A
female
age
36-40,
*lexia846
writes:Okay I started dating this guys five years ago, in the beggining he didnt want a relationship but after we became intimate,and i threatened to walk away if i dint get a title, he said lets be official. In the beggining my weight bothered him. I was 140 pounds and 5'2 i usually carry my weight in my stomach so it doesnt show a lot. Anyways I dropped to 124 punds and he liked that i was fit. but this has been an ongoing problem for me since my weight fluctuates. Sometimes i have bloating problems and he says my belly disgusts him. As the relationship progressed he didnt want me to hang out with certain ppl. He said some of my friends were sluts so he didnt want me around some of them, so that became a constant problem too. He became controlling, but wen we were together we would have a great time.Hes told me he loved me, said i was the best, said i was awesome, and wife material. I have done everything i could to please this man, the fights got better but the last year he got his old friends who are single, and go out all the time, and he slowly started having less and less time for me. He always said i love you and that i am the best, and now says he wants to be alone. I dont get it? five years later he plays these mind games, first saying he doesnt want a gf, then saying it has nothing to do with you, then saying i bring him stress in life, then saying oh your the best i tell everyone your asweome i just wanna be alone. Staying alone makes me happy. He has given me twenty different answers, and i decided to stop talking to himJust recently he contacted me saying oh i'm happy now that i dont have a gf but you were a great part of my life i till wanna be friends and see you and maybe do movies and cofee. "I wanna see how your doing" I dont get it? if he hates me and i was never good enough for him then why so desperate to be friend with me? i saw him last month before i decided to stop talking to him and he kissed me saying he missed me? i dont get it i have done everything for this man given my love for this man lost weight, dropped my friends and now he says oh its over for now i dont want this anymore, but there may be a "future for us" he doesnt know.. he has said. I'm soo confused, i told him not to text me anymore and he hasnt since last week but please someone help me
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female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (4 June 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you Cindy.. it is getting easier i will not contact him and leave this to god.. i pray that he heals me..
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 June 2010):
 Good,Alexia. You have done the first and most difficult step,which you stopped initiating contact. Now you have to do the second,which is ognoring him if he gets in touch- that will be easier than the first, you'll see.
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female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (3 June 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionits easier said than done... it was five years and he has been the one contacting me.. so in a way u are right but it is harder done than said,..i have stopped all communication though
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female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (3 June 2010):
 Omg!! You don't get it!!!! You don't need to tell him!!! That means you are contacting him!!!! I'm starting to feel like you are so attached to him you can't let go. I'm done posting because you are being so stubborn!! LET Go!!!! He doesn't love you or want you.. You need to learn to love yourself and have some dignity and pride and walk away!!
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female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (1 June 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni will thank you guys so much i will tell him that i cant talk to him because i need to move on with my life, and i will tell him i will drop all contact this is the next time he texts me or email me because he is the one contacting me.. i will tell him "hey i dont think talking to you helps me so for right now i want to drop all contact." i say for right now cause i wanna make it sound nice but i never gonna contact him
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (31 May 2010):
Stop talking to him already. That's what you have to do.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (31 May 2010):
Alexia,Alexia...you know what to do, just maybe you don't want to do it :)
You said you don't want to be just friends with him, so what would it be the point of having coffee with him once a month, which btw it's not even a friendship, more like an acquaintance.
That's his excuse to turn you sooner or later in another of his FWB, - perfect for him. He boosts his ego by still having you under his spell,- and you are off his case because he told you he is a free man now.
Well, at least he has been clear, he told you that all he wants to do is having fun and screwing around. It is up to you to think seriously if you do fit in this kind of scenario.
No,he is not in love with you- you sound sort of surprised. Why,does it come as a surprise to you after all he has said and done ?...
Chin up, Alexia. You can do better.
