A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't know how to act around women. When I go to a club, I see my friends casually walk past girls in clubs, rub up against them/touch them up a little and then carry on walking as if nothing happened. Other times it'll happen when they're dancing, and some girls seem to like that and they'll dance together for most of the night, which generally leads to them going home together later.I'm just not that way inclined. I like to talk to women and get to know them. You can't do that in a club scene, and I feel like that's all I've got. All I want is to meet a nice, attractive girl. I SEE plenty of attractive girls, but they only ever seem to go to clubs.What can I do? I'm 20, I'm pretty mature, but I want to have fun! And I want to have the same good fortune my friends seem to be having. But it looks like that would involve not being myself, and I'm not sure I know how. Please help me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (15 May 2009):
 sure, u can do the same as ur buddies there do, rub girls up, get a little feely with them then take em home and bang them. but, is that what ur looking for? or are u looking for a respectable girl u can have good times with that will eventually lead to more? sure u have the women who like to get around, and u have guys u see who always seem to get laid, but its the nice guys who win in in the end. so remember that most girls like confident, funny guys who are adventurous, willing, fun, down to earth, clean, trendy, and mature. flirting is always welcome, but coming on too strongly usually turns off females. as we know usually when a guys looking to just get a lay. be a gentleman, whatever it is to be one nowadays... in a world filled with women, ur bound to find one who will tickle ur fancy.
A
female
reader, sammi star +, writes (15 May 2009):
 God it sounds like such a cliche but being yourself is all you can be! For every girl that likes guys to come up and put his hands all over, there'll be twice as many that would be glad to meet a guy like you that wants to chat and get to know her first. Ok, so yeah, most people in clubs are looking for that kinda thing but not ALL. And clubs aren't the only place to meet girls. What about bars and pubs? Any other activities that you do? You are totally doing the right thing in being yourself and being a decent guy, you've got more chance of it actually leading to something when you do meet a girl. I hope that helped a little, good luck. x
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A
male
reader, Dreamlover  +, writes (15 May 2009):
 hey there, not to worry, you are who you are and that who you must stay. Stay true to yourself. There is no quick fix to finding a girl for just the sex of a partner.
If you dont want to deceive youself and be who you not then you should never do it. Your time will come, and while your friends might have all these girls now they may never find the right one.
You respect woman and you feel the need to find the right person i admire you for that and no one can take that away from you but yourself.
Have fun and enjoy your life now while you can, it does not have to involve finding a girl, that time will come
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A
female
reader, Pyro_Dimples  +, writes (15 May 2009):
 well you either need to come out of your shell or find a new way to meet girls. Just because you dance with a girl all night doesn't mean you can't get there number and go out to coffee later. You don't to have to be a sleeze and grab on every girl there but if you find one just go start dancing or if your more polite then see if there are any at the bar or around the edge and ask if she would like to dance. Just have fun but don't change your ways. If you really are looking for more than a one night lay it may take time but you can't give up because your not as physical with girls as your pals. best of luck.
-Jessi
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A
male
reader, James_501 +, writes (15 May 2009):
Hi there
I'm the same as you myself. To be honest most men are. A simple answer is that the women who tend to go to clubs are after a good time and just want to have fun and open to casual relationships. They're very unlikely to be too interested in getting to know you well or seeing guys they bump into as long term relationships. If thats what you're after then fine, just start going up to girls in clubs and treat them as they deserve to be treated. That is make it obvious you're after sex and flirt with them. I wouldn't expect anything too serious though.
If clubs are not your thing, and I never went out with anyone I met in a club, go to other places that are more conducive to getting to know a person. Maybe pubs where it is less noisy, sports clubs, work or practically anywhere else. I would guess your friends probably get rejected quite a bit but don't mention it as they don't really care. They just move on to the next person.
I'd say you're young so enjoy practicing speaking to women while concentrating on laughing and flirting. If the woman sees your confident and up for a laugh, they're be plenty of opportunities. Good luck!
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