A
male
age
30-35,
*ijack
writes:basically I'm in love with a good friend's sister..usually I'm good emotionally and see things cleary but I'm just so confused right now and dunno what to do. Basically I work with this guy and we are pretty good mates.. Both in work and outside work. A few months ago his younger sister started working with us.. Over the last few months I've kinda gotten to know her more and more.. Outside work as a group we'd go out often and a lot of the time I'd spend talking to her we just get on so well.. Problem is she really likes this other guy in work who has to this point rejected her advances.. At times she comes to me to talk which I enjoy as usually I'm the person who gives advice..Tho for a while I've not been able to stop thinking about her and look forward to out next shift together in work just to see her..really I know deep down as much as her brother jokes about killing me if I touch his sister he has openly admitted that he would be ok if anything was to happen. At the moment we are good friends and the other night she kinda made a move on the other guy..and it really hit me hard I got quite upset which surprised me alot.. tho In the past when we'd be out she has on many occasions said she loved me..but I dunno if that's just her being drunk or not but her brother has said this to me aswell that when he admitted to me that he'd be ok with me and her..but it's just she is kinda hung up on this other guy that honestly I don't see going to work but in a way I'm scared it will or even might be a little bit in which case I know going to be really upset ..so I dunno what to do..should I tell her how I feel or not? I kinda want to but at the same time am terrified that she won't feel the same.and if I should tell her what would be a good way of doing so?
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male
reader, Hijack +, writes (10 January 2011):
Hijack is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou pretty much read my mind in relation to what I'm thinking everything you said is exactly what I think of the situation..I know I can't realistically act on how I feel but I kinda feel that for too long ive sacrificed my happiness for what's best for everyone else and the situation as a whole. About the work thing thats no problem im leaving soon for a new job it's not something that ill be doing permanenly ..Also just saying I forgot to mention it's not only when she drunk she says things like that..Also at times she gets a hard time about being with her brothers friends off him although in the past she has been with his other friend like years ago without any real problems. I can't help but think that it might be stopping her from acting on any feelings she may have. I may be wrong but I like the whole test the water thing and might do that because I know if I find out that she does when it's too late I'll regret not trying. Thanks to be honest you reassured my way of thinking. I was kinda freaking out when I wrote that but I've calmed down and thought more and kinda see it clearer now..I still feel the same but am slot more realistic of the chances of it happening.Thanks again
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): My advice is to not shit on your own doorstep. Firstly you work with this girl and you work with her brother. That's the first no no. If things go wrong, work becomes a living hell.
Secondly no matter what the guy says this is his sister. He might say he's fine with it but it adds a huge amount of pressure to any kind of relationship you might have. It will mess up your friendship because his loyalty will always be to his sister and even the slightest slip up by you could mess everything up.
Thirdly she is really hung up on this other guy, now even if she does like you, do you really want to be her booby prize? Her second best, all the while knowing that she will still be working with this guy and pining for him? What happens if you start dating her and he suddenly misses the attention and decides he wants to move in on her?
Well you'd be screwed, not only would you resent her but the brother would be caught in the middle. Plus you'd have to work with the three of them still.
You should consider all of the above, plus is your friendship with this guy worth risking for a girl who may not really like you that much at all?
My rule is never to date someones sister if they're my friend. Friendships can last a lifetime and are far more valuable than dating. I also never date people I work with, never. There is no escape from that person should things go wrong, it makes it insanely difficult to get over them, plus being friends with her brother means that gets even messier for social outings.
Personally I wouldn't go near her, too many variables and too many things that could go wrong and you're not her first choice either.
It seems to me like you're at your wits end though, so if you do want to find out then have a hypothetical, joky conversation with her while sober in work. Throw the idea of you two getting together up in the air and see how she responds. Don't confess your love just test the waters and don't do it while drunk. She might say one thing then wake up the next day completely regretful about it and things would be very awkward. Just test the waters and see what your chances are, while sober (seriously, sober I can't stress that enough). Make it lighthearted and easily retractable that way if she says she doesn't see you that way or that she likes this other guy too much then you can brush it off.
Don't make a big deal out of it, just have a playful "what if" conversation. See what happens. You should get a good gauge from that about your chances and if not then you might have try a more direct approach. But seriously keep it sober. If she doesn't like you enough when sober then getting with her drunk would be a huge awkward mess.
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