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female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (31 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionguys i have an update so its been two weeks since we talked and all of a sudden i get a text from him saying i really miss talking to you.. i do not respond and then the next day he calls me ..i pick up and he said he owes me an apology and would like to meet face to face to catch up. so long story short i meet up with him and he says "it has nothing to do with you, i broke up cause i wanna have fun, be free and go out, i mean i'm 28 and i only have a couple of yrs till i get married so i wanna have fun, so it has nothing to do with you." he said that it doesnt matter what girl it is, he wants to be free, and told me he has been partying non stop..buttt he was like so do you wanna meet every month for cofee to talk cause i wanna see how ur doing cause i dont have u on facebook etc.. i said i did not want to be friends, and told him i have no answer on the contacting...what should i do? i dont understand....he clearlyy is not in love with me, but he said it didnt matter what girl it was or what i did he wants to have fun..mind you he is a grown man..
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female
reader, laetitia  +, writes (30 May 2010):
 You really need to try to focus on your self and not think about him. I know how hard that is because I am going through it myself right now. You need to be around close supportive people such as your family. Take some time off for yourself and get out of town. You need some healing time.
Don't be rude to him by sending him offensive emails. That will not help. Just don't call him and don't answer his calls for some time, until you feel strong again.
As CidyCares said, he probably had lost his feelings for you long time before.
Sometimes we really want someone to love us the way we love them, but it is impossible in reality and there is nothing we can do to change that. We just have to accept that they don't love us and try to find someone else who will.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (27 May 2010):
It probably wasn't as quick as you think.
You said that for all the last year he was going out more and more, and giving you less and less time. He did not change overnight,things sort of fizzled.
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A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (27 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni guess i have to face the music i just cant understand how one ends feelings so quickly :(
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female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (26 May 2010):
Being alone is good. It let's you spend time with yourself
and it's obvious that this is what you are running away from.
Facing yourself. It's much easier to hurt and play victim and all this
but you need to reflect.
We are all afraid to look ourselves because deep down we are afraid we might not like what we see.
You were in a relationship that was no good for you, and instead of just walking away like most people, you keep coming back for more.
I don't even know why you wrote that letter to him!
We all told you block his number which is a good thing you did, but yet you
still made contact through the letter.
What did you expect? What did you want?
For him to know and feel your pain?
Well he's not. So stop trying and wishing.
Time does heal all pain, but you have to focus your attention
elsewhere. Take a pottery class, volunteer,
and get yourself busy. By doing these things, you will meet new people
and slowly find your self worth and confidence again.
If you don't and dwell on the past, you have no one to blame but yourself.
You cannot control how he feels or what he does. You can only control yourself. We helped all we could but Now it's up to you.
There comes a time you must stand strong and say
"f^*# that"!!!! I'm going to be happy. It's your choice.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 May 2010):
 Give it TIME. Time heals everything! I promise, you will be fine, just give it time.
