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age
26-29,
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writes: Im only 13, but I dont see much of a future for myself. I have never had any "real" friends [ ones that I can really talk to about serious things ]. I dont hang out or talk to anyone at all. At school most people talk about me behind my back saying that im weird and i dont talk. But at home I talk a lot and my family doesnt listen to me. I live with my mom and older sister. My sister has made it clear that she doesnt like me [ she has anger issues and it doesnt take much to piss her off ]. My mom and I arent close [ its embarrasing even to go to the store and buy makeup because my mom and I dont talk about things like that]. I always been the weird and ugly girl in my class and I cant to anyone because I dont know what to say. Its like im in my own personal bubble watching everyone eleses life pass by while mine just stands still. I have never had a boyfriend. Im nervous about going into high school next year beacuse thats where people have some of the best experiences of their life and confide in friends. I am very mature for my age. I think I will be alone forever because I believe that I dont have much of a personality. I havent done much so in my life [ nothing fun] therfore I have nothing to talk about with people. I want to have all of those great times I hear about people having in high school [friends, first love, having fun, ect], but for some reason I dont see it happening to me. I dont see much of a future for myself and I want to know what I can I do to make me not think this way, or any opinions on what you think about this [ i know, im pathetic] Thanx:[
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): Teenage - like the other people who have responded to you, I can't stress enough how important it is that you realise you have a bright future. I can see you are smart and articulate just by reading your post.
I also know exactly what you're feeling. I kept a diary throughout my life (including my teenage years) and had EXACTLY the same problems when I was your age. I never thought I'd have good friends, a boyfriend or interting life. I'd look around at the popular girls and wish, more than anything in the world, that I could be like them. Now the good news for you - I am SO glad I was not like those girls. Their lives peaked in high school. At my high school reunion, I ended up feeling genuinely sorry for them as they had never dealt with the really serious issues you are already grappling with at your age. It truly sucks at the time but, it does give you a strength of character that you will find so valuable when you are older.
My teenage years were hell - but I got through them and went on to have a successful legal career and marriage. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 26 - everyone thought that was too late but I had to be mature enough to deal with it and I have absolutely no regrets.
So try and take some solace in the fact that you will get through this. I know you will. Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): Girl, everyone has a future, you just have to keep in mind that your own is yours to command. Also, the more you say something to yourself, the more you start to believe it!
I've just read all the advice the others have given you in this column and truly, they're right, everything they said was brilliant...so now I can't really think of anything inspiring to say so I'm gonna do something instead......watsername23, I'm Hermione (not really, but on this I am) and I'm gonna be your friend. I feel like I haven't got much friends quite a bit too but I'm 15 and I think you and I have a lot in common. I should warn you, I'm not the most desirable friend in the world but I'll do my best.
xxx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): I know exactly how you feel. I grew up in a terrible environment with morons, morons, morons everywhere I went, starting at my home. Not one of them could understand my needs, let alone care for them!
You know what I did? I played videogames (and still do). I NEVER felt the need for friends, rest assured. Most were too stupid to be my friends anyway!
So get yourself a good gaming platform (eg. a powerful PC or a PS3) and some good videogames. (This will also give you a decent conversation topic should you ever find potential friends to talk to). My favorites are "Resident Evil 4" and "Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines". Try them, they rock! (You don't know what you are missing, seriously! Today's videogames are more like interactive movies with suspence, romance, action and all!)
Whatever you do, stay away from relationships for now. Study hard and graduate from high school with flying colors, there will be time for a good relationship when you have a diploma in your hands. And don't get into a fight with morons; just plain AVOID them! Otherwise they'll drain your time and energies leaving you a lifeless shell of your former self, I guarantee that!
Hope my advice was helpful, I suggest you listen to it, it sure helped me survive until adulthood and until today.
Goodbye, and good luck!
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male
reader, RIKI93dw  +, writes (21 August 2010):
Never say you're life is over while you are so young you have everything goin for you believe me when I was at school I never had people that I could really talk to. What you should do is find what interests you and what you would like to do as a career or a job and pursue those goals. Look if you go through life thinking the worse then the worse will happen but if you learn to believe then you're halfway there in whatever you do and about your personality dnt keep putting yourself down about it ok it doesn't help anyone especially you ok. You just need to find that extra bit of belief to get you through this and I'm sure things will become easier for you
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female
reader, BeSimplyTrue  +, writes (21 August 2010):
 Oh, wow. You sound soooo much like me when I was your age: being the weird and ugly girl, ignored by my classmates, feeling like everyone else's life is going great while I'm just a spectator. It's a hard way to live. Looking back, I have said (probably wrongly) that it might have been less sad to be bullied, because at least then I would've felt like I mattered in some way. I didn't even matter enough for people to hate me.
But the GOOD NEWS is, I got out of it and so can you. It was a slow process for me. But thanks to your awareness of the problem (I was unhappy but couldn't identify why, even though I was mature for my age as well), and your willingness to seek help, I'm sure you will get through it much better than I did!
Here's my first suggestion, how to start: I think you need to make over your life so that YOU like it. This can start small, no worries. You said you "don't have much of a personality". Is this referring to shyness, or is it that you don't really know what your likes and dislikes are? Or something else entirely? I'm not really sure what you meant by that line but it really jumped out at me. Anyway, you may have seen it before on this site but I'm gonna say, start with you and your life, make yourself into someone YOU love, because that has to happen before anyone else can love you.
For now I'm gonna go with "not having likes and dislikes" as a possible answer, because when I think of my friends' personalities I often think about what kind of things they like to do. A friend with a "fun loving" personality (which is kind of a stupid term--who DOESN'T like fun?) is often outgoing, talkative, and confident in physical situations like a dance. A friend who has a "bookworm" personality is into books, obviously, but also more quiet and thoughtful, maybe a little awkward socially but still sweet. Know what I mean? These little phrases are tied in with a person's temperament but also their likes and dislikes (books, dancing). So if you don't already know, find out what your likes and dislikes are! This may mean trying some new things, or getting more into things that you've already started doing. What do you like? Let's start a dialogue here and see if we can all chime in and help.
I really think you'll be okay. I think it's excellent that you've diagnosed and described your problem so well. As long as you're willing to go outside your comfort zone a little bit, one step at a time, you'll blossom like the lovely flower you are :-)
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female
reader, bookworm  +, writes (21 August 2010):
 I used to be like that when I was in grade 9. I pulled away from everyone, and I never really talked. High school is supposed to be this fun and exciting place, but it honestly isnt that much different. There are just more people. In highschool everyone is weird, so those whispers will be about everyone, even if it feels like its only you. My best advice, is on your first day, when the lunch bell rings, find someone who reminds you of yourself in the lunchroom. That girl who is sitting alone, the girl who isnt talking. Sit down beside her, and say hi, talk about classes, and the girls who are too slutty, or too stuck up. Find someone who reminds you of you, and you will always find something to talk about. You will both be happy you did. Also, remember that the girls surrounded by other people are just as alone, becuase none of them are really true friends.
I hope it works out for you, becuase a success for one of us is a win for us all. Don't worry about guys, my first boyfriend was just recently, and we just broke up. Guys come and go, and they arent usually worth the bother.
I really hope I helped at least a little. And I'm here if you would like to talk more.
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