A
male
age
30-35,
*onesomeWolf
writes:ok, well my situation is this, im a college student attending Utah State University, and ive fallen for a friend of mine, the feeling has grown over the past five months, shes a beautiful girl and very intelligent, with a very unique personality. the issue comes in the fact that ive had kind of a rough past due to growing up in an area where religious intolerance is very common, (utah) and as such i became self supporting and distrustful of people at a young age, im very tired of being used by people, especially women. it takes a lot for me to trust a girl, anyway back to the main topic, im very interested in this girl but dunno how to proceed, we spend increasing amount of time together, to the extent of me giving her a full body massage and cuddling while watching a movie. she knows im interested in her, and that id do anything for her, but i dunno how she feels and i cant get a straight answer out of her, tho she does say she trusts me more than she has ever trusted anyone. i think and worry about her quite often. ok now a little background on me, i'm a soldier attending college, im also a member of the big brothers program and a really involved in the scouting program, i am about 5'8" and have a decent build and tattoos, tho im by no means perfect. the girl mentioned is a californian who is a conservationist and a surfer. sorry if this post seems a little scattered, i just dunno what to do, i really want a relationship with her, please help!!!
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (10 March 2011):
 Utah is a very religious intolerant place, I live in Wyo and go down there often.
Have you been blunt and straight to the point with her? Perhaps she isn't clear all the way of your feelings and doesn't want to say anything first? Perhaps she is unsure of how she feels and doesn't want to hurt your feelings?
If she wants a relationship with you great, ask her and tell her she can be honest with you, you can handle the truth (no pun intented). Even if you have to be her friend for a while before becoming her bf. Take it slow.
Be upfront and honest. I appreciate it when my fiance is with me. Don't let her scoot by without answering you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): I can understand your confusion, you feel close to her, she lets you touch her in a very intimate way (and, yes, a full-body massage is intimate), but her physical intimacy with you does not extend to a verbal expression of her feelings. It is confusing for you, absolutely, as it would be for anyone. Ain't it strange, but isn't this the opposite way round from what it's supposed to be? Call me "exceptionally ancient" if you like, but I always understood talking came first, then physical intimacy? Hey ho!You cannot go on forever investing your time and emotion in this girl and remain uncertain of her feelings (if any) for you.Prepare yourself, perhaps she likes you as a friend only - but my sense is that all you really need is an answer?As chigirl said, don't go overboard for this girl. If you give, give, give, rest assured, she will take, take, take.Ask her straight out, "Are we in a relationship? Is this going somewhere?" If she answers "No", or refuses to answer, then put some MAJOR DISTANCE between you and she. You say you "can't get a straight answer out of her", well, there are a couple of possibilities:1. she does not feel for you as you feel for her2. she simply does not like to be asked again and againYou say you've had issues, particularly with women ... In what way? Have you been hurt before? Do you tend to "give all to love", jumping in with your heart in your hands?Ask her a direct question, if you don't get a direct answer, step back and move on.I wish you a happy, healthy and peaceful life and, hope you will always find a way home, whole and healthy, from wherever you are posted on active duty.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 March 2011):
 What do you mean " you could not get a straight answer " ?
Did you ask her ? what happened.... Did you tell her " Would you like to be my gf " and she answered " The political situation in Lybia is very troubling, don't you think ? "??
Or you mean that you have been dropping hints here and there and she has not caught them yet ?
As a rule of thumb, when you cannot get a straight answer, the answer is no. Do you think that if she liked you the same way you like her ( i.e. much ) she would hesitate to "bite " at any hook you may throw at her ? she'd bite, fast and enthusiastically before you change your mind.
Sure all the cuddling and massaging are confusing for you, then again many girls like to be touchy feely with their friends, they like the attention and the affection, that does not mean they want to be more than friends. I am afraid this is the case- then again, the best way to have a straight answer is to ask a very straight question !.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): I think you need to talk to her about this, ask her where she would like things to go between you. If she enjoys the full body massage maybe she is hoping for full sex.
You seem a bit preoccupied with physical things yourself. Have you thought about what you have to offer each other as regards personality, values etc?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 March 2011):
 How direct about your interest for her have you been? You said she knows you like her, so why has she not given you an answer to whether or not she wants to be your girlfriend?
It's likely, unfortunately, that she doesn't want to give you a clear answer because she isn't interested in you that way. But she is scared of loosing the friendship, and all the benefits. You give her massages, you would do anything for her, you are probably a great confidence boost to her. Im not sure how your distrust in people comes in, you appear to trust her a lot already? Otherwise you shouldn't have gotten so close and intimate with her already, when you don't know if the feeling is mutual.
Hold back for a bit, don't go overboard with doing things for her. She is NOT your girlfriend, and you should not be doing extra things for her. It's like the saying goes, why buy the cow when you get the milk for free. Why should she think of a relationship with you when you give her all the benefits without her committing. It's ok to be nice, but don't treat her special above all other friends when she's JUST A FRIEND. For now. Special treatment is for special people, such as a girlfriend.
You have two options. You can either be patient and see if she will develop feelings for you as well, or you can accept that she isn't interested in you that way and move on. So far though, this girl doesn't seem that into you. She likes you as a friend, and enjoys the attention, but nothing more.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (10 March 2011):
 Next time you give her a full body massage lean over and kiss her neck, then slowly kiss her all the way down to her legs.
She will either tell you to stop or she will roll over and kiss you back. After that u can use your imagination and take it from there.
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A
female
reader, neha da  +, writes (10 March 2011):
hi soldier guy, reading about your closeness i must say that she really trusts you.but before going in too deep into this..make urself clear! does she loves you or shes just trying to be like 'friends with benefits'. if she trusts you and if u trust her then confess your feelings.if she already has the hint then you discuss about it with her. if she agrees then well done,if she needs time to think-give it but if shes just fooling around then i say you stop it! or ull end up hurting urself. good luck
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