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A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (24 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow am i supposed to believe in love again.. i cant stop thinking of hime, while he is comftable sleeping at night...omg i am soo lonely :(
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female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (23 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo in my heart since we never ended it face to face HE DID NOT WANT TO END IT FACE TO FACE HE WAS AFRAID I GUESS. i wrote him and email saying how basically he is the lowest scum on the earth and he deserves nothing but the worst, and i finally defended myself saying i deserve way more than a sleezebag: this is what he wrote: (below) mind you after he wrote this 2 days later he calls me saying oh would you like to talk now? and i basically was rude and mean to him and defended my actions and in the end he ends the text messaging war saying "oh you'll always be speacial to me and i want you to do good in life"HIS EMAIL RESPONSE AFTER I EXPRESSED MY FEELINGS ON THE BREAKUPThis is old news to me. I dont feel bad anymore cause I gave you more then 4 years to do something, and you didnt, you changed for the worse. That is the truth. I told you i will wait two months before i ask someone out and i did. I promised you I will not date an albanian girl, and I didnt. WE WERENT MARRIED. After all the fights i felt like ive had it, and i moved on. I like Mary, that has nothing to do with anything, I also like other people. I surely dont have to tell you what i do with my life. Yes, i would have liked to stay friends, and yes we did have a chance in the future, until I saw the way you have acted so far, you have been a freaking lunatic the last couple of months, so there is no chance in hell because of that. I dont want to deal with this anymore, there are a couple of things i miss about us, but there are more things i hated about it. We are not meant to be together, end of it. I still have to drop your bag on your door, i just have been too busy
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female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (23 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i blocked him on my phone because he calls every week in the end (sunday) to say basically oh well now i'm happy that i dont have headaches from you, but ur still a speacial person? so we go back and forth with textxs its a waste of time godd. :( so i decded to block hs phone number but i still feel like he is going to come back
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female
reader, laetitia +, writes (22 May 2010):
You need to be strong and give him an ultimatum. Tell him that if calls you again, you'd file a restraining order. lol! Honestly, TELL him to leave you alone or TO CHANGE. And when he asks how he should change, you must lay the rules out and clear.1) If he doesn't want a relationship, then he must go away and never contact you again.2) If he wants a relationship, he must treat you like his girlfriend and even marry you.3) He has to bring flowers, kiss ass, take you out to dinner.4) He has to respect your privacy, your family and you.5) He has to be supportive and helpful.6) He has to PUT YOU BEFORE his friends.7) He must NEVER EVER call you FAT or make any other comments about your belly.8) He must surprise you with nice things once and a while.....and the demands list goes on!Even if it doesn't work with this guy, lay out those rules and expections with the next guy you meet. Men tend to get lazy when a girl does everything for them. I learned that the hard way. YOU NEED TO TEACH him how to treat you and threaten to LEAVE HIM every time he doesn't treat you the way you want him to treat you.
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A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (19 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you sappy girl, the truth hurts so much, i grew up hearing my parents argue and fight all the time and their marriage was a wreck, and i always dreamt to have a man that would love me, that was and is my biggest insecuritiy. i feel just because i have obsessive cumpolsive disorder, (i have anxiety a lot about germs or gettin aids,) that no one will love me. like i feel as i i may be defective.. i held on to this picture that he would be this great guys, and when he said he loved me i believed him with everything, and i did everything to get that picture perfect white picket fence family picture... i'm scared to face myself and to love myself.. i have lived to please other ppl and i am twenty three years old with a masters degree in the making and ppl say i am beautiful and have things going.. yet i still feel blinded and lost.. i agree with you sappy girl i must step away.. thank you eveyone you have been so kind in writting your feedback.. i thank you all.. this helps me a lot
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (19 May 2010):
I disagree with the online dating.
Having a rebound relationship will only make it worse.
I am going to be brutally honest, but you are part of the problem if you don't walk away. It's over.
End all contact. So what if he text. he can say whatever.
ignore it and ignore him.
You need to move on.
He still has a hold on you if you are still caring what he writes, text and say.
You have to get over this guy and this relationship.
And if you don't, then you have just as much a fault by
responding to his text.
You are not going to get the answer that you want,
and the outcome is not going to be any different.
The reason, I know all this is I've been in your shoes.
But I married the guy, had a child, and he still pulls the same shit.
Consider yourself lucky you have no ties to this guy.
Leave it a lone.
change your number if you have to.
Do what ever it takes.
The truth is you still want his "approval" ...maybe you didn't have a father figure like I did.
But listen.
You need to be strong. Learn from this relationship and move on. that's it. plain and simple. And time will heal all wounds.
