A
female
age
30-35,
*emiade
writes:Am 20 and in a relationship with a 29 year old guy that has 80% of the qualities i w ant in a man. We've been together for a year in which he struggled not to have sex with me because am virgin, and a christain with deep knowledge on pre-marital sex. My major problem is that he always want me to beg for things i need from him despite knowing i need them. Am not proud but i dont like begging people for whatever i need. The last time my phone got spoilt he told me to come to his house to pass the night so he could buy me a phone! I ignored the invitation and bought the phone myself. This as been his attitude but it is getting chronic. His he doing this because he doesnt share my views on pre-marital sex? What should i do am getting pissed off. I dont want to hurt him because he his the first guy who stayed with me despite not sharing my views on pre-marital sex. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (23 January 2012):
 I'm a bit confused, is he expecting you to beg for these things, then you give him something (sexually) in return?? As a sort of "tit for tat" deal. Or have I got it all wrong?
That's actually borderline prostitution. He's not just going to give you the cell phone, it comes with a hefty price. This man isn't respecting your chosen celibacy or virginity, he's trying to buy it.
I don't understand why can't you purchase your own cell phone, or buy one of those prepaid phones (depending upon your provider) and put your SIM card in there.
Anyways, he's NOT going to change. I mean you can try talking to him about it. BUT it boils down to he wants sex and you're not willing to engage in that. So in this case, a break up is in order because you two obviously want different things in a relationship. You're not a match. Sorry.
A
female
reader, Temiade +, writes (22 January 2012):
Temiade is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks to you all. But the answers am getting is making me feel like am painting my boyfriend black. His loving and all but just doesnt care much about biblical standard. This sex/kiss in return for something got chronic 3 month now. Can he change if i talk to him about it or should i just quit?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2012): There are quite a few men who would go without sex if their wife had held out and stayed a virgin for them. Look around before you decide there aren't any men like this. Quite a few men are virgins too.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2012): 1) He clearly doesn't share the same views as you which is bound to cause problems. I mean in a way he even wanted you to prostitute yourself out in order to get a mobile phone! His views on sex are clearly the opposite to yours. He really doesn't sound all that respectful towards your views either which are a part of you. If you made your no sex before marriage views clear before getting into a relationship then he should respect them and not keep pressuring you. He had the option to leave.2)He's been of great assistance? That's the reason you're with him? Not because you love or care deeply for him or anything? Sorry but if your reason for staying with him is purely because he's useful then leave him. I think it'll be fairer on both of you. You shouldn't stay with someone just out of fear of appearing an ingrate - which isn't the case, it's just you two have different views and it's causing problems. Surely a relationship and future marriage should also based on love and trust?I think personally you two aren't a good match. So leaving might be the best option for both of you. Try and find someone who you're crazy about and who shares your views. Not just the first person who stays with you. Might not be easy but surely better than the alternative of being trapped in an unhappy marriage for the rest of your life.
...............................
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (22 January 2012):
 You need to drop this guy and find someone who either shares the same views on sex as you do, or who will respect you enough not to blackmail/manipulate you into doing stuff in exchange for materialistic things.
...............................
A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (21 January 2012):
You can repay him for his help some other way than being his girlfriend. Companionship is not an exchange for something else, neither is sex.
You can't worry about what another thinks of you if the situation is wrong.
...............................
A
female
reader, Temiade +, writes (21 January 2012):
Temiade is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has been of great assistance to my life and carreer. If i break up with him using this sex issue as an excuse. Won't i be viewed as an ingrate?
...............................
A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (21 January 2012):
You may have a long long search to find a man that does not want to have sex before marriage in this day and age.
What he is doing by saying "sleep with me and I will buy you a phone" however is enough to end it and not look back. I am dead serious. That is prostitution he is courting, plain and simple.
I want to comment that I hear "I just don't want to hurt him/her" so often in posts on this site.
In love and sex, you often HAVE to hurt someone, and in this case of yours, it would be justified.
Think of how many sick, manipulative people out there who have decent, kind and caring lovers that stay with them because they are afraid to hurt them.
He is hurting you. Are you really OK with that?
...............................
|
