A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm in my 40's and divorced and so is my boyfriend. He and his ex have a good, civil relationship and it works really well for everyone. She's a very calm pretty rational woman and I don't get the thought like he's going to leave me for her like I did in the beginning.Very occasionally, they will do a small family thing with their kids like the movies or holidays and they did a movie night tonight. He stopped over on his way back and was very lovey dovey like usual but sort of reserved. We talked a little about the movie but not much and I didn't really ask how it went. When he was leaving he suddenly got very affectionate and turned on and it seemed like it was after we talked about the night he got like this. Am I being totally rediculous thinking this is a sign his ex-wife still turns him on or that he felt something tonight and was testing I guess to see if the feeling goes away after he kisses me? Maybe the second one is a bit extreme but i'm trying to explain the feeling.Hoping for advice!
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 yeah, good call OP, just watch the situation instead of jumping in and saying something coz quite honestly i don't think you have anything to worry about, it seems to be that they are just maintaining a stable upbringing for their kids, even though they are not together anymore. i get on very very well with my sons dad and i got on great with his last girlfriend too (i miss her now they are not together and i don't get to chat to her anymore!) but if my ex tried to make a move on me - i would run a mile!
x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for the responses. You all made perfect sense and it has eased my mind :)I've known him for a very long time, while he was still married and I guess in the back of my mind I still see visions of them when they were happy..or so it seemed...I will take it as he just appreciating ME and not for being turned on by his ex.I was going to say something to him but after reading your responses, I'm going to wait it out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): go out with them and then observe their relatonship.
you may be surprised at your findings: either she turns out to be the love of his life or mere friends now.
if u do not spend time observing them , then u will always have doubts.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (19 July 2011):
nah, i think he got affectionate with you coz he got a sudden rush of good feelings about you, he was so happy to be with a woman who lets him spend time with his ex and the kids without getting all arsey about it! so he gave you a cuddle and then got horny, just got he was cuddling you! :)
don't be jealous. they are exes for a reason and they sound to be both grown up and and sensible enough to accept it. if they can spend time together WITH THE KIDS and maintain a happy family situation then that really tells me that they have moved on. i agree with the previous poster in that you should be a bit more involved (assuming you and him have gotten to know each other enough and you are definitely serious about each other?) coz although its nice for the kids to have mum and dad both with them, still doing family stuff, they need to also realise that dad has moved on and has a new woman too, they cannot just ignore that fact, it won't really help them in the long term
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): I don't expect he was coming onto you because he still fancies his ex wife. Surely he would be trying that stuff with her if that were the case. It might be that you still aren't 100% convinced that you can trust him around her. You have accepted that they won't be getting back together. So now you have moved on to the other worry. That he still finds her sexually attractive. Are you excluded from their family times such as holidays and evenings out? Some might say they should be allowed this time alone with their children. That's OK if neither of them have partners. But if you are sharing YOUR life with his ex and children. Then they should be prepared to share time with you too. So if you are invited out with the family for the evening or for a holiday. Do go. Sometimes watching people together and how they relate to each other can quell a lot of anxieties. You might go out with them a few times, find there is nothing to worry about. Then feel a lot more comfortable about them sharing time together.
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