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A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (19 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionITS like i get it! i really get it that this is not the way to be treated but we always fought and forgot what each other said ..maybe he does need some time to come to his sensses and realize what he is gonna lose out on since i'm not running back this time..but everyone is like ohhh he'll come back only if he sees that grass is not greener on the other side..he'll come back not because he loves you but for his own interest..god i just dont know what to do..so many confused emotions, and he still contacts e and after saying hurtful things back and forth he says "oh u'll always be speacial" yyyyyy? y ? i'm so scared what if he comes back and then i dont accept cause i dont want to look like an idiot..my mom says and my friends say, he'll continue stepping on you, and disrespecting you because you accept him back after all htat..but what if i change and make it clear to himm.. god i dont know i just cant accept completely letting goo. this is so confusing to me.. and it hurtt.s
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female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (19 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEvery time i try to do that he calls and texts like once a week maybe he wants to come back? i mean he always ends it as you'll always be special to me, and he says he is happy we're not together..it confuses me :( then y is he still contacting me.. and everyone i know says oh go get away from this guy he'll never change, he doesnt know what he wants, he'll treat you like this all the time..but secretely i keep hoping that it will work out..and that he'll change and come back to me and everytime he call and texts i get excited that its close to that change..good and i almost feel like i'm gnna let everyone down if he comes back and i accept..someone :( helppp
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female
reader, laetitia +, writes (18 May 2010):
Hi, why don't you try the online dating? Create a profile and start talking to other guys. It will definitely distract you from thinking about ur ex and who knows - maybe you will meet someone interesting! I am currently doing that and it helps a lot!
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female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (18 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am slowly trying to, he is in denial or maybe doesnt want to take the blame saying oh things ended a while ago you shoud have known.. and hes like how have i heard you blah blah and after denying it he ends the convo well ur still special to me ad i want nothing but the best for you.. he'll texting evey sunday arguing and then saying something sweet in the end.. its a fuckin joke.. i am soo mad.. and i want to express it.. i wanna yell back at how disrespectful and rude he has been, but he makes it like i am imagining these things.. he denies it.. ahhhhh
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 May 2010):
Well let him go. He'll only destroy you. Forget about him.
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female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (17 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust recently he tried to contact me again saying oh how have i desrespected you and how have i hurt you, he doesnt want to keep the blame, and i told him yu have hurt me way too muh and i never want someone like you. to make the long story short he ended the converation by saying i will always be special to him.. i dont get it? its like he contacts me every sunday to fite then in the end say "oh ur always gonna be special"
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female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (16 May 2010):
It seems to me that it's you that's waiting for him to give closure but the truth is you are never going to get it from him because he he wants to keep you around for his own selfishnish.What you need to do is create your own closure.Change your number or block his. You need to completely cut him from your life like a cancer.The problem is you know you should, but something inside of you still wants to know that he needs you and wants you.You don't want to accept that everything you've done has been a complete waste.Well it hasnts because you have learn a huge lesson from it.You need to learn to love yourself and put yourself first.He treats you like this because you allow it.By cutting contact he will not ever have a control over your life. This has nothing to do with him will but everything to do with you.Anther guy will come into your life and do the same Thing if you don't notice the patterns and stop it.You have to ask yourself questions like"why am I attracting or attracted to these type if guys""why do I even care if he thinks of me or want me"you have to believe and want to be treated right.So many girls have been in your shoes. Have the courage to know that you are special,beautiful, and wonderful.Don't ever allow a man treat you that way again.
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female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (15 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much guys for all your responses. i am trying to go to theraphy because this man has completetely sucked my confidence out of me. I have beecome so drained and depressed that i feel like my world is ending. but i am trying to hang in there i just am so confused, how can he treat me like dirt..it hurts soo bad when he said he loved me....he never wanted to say goobdye or end it face to face so he decides oh i wanna be happy iso its basically you.
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female
reader, laetitia +, writes (14 May 2010):
When a girl does everything for a guy, the guy unfortunately doesn't have any obligations to return it to her. That is because he is not perfect, nor is anyone else.
Next time don't do "everything for a guy". You have to protect yourself, girl. Always put yourself first, then the bf second. This is a cold world and people do not play it fair.
