A
female
age
30-35,
*hadow Rose
writes:Today I was talking with my mom, and my sister, who joined in, and they said it was wierd that I have no maternal instinct. Every woman in my family, and even a lot of men LOVE babies and kids, whenever there's a baby around, everyone coos over it, and the women can hear kids crying right away, but when it comes to me, I dont notice babies crying, I notice dogs, I dont like kids, in fact, I tend to make kids uncomfortable or bored, I even made a baby cry as soon as I held her! I dont know how to take care of kids, I dont think they're cute, I dont like them or know what to do with them, and I dont want one, ever. I've recently thought of fostering if my husband (this scenario is in the future, so my bf is my husband now, lol) really wants kids... Is it really that wierd? =/ Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (15 November 2011):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the question To Miamine: Oh, I understood what you said, of course ^.^ I just meant I dont get how it's so special, but I guess it comes with my dislike for kids. I also have a very scientific way of looking at things in the physical world (when it comes to lovve and personality, and other such things, I'm not scientific). So that may be why.
To others: I personally look down on pregnant teens and unfit mothers, so I agree that children should be brought into the world in the best circumstances.
Also happy to hear from someone who shares my opinion ^.^
And thanks So_Very_Confused for your input.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): You are young so things could change. Either way, its your choice. LIfe is Free Agency and we cannot enforce such a decision on you.
I say having children are for those who want them and will love and raise them justly, as upstanding citizens to their nation, and will provide for them.
Wish everyone else believed and lived such a standard.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): I feel the same only I'm 26. It is very annoying that people don't take me seriously when I say I don't want children, they think I will change my mind. I won't.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 November 2011):
 my boyfriend is 38 and hates kids. no kids for him which is good cause I'm done with kids..
most of the couple friends we have are childfree two by choice.
not everyone wants or has kids.
it's normal for you.
don't fret it.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (15 November 2011):
 Sigh.. maybe my words were clumsy. A child is made up of the genes of a woman and a man. It is you and him, in the same body, creating a new person. Your child is a mixture of your DNA. That's all I meant, not to say that somebody should have a baby to please anyone. Some women like the fact that they can sometimes see their partners physical charteristics and personality in a child that they gave birth to. That's how some women/men feel. I know I got my fathers temper, but my mothers heart, and I look like both of them. Got mum's hair and dad's legs. I may not be explaining very well, but I think this is a very common feeling for women who want to have children.
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female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (15 November 2011):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone. I'm glad to know I'm not wierd :)
Although I should clarify a little, I have a bf currently who is pretty much a fiance, he's a year younger and wants to wait to propose until he's an adult, so he already knows my dislike for kids.
And when I mentioned fostering, I meant like, if I ever do want kids, I'd rather foster than have my own biological kid. I dont understand that whole physical manifestation of love thing, I wouldn't think of a baby as showing my love for him...
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reader, sammy1986 +, writes (15 November 2011):
I'm a single mum to a 3 year old little boy my boyfriend left me when I was 6 weeks pregnant with him and I was exactly the same as you I was absolutaly terrified but when I gave birth to him I totally changed I loved him straight away now I couldn't imagine my life without him he is the best thing that ever happened to me and as for not knowing what to do with babies nobody exactly knows you just learn as you go along also the love they give you is amazing
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (15 November 2011):
Didn't mean to offend you anon, that's why I made it clear that some women (and men) feel like this, not all and some women (and men) don't like kids and won't have them. I'm sorry your upset about the fact that some people like children. When I made it very clear that some people don't want them and will never have them, and that is fine too.
There are billions of people in the world, millions born every day, so that means that a lot of people like kids. It will be difficult for you if you get upset with people who try to explain the reasons the like children. You make your choice, please don't be upset that other people think differently.
No offense is meant. You sound like you have issues of your own, and your views are not accepted. It's not like that in my world, and by the way, I don't have kids either.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 November 2011):
 I'd say at 18 is pretty normal ! Who has time to bother with children, with all the exciting fun promising stuff going on around you at 18 ?...
It never dawned on me until 30 that if I wanted to create my own family ( I did ) I was going to have to deal with handling a baby then a toddler myself. I did, and I managed to be a good parent too. I managed to muster a certain enthusiasm for my OWN kid ( whom , I confess, I saw as extraordinarily cute, but still without going overboard with the ohs and ahs and the isn't he lovely ) and to be indifferent to / annoyed by any other child. As I still am today .
This to say, things change, your feelings may very possibly change.But if they don't, it's not weird and it's not a problem. Just among my circle of friends, there are 4 couples who are childless by choice. Luckily nowadays your worth as a human being is not measured by your potential for reproduction .
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011):
I would say it is not typical, but not unusual.
I feel the same way you do. I especially dislike babies. Kids 8 and up are okay in small doses. I never liked kids even when I was a kid. I couldn't wait to grow up and be around grownups.
