A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have recently met this guy online whom I like quite a lot. I wouldn't say I am in love with him since we have only been on four dates but we have reasonable chemistry and get along otherwise. We have made out twice already, pants on but I don't feel an erection through his pants. He seems like he is quite into it. Does that mean he is too small for me to feel it? He is wearing cloth pants, not jeans. This is kind of freaking me out. I have always felt their erections with other guys. I need to get to know somebody well before I can have sex with them so I am afraid that he will get emotionally attached by the time we discover that we may not have much of a sexual future. I feel horribly guilty about hurting him and for being so shallow.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): Thank you all for your kind responses. This makes me feel much better! For some reason (wikipedia!) I thought that he might have less than even 2 inches and that is why I was worried. But you are right, I probably would feel even 2in if it was hard so most likely it is that he is just not aroused that much. Which is fine with me, I don't want to rush. And yes, he is much older than the guys I have previously dated - he is 36, so flaccid is more likely than small. Will update when I find out. And no, I wasn't feeling for it with my hand, just assumed I would feel it while we had our bodies next to each other.
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (21 January 2011):
 hi
i experienced this for the first time a little while back, exactly the same, just didn't feel it in his pants, and yes, unfortunately in his case it was because he was small :(
maybe your boyfriend just isn't getting all that hard though, might be nervous or might be pulling himself off before he sees you so that he is not tempted into sex until you know each other better. are you sure he is not just 'dressing to the other side'? or is it totally NO WHERE in his pants?
you say you are concerned that HE might get too attached to you before you discover 'the truth', if you are worried you might break up with him if he doesn't measure up, it might be kinder to break up with him now, while it is still early days
xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): Is he drinking on these dates? even a few drinks can keep it soft. Some guys dont get hard from stuff like that. Sometimes it's mood dependent. He may like you in more of a "non-horny" way, even though he may feel sexually attracted to you. Only very comfortable situations elicit an erection just from touching through pants with many men, young and old. Its not you, just ease off and let HIM make the move to show you or put your hand down there. Not all women get wet from kissing, it's not fair to assume all men get raging erections just from a little rub. I'm older, but I do notice it takes longer for me. Last night I was sitting at a bar with my GF and she was rubbing it and it took several minutes to get hard. SOme gross guy next to us started bellowing, and I went limp in like 5 seconds. SO it is situation and mood dependent. Dont worry.
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A
male
reader, Ldu  +, writes (21 January 2011):
As a male, I only use to get erections when kissing a girl when I was young and new to any sexual contact. As time passed and gained more experience I almost never get an erection by simply kissing. I'm 22 btw, if that helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): He either doesn't have an erection or yes, he is quite small.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): Check it for yourself. You can crat the opportunity.
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (21 January 2011):
 He's probably taking care of the "business" before you two make out. Nothing to worry about though, he probably doesn't want to scare you with his boner :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): He's prob not getting an erection if you cant feel it. He needs more stimulation and really the best way to know if I may say, "judge", is when pants are off and things are hot n heavy.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (21 January 2011):
Perhaps he didn't get an erection and that is why! It depends where you kissed, if it was in a public place, it may be down to nerves.
Anyway, so what he if has a small one... he may have a small nail, but has a big hammer to knock it in with.. don't be mislead with size!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 January 2011):
 Could it be that he's got impressive control over himself? Often guys think it's embarrassing that their erections can be felt, and so it's likely that he will hold it back if he's capable of it.
But yeah, just play this out normally and once you get to that point where you can see for yourself, take it from there. Then value if he's worth it or not. You know, really big guys near always have a problem with getting an erection because they are so big. So it could be the complete opposite here....
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 January 2011):
 Hmm...it's sorta possible that he could be small, but you can feel an erection through cloth pants of a really small penis'ed person too.
It's more likely that he doesn't have an erection at the time you're feeling for one. You say you're making out? Are you two feeling each other up yet? If so, you may, in the next makeout session, want to romanticly slip a hand down there. Make it seductive and not a prostate exam, and you'll have your answer.
It's good that you are recognizing it. Don't dismiss that feeling until you prove otherwise regarding his desire for you.
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A
male
reader, Problem.helper +, writes (21 January 2011):
 Don't make any conclusions yet. He might not be hard. The thing you can do is to ask him to send you a picture of him naked. Like photo exchange kinda thing. Or just ask through chat what's his size.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (21 January 2011):
 I think you should just cross that bridge when you come to it. It's worse to just leave because you're not sure of what he's working with, rather than knowing that what he has is not working for you. they say that size doesn't matter over what a person does with their junk, so i'd give it a little bit more time.
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