A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im am stuck in a relationship that I feel isnt defined by anything. Not that I want definition really though because heck even if someone is your bf they could break up with you any day or be lying to you.However with the man Im "involved" with it would be nice to know that he was proud to say I was with him.Me and let's call him Eric, have known each other for years. Dated once before even. Then lost touch and recently got back together. The chemistry was/is insane between us right from the get go. However, we took things slow, saw each other once a week and didnt sleep together for almost two months. He knows my friends I know his friends. He brags about me to his friends. WE love each other and have both said so. We just feel right together and he has said so much.BUT when I asked for the commitment he told me it couldnt happen. His life is very chaotic. There are many issues and uncertainties. He also has a drinking problem which is hard at times because he may tell me something when he drinks that he forgets the next day...some of those things involving how he feels about me or our future plans.I'm so broken about this. He tells me everything about himself and even told me I'm the only person he confides in and I believe that. His problems are kinda intense and his pain very heavy I get sad about it too.But the feeling i get with him, its like I am home or something. I can always be myself and I learn so much from him too.But things are different in that he used to try harder use to send nice texts with the xo's and stuff. Not anymore though. That feeling of someone withdrawing affection can be so painful.I dont want to let go I wonder if things could change. I guess I'm willing to take what I have to take but I would love other people's opinions about his state of mind and if I sound nuts!Please no mean responses guys! You can say what you mean and not say it mean.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): Also in response to not pressuring for commitment
Should I abstain from sex too? I don't like not being in a monogamous relationship
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): Op here!!
So his problems are serious. Debt, major Carrer change, custody battle w ex over son, there are complications. I sometimes wonder if he's afraid of me being affected too
However he is very stubborn and has high expectations. That always makes me feel less then
His family is wealthy I'm more lower class this hurts me thinking it might be why. But if that's true then I wouldn't want to be with a man like that I guess
Thanks for all the help
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (7 July 2012):
Hi there. You both feel the same about each other, so there's no real problem there, is there?
So that part is positive.
Once you brought it up about commitment, well that seems to have been a kind of cooling off for him.
He got a bit scared perhaps.
Before that though, it wasn't going too badly, is that right?
You get along well, and have a good connection with each other, however he isn't quite ready yet to make a final decision on the future, it seems.
So now all you can do, is to be patient.
And whatever you do, DO NOT bring it up again about wanting a commitment from him.
That only pushes men away from you.
Men usually like to come to a decision about the future, in their own time - WITHOUT any pressure from a woman.
So from now on, just concentrate ONLY on enjoying each other's company and having fun together.
Keep the subject of COMMITMENT right off the table completely.
If you persist in trying to get an answer out of him, it will only be counter productive.
And it could even cause him to end it with you altogether.
Men really DO NOT like pressure of any kind.
So give him his space where this is concerned, and put it right out of your mind.
And when there is no pressure by you, he might make up his mind a whole lot sooner!
And in YOUR favour!
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (7 July 2012):
 Has he explained to you why he can't give you a commitment? Saying that life is chaotic is a little vague. I would ask him to be more specific because it hurts you to know that he won't commit. If he sticks by his statement that he can't make a commitment to you, you are going to have to choose whether you want to stay with him without a commitment or leave. The main thing that concerns me is that he is a drinker. Even if he did say he wanted to marry you, have you considered what life would be like with a man with a drinking problem? This disease can cause a lot of devastation to individuals, relationships, and lives. Please think carefully about this relationship. I know you love him and he is very special to you, but would this union be in your best interest and/or the interest of any children you might have?
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