A
male
age
30-35,
*afa
writes:Today my girlfriend and our 3 month old baby girl died in a car accident. Everyone is feeling so sorry for me.I'm sad but I don't want people feeling bad for me. My mom is saying that i'm in Denial.I don't really think I am.Anyway, so i'm wondering if anyone has gone through something like this and how they made it through. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, auntieloulou  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 no one can advise you on what to do as there is no right or wrong answer. you need to take each day as it comes and see how it goes. it probably has not sunk in yet and you may well be in denial, but give it time. talking helps massively, so make sure you open up to people. if you cant do this, see a counsellor. stay strong, surround yourself with the people you love and look after yourself.
A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (10 January 2011):
 When i was 17 my father drowned in a scuba diving accident. When i was told i didn't really feel anything, my mother and brother were in tears, but i just couldn't feel anything. For me life went on as normal, i saw my friends, went to college, but didn't feel the urge to cry. It was shock, i think this is where you are right now, in a state of shock.
It took me 3 days before it finally hit me and i cried like a baby for hours. So don't feel bad for not feeling anything, the grief will come and you have to embrace it to get through this terrible loss. Such an awful thing to happen, and i think i speak for everyone who has read your story, that all our thoughts are with you and your family right now.
We are always here if you want to talk x
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A
female
reader, BlueBag +, writes (10 January 2011):
 I'm so sorry to hear about your huge loss, what a terrible thing to happen.
I think perhaps the situation hasn't quite sunk in yet as it has only happened today. Our bodies have a number of hidden defence mechanisms to protect us from psychological pain or anxiety, and chances are that the shock of the situation has left you feeling slightly "numb".
Over the next few days, weeks or even months you may find that the situation will start to sink in and you will start to feel the pain and upset. This is when its most important to have people around you to help you through this time.
However, if after some time you think that you are still not dealing with this the way you feel you should be, then my advice is to contact a specialist. If your body is not allowing you to go through the natural grieving process, it can lead to other problems.
Please take care of yourself while you are healing and keep a good support team around you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): I am sure your girlfriend and your baby are now at a very peaceful and loving place starting a new and wonderful journey.
I have not went through exact similar situation but I have lost love. It was a breakup but there was no cheating, more of destiny and some misunderstanding(that is another story). I cannot be in contact with her and neither can she. But we both loved each other. I have no idea how is she and how is she doing. I pray and hope she is happy.
I was normal initially after the breakup. I went to work next day as if nothing has happened. In fact, I was feeling lighter, don't know why. I was thinking whatever happened was for good and I should move ahead. But, after few weeks, I started to feel hollow and hollow deep inside of me as if my heart is missing. I was feeling very heavy as if my soul is gone. I was missing her tremendously and highly depressed. Then one night while lying on my bed, I just cried and cried. Then slowly it dawned to me what I have missed in my life. I asked god why did this happen to me and felt that I was punished for no reason. I could not understand why this happened and I was desperate for an answer. I stopped talking to anyone, feeling injustice has been done to me with no fault of mine. I was all by myself locked in a room, hardly eating anything or drinking or talking to anyone. It was affecting my career as well. Then I started taking marijuana to relieve the tension. Every time I took it, I felt happy and things looked so normal. I could see the brighter side of life and courage to move on. But its effect used to wear out once I was out of it. So I used to be back to square one. Or sometimes, worse. So I decided to write down all my feelings and plan for future in a notebook while I was high. So that I can read it the next day and work on them. In the end, I used to write "Stop marijuana". Slowly slowly, I could stop it and started working on my plan. First, I started to eat healthy food as I have read "You are what you eat" and its so true. I started to exercise, running on treadmill, lifting weights and it helped to improve my mood. I started to talk to my family and friends about my feelings. I started socializing, going out with friends, playing tennis, watching movies, etc. etc. I also started praying and my prayer starts with gratitude for all I have received in my life and blessing and love for everyone who came into my life. I learned a yoga and breathing exercise to help me grow spiritually. At job, I started working on a completely new and exciting project. Life has started to get back normal after 6 months or so. I started dating few girls but somehow could not connect to them as I feel there is a part of me which stills belong to someone else. Maybe it will still take some more time to heal and come back to complete normalcy.
But I still don't understand why this happened to me. Well, this is my story and how I made through. I guess everyone is different on how they deal with loss. Some faster, some take time like me.
Hope you heal faster and come out stronger. All the best!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): I'm so sorry for your loss. It could be that you are still in shock, that's why you feel a bit numb. It's very normal. don't worry about how you "should" be feeling now, just let your feelings be, and don't keep them bottled up inside please talk to family and friends.
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