A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. I can’t even explain how much we’ve gone through together but he has always been there for me. The problem is while I was going through certain things in my life I lost pretty much all of my friends except for one. I don’t have a girl to talk to and to just do stupid things like gossip and go to the spa with anymore because the one girlfriend that I have left is self-absorbed and in her own world and only talks about herself all the time. He’s the only person that I have now and being in college and living with him, I don’t really have a chance to meet anyone. This isn’t a college town; it’s an actual city so some people commute from home to school. So I have no one to talk to when something happens between us or he’s busy or when I just want time away from him. I find that when I’m in class, I just don’t really feel like making the effort to talk to people because I’m texting him the entire time and I feel like these people aren’t even going to want to see me once the class ends. I feel like you have to know someone to get introduced to other people and then start hanging out with them. Don’t get me wrong though, I have had my fair share of being very social and going out with people and partying. I’m just bitter with people now because it’s so easy for people to leave you if you have a problem that they don’t want to help you with or they see that you have changed and don’t want to go out and drink and party every night. The point is I only have him and I want to branch out so badly but he thinks that he isn’t good enough for me to stay with him. He thinks that if I make new friends they are going to convince me to do something stupid. That scares me too but I feel like I need new people that want me in their lives. I just all around don’t know what to do anymore.
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female
reader, visione +, writes (29 January 2010):
 CaringGuy gives great advice, your relationship sounds very dependent and unbalanced. This can lead to emotional rollercoasters when one side or the other gets fed up. Your bf not allowing you to make friends sounds like he is very dependent on you too, as well as controlling.I understand how you feel about not wanting to even bother approaching people in class and such, you feel kind of detached. Its good that you want more people in your life though! What helped me was setting myself up into situations where I would have to talk to people - sitting next to someone instead of off to the side, attending a random (small) meeting, arriving to class early to ask other early people about a previous or upcoming assignment or whatever. As for whether your new friends will make you do something "stupid" or not - I think you have good enough of a judgement to know whats right or wrong.Does your schedule allow for a part time job? That will definitely help you meet people and put you in a role where you feel needed and helpful.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 January 2010):
You need to girl friends, and you need to start talking to those in your class. You're relying on your boyfriend far too much, and that's not healthy. Your boyfriend is being way too controlling to now allow you to make new friends, and that's a big red flag. Try joining a hobby group where you can meet other girls.
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