A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Wow, when I didn't things could get worse. My boyfriend and I went through a really rough time. He cheated on me a few times and broke my heart. I love him and wanted to be with him, so I forgave him. I found out i was pregnant and just recently miscarried (blighted ovum). Before i lost this baby, we were still in love with each other, he was going to "prove" to me that he wants me in his life and that he truly loves me, he was really excited to be a dad, as I was to be a mom!!! Well, I don't think that his selfish ways will ever change. When I told him that I'm not going to have a baby... I was devastated. I wanted to have a child. I am ready to be mom. I am ready to give selflessly. He was good when I told him, he sounded very sympathetic, he told me he loved me, he tried to reassure me that everything is going to be o.k. He works out of town so I asked him to come home. After him checking with his boss ... I guess he couldn't leave, they would be really short. I then suggested for myself to come up for the night so that he could hold me. I would go up for the night and leave the next day. I needed him. I felt like I was begging him to help me through this. He told me that the reason he did not want me to come up was because his company had people from out of town and they were all having a social. He is NOT the only one going out from his company, others are going as well. So it is NOT his soul responsibility to take these people out. I am not completely sure of this, but I'm pretty sure. I saw how selfish he was when he treated me with such disrespect(the lies, cheating, betrayal, the hurt), but this WAS IT for me.. This is what showed me how selfish he really can be, He thought of himself before he thought of me. He said that I was important and what I was going through was important. So he was going to come home a few nights from now ... I don't need him a few nights from now, I needed him today. I don't feel important.I texted him and told him that "I did not think this was just happening to me, that i thought this was happening to us ... That i did not think that anyone would fault him for cutting his evening short to hang with me, That I needed him tonight and am not ashamed of that fact". I feel comfortable enough with him to tell him my thoughts and feelings. I am devastated over the loss of my dream of having a baby. Devastated because I had so many dreams. I am devastated that the person that was supposed to love me does not want to support me. Having to convince someone to help me does not make me feel good. My friends and family have been great and very supportive.... and that is getting me through this cry fest!! I don't feel very loved by him. I guess, I don't have a specific question ... I am looking to talk and just get a different point of view about my bf
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male
reader, screen.name  +, writes (26 April 2008):
 I am the person refered to in the initial statement.. Through all things KH74 and I had been through "losing" the baby and the rest of our relationship issues I found a picture of KH74s ultrasound picture proudly displayed on facebook.
For all the negative response her blog/statement received and negative comments about myself... I would like to respond. For all the negative things that I have done I have taken the end of our relationship and the death of our child to heart.. She had a neighbor finally return my call and inform me that KH74 had been found passed out on her couch surrounded by sleeping pills and would return my calls (multiple) when she was feeling around to it... With her understanding of my views on suicide she thought by having some one tell me she lost the baby and tried to kill herself I would just fade off into the distance... I admit I did... She did not return my calls and we were done. No baby no relationship at all... 3to4 months go by and this pic is found and I look further into it ... True enough Ultrasound Pictures on FAcebook.... So I've emailed about my knowledge and tried to call with message... My question to DC is... With all that has gone on what how do I persue a relationship with my soon to be child.. I have rights as does this child.. I have a suspicion I will hear nothing in response.. And look to my critics for any advice/comments... Be gentle on me...I know she posts here regularily and may stumble across this...as per the title of this blog... It was never a question of my love for her... I love her truely to this day and whole heartedly regret everything I ever did to hurt her...
A
female
reader, Just.me +, writes (22 February 2008):
I too am sorry for your loss. I agree that your boyfriend will never change... and maybe he was at home trying to get a hold of you instead of at company social. But why did he put up a fuss, why did he not just welcome you with open arms, why did he not say ... I wouldn't have it any other way, BUT he will never get it. My husband and I went through a miscarriage and he was there for me, every step of the way. He actually worked out of town as well and just told his boss that he HAD to go, that I needed him. He does not sound like he is very into you. Sorry, I don't mean to rub salt on a wound. I hope that you take care of yourself. You deserve the entire package. You deserve to have a man that will adore you and treat you with the love and respect that you were meant to have. This man will not give it to you. This man will not give it to anyone. He says he loves you, but I don't think that he knows what love is. I don't think he knows what he is giving up. You loved him, with all your heart and did not know what to do with that.... and that is sad, very sad.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): I am very sorry for your loss, your miscarriage, I know that was really rough on you, and quite frankly, just now your hormones are all over the place and you sound pretty depressed because of that as well.....I think your boyfriend just doesn't get it......and maybe it is a blessing in disquise (I know you hate hearing that just now) until you all can work out your trust issues and actually get married first.
If you can't forgive him for cheating and he can't earn back your trust then it is time to let the relationship go....I don't know the circumstances surrounding that, but cheating several times does not sound good, unless he though you were in an uncommitted relationship, open to date, and you thought differently, that happens a lot, men don't say what they mean and mean what they say and they let the woman think she is the only one, when she may just be number 1....if that is the case and he is now committed to only you then that may be a different situation....how was he in his past relationships with women, did he cheat on them? If he truly is a cheater, he is probably going to do that over and over again, which you don't sound like you are OK with, and why would you be? You have a decision to make, but I would give yourself time to grieve the loss of the pregnancy before making any major decisions.....you will know here soon enough what you want to do.....Take care.
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A
male
reader, screen.name +, writes (22 February 2008):
Really..? maybe he was at home trying to get ahold of you instead of at the company social... unreal
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): I am very sorry for your loss. In terms of your dissatisfaction with your BF, I can't say I feel sorry for you there. This guy has been showing you through his actions for a while now, that his love for you is mediocre at best. That you can't count on him or trust him. You knew this before you got pregnant. I mean I could understand your disappointment if he actually really was a good guy who treated you wonderfully and then all of a sudden let you down. But this is not the case at all. He is actually someone who cheats on you and has let you down numerous times and even so you are surprised that he let you down again?! What more do you expect from him?? And why are you so surprised that things are still the same?? That you still can't count on him?? Did you think having a baby was going to change that?? Cause its not. He is still the same guy with the same half-assed "love" for you. And you say that you are "devastated that the person who was supposed to love you won't support you." Supposed to love you?! That's a interesting perspective but no guy who loves you would ever cheat on you. But I think deep down you know that. So for how long are you going to continue trying to convince yourself that he loves you?? How many more times are you going to cry your eyes out of "disappointment" for something that you already knew was going to happen???
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A
female
reader, velvetluv21 +, writes (22 February 2008):
There is very little you are saying to make me think he cares about you in the slightest. Maybe this miscarriage is a neon sign that says: you know what you want (a happy life with a husband and baby) and this is the last guy that will ever give that to you. I strongly believe everything happens for a reason. Oprah has a saying.. first you hear a whisper, then a loud voice, then a slap upside the head and if you still don't listen, you get a brick wall. There have obviously been many signs he doesn't care but maybe it takes losing a baby to really make you realize who he is. If you were 16 i'd say I understand your reasoning for the choices so far but after 30 there is no reason to put up with one ounce of bull from anyone. Life is too short and if someone doesn't want to be around you, why should they even get one second of your time or tears. It just isn't worth it.
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