A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I miss my ex. We were together for 3 and a half years and have been broken up for over 4 months now and haven't talked at all since we broke up. I have dated people and am seeing someone right now who just wants to date casually or whatever and I am okay with that. But of late I have been missing my ex way too much. Like when I woke up in the morning today I wanted to call out to the guy I'm seeing but everytime I tried I almost said my ex's name. I was the one that broke up and I don't think I want him back. We had a LOT of issues that could just never be resolved. I don't know what to do to stop missing him. I stay busy with work, dates, friends and things like that but it doesn't seem to working very well.Can anyone help?
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male
reader, Timothy81  +, writes (28 July 2009):
You need to be satisfied with you work in order for it to make you feel better. If work is not what makes you happy and keeps your mind off - then it's not the work you need to be doing. If you're good at something - you feel good about yourself. You need to respect and love YOURSELF more!
A
female
reader, MRS.SCOOTA +, writes (28 July 2009):
try calling him...and if he answer tell him how u feel...
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 July 2009):
 Yep, I can. You are having second thoughts about your decision. Review it. If you think you can go back with your ex, try to do it. If you can't go back, then move on.
Does this sound right?
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A
female
reader, noonespecial2  +, writes (28 July 2009):
Hi there,Firstly, I would just accept yourself for where you're at. So... you miss him terribly, nothing wrong with that. It seems you're judging yourself for this in a negative way, just relax, say out loud, I miss him terribly, sing it, makes jokes to yourself about it, lighten it up a little, there is absolutely nothing to be concerned about, it's part of the grieving process. If you accept this, you're accepting yourself and accepting you have feelings instead of judging yourself and suppressing your feelings. When a person accepts themselves, where they are at and what they are feeling, you're facing the situation head on and it is then you will move through it. Stop resisting.Write him a letter and don't send it. Chat to your mates do whatever you need to do to be where you are. I know it hurts yet hurt can't kill you. It is a belief of mine that obsessive thinking replaces feelings. The obessive thinking keeps you stuck yet feeling your feelings moves you through. You say you have beem missing your ex way too much, says who? upon who's meaning of way too much are you placing on this. It is what it is, and needs to be accepted. You said you don't think you want him back, it sounds as if you may be having doubts about your decision, have you reflected on this? I know you said you had a lot of issues, if you and your ex had more skills in communication and resolving conflict, do you think it may have worked?Distraction from feelings by keeping yourself busy, never works. Unfortunately the inevitable has to be faced, your feelings those big scary ugly threatening things that people think will kill them but in reality help them move through difficult situations. Start singing... I miss my exxxx doo da doo da and laugh at yourself. Sing it to your faviourite song and become creative. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (28 July 2009):
 Three and a half years is such a long time, four months isn't very long... People are all quite different and have different healing times, but the most telling thing in your letter is that you do realize that your problems were insurmountable, which is a thing that you have to remind yourself daily. Loneliness is ALSO a problem when you have been in a couple for a long period, so it's great that you are occupying yourself and keeping busy with other friends and interests, but you have to accept that it's going to to take time to heal. You are doing everything right...
The only thing that I would add is that you might want to stretch yourself and try something new or some hobby that you have loved, but have dropped by the wayside. That can bring a little zest and a new circle of friends to extend yourself a bit. Always wanted to sail, learn a new hobby or volunteer? I'd try to use this as a little distraction to get yourself out of inward thinking, and who knows, you may meet someone more like-minded by stretching your boundaries a bit! XXX
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