A
male
age
30-35,
*sc823
writes: I am definitely dealing with some crap. I know that others have gone through much worse, and I am not downplaying anyone else's situation, I just have no desire to do pretty much anything unless it's with Josh. Pretty much the only reason I leave my room/bed is to go to work. I spend more time laying in bed wishing that I had him around than I do anything else. I am emotionally dependent on either him, or the thought of him in order to have any sense of thought. The only place I really want to be is anywhere he is, and that is the truth. When I am actually with him I feel like my old self, I can be happy and not have anything to worry about. He is like a drug to me and the withdrawal symptoms are never ending. I literally go weeks without seeing him during the summer because his family travels so much, and there is not a minute that goes by that I am not thinking about him. When they are actually in town I try and be around him as much as possible. I count down the days until I can see him again, and wish them to pass faster. Then when I am with him I want time to freeze so I can keep him close to me forever. He is my happy place, my only joy... I Love Him...I feel that without him my life would be worthless, for I feel that the only point of life is to love. You may say that it's just a crush and that it will pass. I don't believe that, though. I have has crushes in the past that were short lasting, but this is MUCH different. Ever since I first laid eyes on him I have felt something for him. I mean LITERALLY it was like love at first sight. Something told me he was different than anyone I had ever been attracted to in the past. I have never felt the same bond on a personal level as I do with him. I mean we fit together SO well. I mean we don't even have to try in order for there to be chemistry, it's just there. Like, I pretty much see him more than Stephen (Josh's brother) now when I go to their house, and I definitely talk to him more. We are like a pair that is un-seperable when we are together, and I think that we are kind of obvious. By that I mean to anyone looking at us from third person perspective. Idk what his family thinks, but they seem to be giving us more space than they used to. Stephen used to be with us every time we were together, but now it seems he always gives us some alone time. Maybe they have been talking and decided that they weren't going to stand in the way, I'm not sure, but I'm not arguing. And I am still not sure If he is gay or not. I know, after all that you are probably wondering why I would let myself become so dependent on a boy who is more than likely straight. I mean there is like what, a 5% chance that someone is gay? It's just that he is JUST like me. We both act completely gay around each other, you know, being touchy-feely. He touches me constantly when he is talking to me and I will sometimes rest my head on his arm or something for a second when I am tired. We both seem to make excuses to touch each other for no reason, like putting a hand on the others back or an arm around the shoulder, stuff normal guys would flip out at unless it were obviously joking. I mean, you know how you can tell when someone is sincere or not? Well, he is always sincere when he does it, and I know I am. When he tells me that he loves me I feel so loved that I could cry. He will sometimes just say it really casually, and others it is more intimate. I feel awful when he says it near Stephen and I feel like I cannot say it back. I would be the one Stephen would get mad at, I mean you can't throw you own brother out, but you can your friend. I still remember the first time I told him that I loved him, it was the most liberating thing in the world and kind of broke down some barriers that I felt couldn't be crossed before. It made it even better when he told me he loved me back. I know it seems like he likes me to, but it just seems to good to be true. I mean, about EVERYTHING else he is very morally straight. He is a good kid and will let you know when he feels uncomfortable doing something. I mean, he is so good that he didn't want to sneak popcorn into the movie theater because it was "against the rules". It just seems that someone who is so "christian" about everything could ever be gay, but idk.Anyway, do you think this guy likes me? What should I do about the situation?
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reader, jc2008  +, writes (22 July 2011):
Hey USC823. I've been following your story for a while now. I think you need to find out what this guy feels for you otherwise this is just going to eat you up with what ifs and also the longer this goes on, the more painfull its going to be for you. Rejecting this person is not the way forward and you will regret this so if anyone suggests that don't do it. I think you need to get this guy on this own, look him in the eye and tell him how you feel, it will scare the S*** out of you but you will feel a weight lifted if you do. What ever happens at least you will have your answer and I hope it goes well.. be strong!
A
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reader, usc823 +, writes (21 July 2011):
usc823 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't believe that being a Christian would cancel out sexuality, I mean I am a Christian also. It's just that I am afraid that he will never accept the truth that he is gay and get over the belief that it is a sin. I know you are born this way, I just believe that he has some kind of internalized homophobia that he will not choose to get over.
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A
male
reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (20 July 2011):
 Just cause you're 'christian' doesn't mean you can't also be gay. One can choose one's religion. One can not choose one's sexuality. In any event, you have to find out if he's gay/bi.
If you two are as close as you say... just put it to him. You can either just ask him directly... or pepper him with 'what if' types of questions.... and eventually come out to him and ask him if he too is gay. If he truly loves you - even only as a friend - once you come out to him it shouldn't affect the friendship that badly. He might be a little upset at you at first but, again if he truly does love you - even only as a friend, he'll forgive you and things will sort themselves out.
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reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (19 July 2011):
The fact is you cannot go on as you are and you need to find out what his thoughts really are.
Admittedly you risk losing the friendship but you need to know one way or another.
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