I've also struggled to be the "perfect gf" only to realize that they don't give a crap about me.
I am not saying that you should be rude to them, just don't be too giving. Be a bit selfish if you can!!!
I know you're hurting right now, but seriously HE IS NOT all that great. You haven't lost anything you can't easily replace!!! Give it some time and you will meet someone else with whom you won't repeat the same mistakes.
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female
reader, laetitia +, writes (13 May 2010):
Dear Alexia846,
I am going thought something similar right now - my bf broke up with me and only wants me as friends. He wants to be able to talk to me once and a while as friends. I am trying to gain courage and stop talking to him. I feel so lonely when he is not around and I miss him awfully but I know he doesn't care about me the same way I care about him.
Your guy sounds like a jerk to me for asking "if you've lost weight". Next time he asks that say to him "a good man should accept me the WAY I am. I would appreciate it if you stop making comments about my weight. Thanks!".
Finally, seems like you're in the same boat as me - we both need to find the strenght to move on. Tell him that you are planning to stop talking to him because you need space. Then ask him not to contact you anymore. YOU then do not contact him. Try not thinking about him, but you probably will just like me. But you have to find a way if you ever want to be happy. Otherwise you can continue trying with him, but chances are that you will be miserable for a long time.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (13 May 2010):
This man does NOT love you. Why do you think he asked you if you've lost weight, AFTER YOU BROKE UP?? Its because he wants to know if you look better so he can have sex with you. Because he feels great about himself knowing that if he can't find anyone better he can always go to YOU. Sorry if I am being blunt, but this man has given you self esteem issues, called you names, called you fat, didn't respect you.. Be honest with yourself: he is NOT a good man! He is NOT the great man you wish him to be. Maybe he was nice in the beginning. So what? He's not nice now, and you've seen him for who he TRULY is. Don't fall for his acting, DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK.
Get up on your feet and take one step at a time, one day at a time. No one is saying you have to love again right away. Give yourself time to heal. But make a clean breakup, don't talk to him, don't contact him, block him like you've already done, and keep it up!
If he wants you back now, it is ONLY because he is starting to get scared that he can't have you back once he's walked all over you. He is scared he might have lost the control over you that he so loved. He will only try and get you back just to proove that he can if he wants to! Don't give him that satisfaction. Find someone who is everything you dreamed of, someone who TRULY loves you.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 May 2010):
 I think you need to stop having your world revolve around this guy. He isn't in love with you and he rather be single then date you. That should say it all.
Him contacting you is kind of proving that he can still sucker you in.
Do I think he will come back? No, not in the way you want him too. He might want to see you on occasion for stroking his ego and maybe sex, but a relationship? no.
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female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (12 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionkay so i dated someone 28 yrs for four yrs. He always wanted "space" and finally now that he finished school and got his friends and a good job he decided he wants space again. this time i did not crawl back to him , and after bitter arguments and me ignoring him he wrote this:
"Okay well i'm here for you if you wanna grab a coffee or a movie,i'm available or if you need anything. Dont hesitate to ask me, I love being free but i hate not being able to see how you r doing. I am going to the gym and walk outside more often its nice having free time to myself thats all. thats what makes e happy it has nothing to do with you, sorry i have been dragging thing its probably cause i felt bad did not mean bad"
So he wants to hang out after we bicked and fought and he called me all the words in the dictionary. According to him our relationship ended a while ago but then again he never sat down with me and talked with me..he still said i love you and stuff... i dont get it, does he still have feelings? i told him not to contact me again because i am extremely hurt and he has not ever since i turned us being friend down. its been a week and its killing me.... i know i relationship wasnt great towards the last couple of months but we never offiacially ended it, he decide upon himself, yet he still acted like we were together up until i questioned and said i wasnt gonna take him flipping out on me for no reason anymore..thats when it blew up and he said he needed space and then he said he did see us in the future together.. his storry since last month has changed 33333333 million times to blaming me, to calling me a cunt, to saying i give him anxiety,to blaming me for not loosing weight or changing my ways or becoming independent etc...
