fall in love with whomever you want...but you must also be ready to face the consequences. It could get really messy if your family found out the hard way that you tend to prefer women. There is no rush, and there shouldn't BE any rush to find that person...to get married. So, in that, I believe your family is wrong to do this. I'd encourage you to share your feelings with them. They cannot possibly know how uncomfortable they are making you when you don't mention it. There is definitely a calm way to go about this, and quite frankly, screaming will get you know there. Try to relax and take some time to find the right words. Obviously you cannot fall in love with a man if you do not wish it. Your family does not have control over your heart, so try to share your heart with them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): This is what family does. You just gotta wear it.
I can't tell you how many times my family has alluded to the fact the think I might be gay because of my love of the theatre and my girlfriendless life.
I'm not gay. I just suck at talking to women, always did.
Point is, you just gotta tell them to shut it, or just learn to filter it out.
Flynn 24
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