A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just got out of a horrible relationship. We were together for two years, but things weren't the greatest while we were together. We loved each other but for some reason he didn't know how to treat me right. The whole relationship was dysfunctional and it really messed me up emotionally and psychologically because now its hard for me to trust people. My friends tell me I've put up a shield that allows me to not get close to anyone.Since we broke up, which has only been about a week, I've started to feel a whole lot better about myself. I even met a new guy already. But since I have just gotten out of this relationship, its hard for me to trust someone, or even recognize what a good guy is. I'm excited about this new guy. He's funny. He gets my humor. I like how he is interested in my culture. He made several honest inquiries about my culture and my family. He told me a lot about himself. It's just really nice to have someone seem genuinely interested in YOU, after coming from a relationship that was so focused on resent and revenge. So heres the thing. I met this guy while out with some friends one night. To be honest, I was a little drunk. I was feeling very confident, and I actually approached the guy myself. He ended up just asking for my number, after we kissed, and we went our separate ways. He called me the next day and we've been texting ever since. I let him initiate it at first, but I decided to talk to him first one day. So he asked me if we could hang out at some point during the weekend, so I said yea. Now he hasn't talked to me today. I don't want to talk to him in thinking I'm too eager. Honestly I like this guy. He seems genuine. I really don't want to mess this up. I mean, i'll be honest, I like him, I don't want to screw it up, I just want the chance to have a nice relationship with someone. I want to be able to make a good connection with someone. I don't want to get hurt, but I don't want to seem needy. How do I find a balance? how do i approach this guy? Do i just chill out and let things happen naturally? Do i text him, or does he talk to me? The way I look at it, I should take things slow and chill, but I don't know when I'm being overly chill. I've been told I'm so aloof that it seems like I'm overly confident, or uninterested. But I'm not. I just want to get to know this guy genuinely. Any help would be appreciated. Sorry its so long!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell im not trying to just jump into a relationship, but I do want to get to know this guy and spend time with him. I should have mentioned that we've been breaking up for the past year, so it's been on/off. I've been checked out of the relationship since november anyway. I guess i just really want to know tips? Like my friends are completely different from I when it comes to dating. I'm more a laid back guy's girl while they're vixens. I'm not even sure when I'm flirting but apparently I'm good at it from what my friends say. I just need some tips on how to not seem too eager or like i want to get serious, but I don't want him to be dating around on me as well you know what i mean. Confusing i know. But thank you for the advice. Definitely dont want another relationship right away and i do know what to look out for.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): You've only been out of a dysfunctional relationship for a week, and in that time your friends have told you that you've put up barriers - well, I should jolly well hope so!You meet a guy while you're slightly drunk, kiss him and exchange phone numbers ... that's quick work, girly! That's not a compliment, by the way.You've just been fortunate enough to escape from a bad relationship and you want to jump back in straightaway? Are you insane?!You cannot believe that in the space of a week you have healed from what you went through in the previous two years? You are still in turmoil (though you may not recognise it right now) and certainly not in a strong place.Please, please, for your sake, give yourself some time. Yes, you should definitely go out there, meet people, have fun, but don't be looking to get serious and talk in terms of having a relationship with the first guy you meet.You ARE hurt and you ARE needy - you know this yourself, you said it yourself. For now just concentrate on living life and having fun - there is no rush to be in a relationship. It is not the be all and end all of life.I wish you a happy, healthy and peaceful life.
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (10 March 2011):
 Well I think you've earned your wings and your sword and your shield from your last dysfunctional relationship.
Now you know how to proceed in confidence, caution and strength. That's good !
Now you seek balance and the chance to put your heart out there again. That's good !
So grasshopper, you are ready to leave, you must be the jedi, the force be with you.
You'll know what to do, be aware, be you and be happy.
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