A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My friend has been upsetting me.lately because she is using her baby to make me feel guilty and play silly mind games.She hasnt got alot of family and i promised that i would be there for her as much as i could be when baby arived.I work long hours and have to to keep a roof over my head. She asks me to babysit and.when i can i will, but the few times that i have said no she sulks for a few.days after and give me the silent treatment. She then tells me things like 'it sucks that you work so much, that your never there for your friends, and has called me.selfish but i cant just drop my job and she has also.said 'i thort you were going to be like an aunt to my baby but you dont bother enough, you only care about yourself' this hurts as i am there as much as i can be but i cant be there constantly and i habe to have.time for my fiance and my other family members too.She sometimes asks my opinion.on things baby related like breast feeding ect and when i answer she bites my head off saying what do you know your not a mum. if i dont answer she accuses me of not caring.Im trying to be supportive but i have a stressful job and not.alot.of time to myself and am genuinly.there as much as i can be. I have asked her if she is depressed because i was.wondering if she has postnatal disorder, tho she has always had a volitile personality so this behaviour doest come.as a surprise. Im begining to.feel.as tho i dont want.to be around her any more because she is so unkind, but i dont want to be unkind in the process, pleaae help. :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): If she's always been volatile so this isn't surprising, then this isn't postpartum depression!
why are you even friends with this person? what has she contributed to this "friendship"?
"Im begining to.feel.as tho i dont want.to be around her any more because she is so unkind, but i dont want to be unkind in the process, pleaae help. "
it's not unkind to say no to people's selfish and inconsiderate demands on you. Why would you think it is?
no matter how much you do for her, she won't appreciate it or be satisfied she'll just want even more from you. It has to stop somewhere, this is not sustainable.
A
male
reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (20 March 2012):
 It sounds a little bit like your friend doesn't really want her baby. As it has nothing to do with you physically, I don't understand how she thinks that she can just land her baby on you whenever she feels like it. It also sounds like the father isn't on the scene, which makes the baby in a poor position.As far as I can see, you have done nothing wrong as it is not your baby. You have helped her when you can and she should be grateful of this. It could well be that she is suffering from post-natal depression and if she is then I'd properly try to talk to her about this and advise her getting help.To give so much like you have and receive nothing but abuse and guilt-tripping in return must be rather painful for you. I can understand why you wouldn't want to be around her any-more but I don't think it'd be beneficial for you or even her 'stability' if you cut her out. Maybe explain to her how she makes you feel and if this continues then you will have to start leaving her to it. This should leave in her in a take it or leave situation and then it's up to her what she chooses. Good luck, I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2012): I want to add that shes married and her husband is living there too, incase anyone was wondering
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2012): Where's the dad? She's taking on a lot of stress and it's lovely that you're there for her but there'll probably come a time you need to tell her to either buck up her ideas on how she treats you or back off completely for good.
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