A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi, so my boyfriend broke up with me and we were not together for a month (second time spitting up). I thought this was it for good this time. I slept with someone else during this time as did he ... both telling each other. Yet i did also kiss someone else but have not disclosed this information as I got caught up with us discussing sleeping with another person and didn’t know how to say I also kissed someone. Do I tell him that I did? This person is friends of friends so chances of seeing him again at birthdays or events are high. I’m scared I didn’t say straight away that I did and it’s too late now to be honest. What should I do?
View related questions:
broke up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2020): Breakup with him for good. Stop pretending you want him back. When you're both back into your break-up/make up cycle; you end-up messing around with another guy.
In theory, if you breakup with somebody; what happens during the post-breakup period is none of the ex's business. Unless you like to fool-around with his friends to be spiteful; then the word will surely get back to him. If you're making-out with random-dudes, while out with mutual-friends; subconsciously, you don't really want him back. You still want word to get back to him to hurt him.
You're worried that he's doing the same-thing! Meanwhile, you're rebounding; so you won't feel so bad to know he's been with other females. You know your on/off ex-boyfriend doesn't sit-around innocently alone and pining after you. You need to throw yourself at somebody to feel you've gotten even; just in-case it might turnout he has been with somebody you know. This can be a subconscious-way of seeking vengeance; or you and your boyfriend like making each-other jealous. It's promiscuous, irresponsible, and messing your head up.
You are also increasing the risk of exchanging STD's; being with a series of partners. Hopefully both of you use condoms.
You don't have to disclose anything about what you did when you were apart; because the reconciliation isn't going to work anyway. On/off cycles in relationships are a sure sign of immaturity and incompatibility.
People who are jealous can't let-go; because they can't abide with the knowledge their ex is with somebody else, even when they're sleeping-around themselves. It will get back to him, because you self-sabotaged it. You really want to stop the cycle; so you've set-off a time-bomb in it. The timer is ticking; until the truth gets back to him. Then you will both breakup again. If he happened to have slept with somebody anyway; you have something to throwback in his face. There's no love in a relationship like this. It's all centered around jealousy and possessiveness...and promiscuity. You're pretty young. Hopefully, you'll mature and outgrow this nonsense.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (3 August 2020):
 A relationship of less than a month has already seen two break-ups and you are putting so much thought into it? Why? Neither of you sounds like you are willing to invest any real effort in this relationship. You both rushed off and slept with other people as soon as you broke up. Whether you kissed someone else is neither here nor there in the grander scheme of things. Do you just enjoy the making up or something? If so, it doesn't bode well for ANY real relationship.
...............................
A
male
reader, God'son  +, writes (3 August 2020):
 Relationships tends to have a better chance at working out when they is absolute trust and honesty. It is best to tell him. Since you're already together, give it your best try to make it work. Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 August 2020):
 You know a relationship that is on/off RARELY works out in the long run? As you really CAN NOT conduct a healthy relationship if you two keep breaking up when it get's tough.
I mean you two couldn't even keep it in your pants for a MONTH! Having sex with someone else will NEVER help fix a damaged relationship.
Also whatever BROKE you two up, is that issue solved? Is there a resolution? Or are you two just pretending to start over? Because that isn't realistic.
Lastly, Do you two have to have a laundry list of EVERYTHING you did while a part OR are you starting over?
Should you tell him? I think so if you feel it is SUCH a big deal.
Most so, I think you should really rethink this relationship. It doesn't sound healthy.
...............................
A
female
reader, mrswaldhauser +, writes (3 August 2020):
 Hi there,It's not too late to be honest and to be completely frank with you, what you did when you were apart is absolutely none of his business. It's very good of you to have both told each other about sexual partners you had whilst apart but I would in all honesty not have bothered as you were not in an exclusive relationship with him at the time.If you are worried that this friend you kissed may bring it up at some point and it offends your partner, even though I don't believe he has any right to be offended by a kiss when you weren't together, then tell him now. Tell him you didn't mention it at the time because it was not a big deal but you are worried it may be brought up in social events and you don't want him to be clueless about it.Best of luck for the future and don't be too hard on yourself as you've done nothing wrong here in my opinion.
...............................
|
