A
male
age
36-40,
*lueMan91
writes:My girlfriend and I have been talking for a year and some change now, and just in September we made it official. But its like she wants me to chase her, its like she doesn't like to call or respond to my texts unless I contact her. If i don't contact her or chase her down, she won't attempt to contact me. I have found suspicious activity in her phone(text call etc)even on her Facebook Wall and Pics...And she gets mad at me when I try to talk to her about these things. What's going on? What should I do?
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male
reader, BlueMan91 +, writes (22 January 2011):
BlueMan91 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank you all for your answer's....I will really think about most of your suggestions and update you all on the results. :) Thanks again!
A
female
reader, soft2020 +, writes (21 January 2011):
 Hi BlueMan91, I can relate to what you are saying about your girlfriend, because she reminds me of myself and myboyfriend when we were talking. Things were very twistedbetween us and we had a very hard time communicating inthe relationship. I tried many times to talk to him andtried over and over and had no luck with it. The whole9 months we were together we kept breaking up and gettingback together he would chase me for a little while andthen stop. I would hardly contact him when he was call-ing and chasing me then when he stopped I would start calling and chasing him and he wasn't returning my callsas much, like he was doing in the beginning of the relationship "a lot". It started going down hill fromhis drinking, just last Friday the 14th we had our lastargument. In the beginning I thought he wanted a realrelationship and it might would have if he didn't haveso many prolems and grandchildren, 8 to be exact alongwith tons of "issues" drinking was his biggest one.He started criticizing me a lot and calling me names like illiterate and hurted my feelings and then I would strike back by sending torpedo words at him and walkout of his house. We all want to be in and have lastingand loving relations , but when it filled with unresolvedemotional past issues it can reap havic in our presentrelationships and make them become very toxic. The problems you are experiencing in your relationship hasnothing to do with you or your relationshipwith your girlfriend. What maybe going on is that shehas some "issues" from her past that she maybe "unaware"of that has not been resolved. Like myself, she maybefacing something in her past life called "Emotinal Trauma", that she developed from childhood Example,when she was a little girl her mother and father mayhave been emotionally distant and cold! toward herlike my parents were toward me when I was growing up.Example, "Her parents may have made her beg for affectionand ignored her cold!". Like telling her something like this " "Girl stop that crying and get away from me now,before I beat you!" words can hurt and wound us in the early years of developement coming from our parents.If we can't feel close to our parents who can we feelclose to. Remember It is not your girlfriends fault you is going through the things you are going through withher it goes back much farther than you relize.If you love her have some patience with her and let her know youunderstand what she has "been through". She needs yoursupport more than anything right now. Us women as adultswe have been through years of torture especially withpoor parenting as little girls. Maybe there is someself help videos and "books" you might be interested in and may even help your relationship with your girlfriend become more healthier and full of life! "Are you the one for me","Men are from mars and women are from Venus","Act like a lady and think like a man", and "He or she just not that into you", "trust me" I been there I hope I was able to shed some light and help you today.Best Wishes, Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, ElenC +, writes (21 January 2011):
1. she could just want to feel loved. I know when I'm in a relationship, no matter how long we've been together I want to feel like the guy still wants me. You're not married you don't have her yet. And even if you were married, that does not mean she does not want you to court her still.
2. she could be playing you. Confront her. Ask her for her facebook password and that you want both of you to look through it. I'M NOT SAYING TO ACTUALLY LOOK AT IT. But do it in person and see what her reaction is. It'll say a lot. If she is true she should have nothing to hide. If not, then she'll either make a lame excuse about invasion of privacy and try to turn it around.
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A
male
reader, Advice_man +, writes (21 January 2011):
 It doesn't sound to me that she is playing cat & mouse chasing. Those are signs of a bad, selfish character and it should not be tolerated. This girl has no respect for you and she is over-valuing herself. I think you should let her go...find someone you deserve. Best wishes
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (21 January 2011):
I agree with CaringGuy. This girl sounds immature and/or may be a player. I'd cut her loose and move on.
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A
female
reader, cry +, writes (21 January 2011):
 DONT JUST GIVE UP. u love her, than chase her, and make it fun . we women need a lift off are feet go beyond chassing . to you is she worth chassing.? than your not wasting time!
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (21 January 2011):
I agree with CaringGuy. She seems to want space and in the process she is only hurting you without a care, not even wanting to address it. I'd back yourself away from her. Tell her that you aren't getting the attention you deserve from this relationship and until she wants to suck it up and talk about it, at the very least, you're not going to involve yourself with her.
If she truly cares for your companionship, she'll realize what she has been doing. If not, no loss on your part; she was never worth it. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): Hey
I suggest you confront her. That way things will be clear. And if she denies your fears or the suspicious activities, don't be mad.
For all you know there is a 10% possibility you're over thinking this i.e. you're wrong. But then, its only 10%.
And anyway just in case you happen to be wrong, it'll give her the one example to pull you down throughout the relationship.
If you really think she's worth all this effort then you may want to make this extra effort. Otherwise, you're maybe in for nothing here.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 January 2011):
You're wasting your time, is what's happening. I'm all for a bit of chasing in a relationship, but it needs to be mutual. Your girlfriend is acting like a bit of a diva to be honest. Also, you've found suspicious activity, which might go on to explain her secretive behaviour. And her getting mad about it is even more proof that you're wasting your time.
There are three good reasons here to end it and find someone better. I would stop wasting time talking to her and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): maybe she doesn't feel secure in the relationship?
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