Maybe it plays a part in it, but my kid brother is much, much younger than I am. I was old enough to remember visiting my mom at the hospital, the day my parents brought him home, and basically all that raising him involved for better and worse. Having had that experience (which was interesting) I have no desire to relive it. I wonder how many people who have kids never experienced that firsthand and so feel like having kids is their way to experience it. I don't really feel like it's a part of my life I'd like to relive and it doesn't help that my brother turned out to be a jerk who spent time in jail. Yes, all that sacrifice was worth it. Not. Some children are wonderful and support you in your old age. Others are a lifelong headache.
I am 40 and my wife is 41. We will never have kids. I don't know why breeders insist that we should. Even some of the responses here: "the desire to have kids will probably come later on" are borderline offensive to me. "A living example of the love they share for their husband?" Really?
I also have thought of fostering children at some point. I don't see anything wrong with that. I like being with my nephew, who I basically raised from age 8 to 14. It doesn't mean I want a baby and it doesn't mean I have nothing to contribute to society. There are kids out there who were spawned by parents who didn't think things through very clearly beforehand, but that doesn't mean they couldn't use a mentor or a positive role model.
This world is overpopulated, most parents don't give near as much thought to having kids as they should, and studies have shown that overall parents are less happy than couples without children - even as they advance into old age.
A lot of my coworkers have kids and I think a lot of women might be surprised at what their husbands say about their kids when their wives are out of earshot. My boss' wife just had their fourth child. He is 50 and she is not too much younger. It was quite unexpected at their age. He has quietly resigned himself to it, but I can tell that it's not really something he wanted. His youngest was 8 and now he is doing baby stuff again. He doesn't even like to talk about it, unlike the excited, glowing 20something parents who have no frickin' idea what they just got themselves into.
I think there is a reason that the more educated people are the fewer kids they have. Octomom can churn out a dozen of them. Parents who can actually afford to raise a child and who have a conscience agonize over having just one.
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reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (15 November 2011):
 I actually didn't want children in my late teens-early 20s...but when I hit 24 it's like a ticking time bomb went off inside me, and I had to be a mother. Married at 25, soon to be 27 next month and we're struggling with infertility.
Give it till your mid 20s, when you're more in your child bearing age, and are married..and I'm sure you biological time clock will start ticking.
Also, keep in mind that not wanting biological children can be a deal-breaker for men. So if you find yourself 24, browsing for a future husband, and still don't want children then you need to make that clear.
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reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (15 November 2011):
 You and me both ;) It's not that unusual, though of course, views can change and you may be hit by the maternal urge some day. But its really not unusual to have that feeling, a lot of people do.
If you aren't into kids though, why would you want to foster? Don't do something you would not be truly committed to.
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reader, C. Grant  +, writes (15 November 2011):
 Be true to yourself. Not everyone wants a child, wants to be a parent. If you're sure that how you are, then not having a child, not becomming a parent, is a great service. Far better to be true to yourself than to be in a child's life when that is not what you want to do.
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reader, Miamine +, writes (15 November 2011):
No it's not weird, you are still young. If you don't want kids when your older, then tell your husband before you get married. Yep, you might not want or like kids, but many women tend to want a child as a living example of the love they share for their husband. Many kids hate vegetables, and then grow up and love them. Most kids don't want to go to bed, but then get to be adults, who love to sleep because they are tired after working so hard. Don't hurry to plan your future, because whatever plans and life don't get together. Just take one day at a time and enjoy the ride as best as you can. Who knows how you will feel by the time your ready to have kids. Just don't forget to tell the guys when you settle down, if you really don't want kids and can't stand them. Many men won't stay because many men want kids to leave all their money too. If you don't want kids ever, then don't foster one, because it will hurt them if you don't like them and won't take care of them and fostered kids have been hurt enough. Your young, or you would realize that this plan is nonsense. You can't have kids to please a man, you would destroy them emotionally. Kids are people too, and they are very delicate and have feelings. I don't think you'd get a dog and then hate it, so don't this with a kid.
If you don't like kids, then that's ok, many women and men are exactly the same, but wait until your older before you make any decisions.
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reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (15 November 2011):
 I can completely relate to your post...its just the very words I would say!! I cant stand children, I never want to have children because i know I cannot ever do justice to them because I just cant STAND kids. I love dogs though, and I have absolutely no qualms in adopting as many dogs as I can and looking after them all my life. My dalmatian IS my life and I love her and adore her and she's everything to me!
Yes it raises eyebrows when I say I don't like kids. My mom thinks I'm being silly, but I'm old enough to realize I don't and that's that. Weird? I don't know and I honestly don't care and neither should you. Everyone doesn't have to like everything, right? And trust my luck, every time I'm in a flight, there is an annoying kid RIGHT next to me! I hate it but what can you do really?! I don't think they're cute AT ALL, I don't know what to do with them either and I also make kids uncomfortable.
Just make sure your BF/husband thinks on the same wavelength, though, or there could be sparks flying!!
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male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (15 November 2011):
No, it's not weird at your age at all. I think you are WAY over thinking this in the fact you are thinking of fostering in the future!
Enjoy your life as it is now, the desire to have kids will probably come later on.
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