A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am packing up stuff into boxes at the moment to move house with my boyfriend and I came across his leaving card from his most recent employer - it was signed by loads of people. I was looking at the card laughing at some of the comments when I found two different comments from women that have made me feel concerned and a bit sickened. The first was from a woman that said "Who is going to dance with me now?" and several kisses after it. I used to go dancing with my boyfriend at least once a week to Ceroc and I joked once to him that I didn't know how he remembered all the moves from one week to the next. He said to my face that I was the only woman he danced with so neither did he. I didn't think any thing of that until now. The other comment was more disturbing... It said "You will always be my hero with a body of adonis" again with kisses after it. This could sound like a joke - only that one morning a few months back my boyfriend got out of bed naked and said to me "Am I your hero?" and I said "Yes my love, with a body of adonis!" and we both laughed. Now I see this personal exchange re-written by another woman on his leaving card from her. I asked him about both and he said he was just demonstrating the dance moves to some of the women at work that is why they said it - though he never mentioned that before. The other comment he claims he 'doesn't know' why she wrote it - though he did go red when I mentioned it. I don't know what to think. There have been other things like texts from different women - not overtly flirting - but just sent at strange times of the day. What is happening here? Should I trust him?
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female
reader, Gridrebel  +, writes (30 January 2010):
 It appears that he might not be being honest with you. However, if his liasons happened before you got involved, it isn't really your business so to speak. Getting texts during the day? Those women might think he is still available so it is up to him to set them straight. If they are "just friends" well then, it is hard to argue with. I do find it funny that many partners that have "just friends" are fine with that way of thinking as long as it is on their side. When the roles are reversed however, they get a little testy! Interesting. I say what is good for the goose is good for the gander!!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): I think you should put a hold on the whole moving in thing because if you dont trust someone or they are giving you reason not to trust them moving in is not the answer.
I think you should leave it a while because trust forms the basis of a relationship and without that you will be constantly worrying what he's up to.
Talk to him and tell him you cant move in for a short while longer,due to whatever circumstance you decide for the reason.
Then when you are completely sure that this is the man you definitely want to be with and he wants to be with you,then move in if you think he will make you really happy.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): I say trust him, but don't necessarily trust the women he's around? The dance moved I understand why he didn't mention. I mean who tells each other about their day minute by minute anyways, not everything is worth having a conversation over. The adonis thing though, maybe he liked what you had called him and joked about himself as "adonis" at the workplace, and thats why the woman wrote it, and now he feels embarrassed that he did?
Then there's the texts. Humans love to make connections out of things, when it most of the time is simply coincidental. Try to ignore the texts, you don't know whats in the text (or you shouldn't know unless you are snooping) and you don't know the people either. All in all it comes back to whether or not you trust your boyfriend. If you dont trust him then everything he does can look suspicious. If you do trust him, then brush the negative thoughts away as they really do not prove anything.
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (30 January 2010):
 You may want to get to know him better before moving in with him. What does your gut tell you? Do you think you can trust him?
His explainations sound pretty flimsy, he might be a player.
It is possible that he wants you to feel as the other woman does, that he is your hero.
I wish you luck in whatever you decide...but remember, always trust your gut!
~BG~
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A
female
reader, LadyCorsair +, writes (30 January 2010):
 It sounds to me like they were just jokey comments. Regarding the 'adonis' comment, it sounds like he said something about it at work, and the woman was just taking the mickey! If anything was going on, these women certainly wouldn't be writing about it on his leaving card. They would have made it more personal by sending an email or a text to him.
Out of courtesy to you as his girlfriend, he shouldn't really be flirting via text, but play it cool. Men are rubbish at hiding cheating, and if you back off asking him about stuff, he'll get lazy hiding things if he IS cheating, and you'll find out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): Oh Honey i feel for you because I have been in this situation so many times. This is flirtation at work which I personally hate. If you can ignore this and get on with moving in with him then I would do it. If you are secure in yourself and confident then laugh it off and move in. If on the other hand you are like me where it has created an element of mistrust and suspicion that you never used to have think very carefully.
I was married to a man for a long time. He used to flirt outrageously at work and have secret jokes and I was never a part of it. I had a similar exp with the phrase' who loves you the most baby' which was something I thought only me and him said to each other but it transpired he also had the same joke with another girl at work. He used to come home to me but in the end he did leave me for one of these women at work.
At the moment all that this is is harmless jokey flirting and a few texts which don't suggest he is cheating. They are however warning signs of the kind of personality he has so keep an eye on this as it may be indicative of things to come. At the moment don't worrym have fun and move in and settle as a couple.
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