Long story short he calls me to saying lets go for a drink and still keep in touch to be friends? i dont get it how can you get over someone so quickly or better yet does he wanna see if the grass on the other side is grreeener and if it doesnt work come back? since i've always begged for him most of the times
Mind you last month he said we needed space and then he called back saying you've been on my mind i cant stop thinking lets just figure out something"
this time though he hasnt called back ever since i said no friendship leave me alone i am hurt
will he?
he is 28 i'm 24
please help me
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female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (12 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondo you think he will come back?? will he come back only if e sees that someone else is not better.. ia m soo honest with him go i put everything into thisss. my pure heart my sould. everything..
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female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (12 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondo you think he will come back?? will he come back only if e sees that someone else is not better.. ia m soo honest with him go i put everything into thisss. my pure heart my sould. everything..
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female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (12 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you sappy girl its been a week but he has not called me eve since i told him not to contact me.. but i have a feeling he will tr to come back....
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female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (12 May 2010):
The problem is you are trying to change and mold yourslef to his dream girl. You have given away all your power as a woman and he does not respect you. You think by doing more he will appreciate you, but that's not how it works.
You should thank your lucky starts he is out of your life.
You need to find your confidence, self worth again, beause after 5 years with this controlling man, he probably tried to break you down.
He does not want you. He does not love you. But his ego wants you to love him and make him feel like a God. That is what he miss, and that is why he wants you in his life.
So don't think that its because he misses YOU.
It's all for his own personal satification and selfishness.
I was with a guy like this for 13 years before he divorced me and basically ruined my life.
Don't let this happen to you.
Learn to love you just the way you are.
If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself and not for any man. Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (12 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionand no he does not look like david beckham he is average looking, but my self esteem is so low now i am falling into a major depression. GOD help me because i dont know who is going to love, i dont kno how i can fall for another man. I truly wanted this so bd from the buttom of my heart. I was so honest to this man and gave him so much unconditional love. i forgave him for screaming at me, for kicking me out of his house, for saying your a fat cow i cant have sex with..howw how can this be that someone can hurt me so much but be faithful to me for four yrs..y did he come back in the past? and not now... i'm sooo soo hurt..no confidence, and i cant sleep eat do anything.. please guys someone respond... I dont know what to do..all i do is wait for his call...
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female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (12 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is the last text from him before i said i didnt want to keep contact... i am soo hurt I cant understand how you can be with someone for four and half yrs and then just get over everything so easy
"Okay well i'm here for you if you wanna grab a coffee or a movie,i'm available or if you need anything. Dont hesitate to ask me, I love being free but i hate not being able to see how you r doing. I am going to the gym and walk outside more often its nice having free time to myself thats all. thats what makes e happy it has nothing to do with you, sorry i have been dragging thing its probably cause i felt bad did not mean bad"
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female
reader, Xtina356 +, writes (12 May 2010):
Your ex was highly critical of you and that's not good. Does he look like David Beckham because if he doesn't, I don't think he has the right to evaluate your appearance. CaringGuy is right. No matter what you do, he's going to find something to criticize you about. That's not what a relationship is all about and certainly not friend material. It's time to stand up for yourself and say NO! to his friendship. Friends don't judge their friends and put conditions on the relationship.
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female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (11 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you everyone, then y does he want to be so badly friends? is it to check up on me to see if i am changing losing weight or seeing someone, cause he did ask me oh have you lost weight just to weeks ago
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female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (11 May 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen we started dating he was nice and we've had great times together, i just dont get it. for example we both are from eastern europe and he said that he started going out with me because i wasnt like the girls from our culture(most girls are materialistic, snobby, want to get married early etc) type of girls. I was more americanized and he like that, and he said that as long as i lose my stomach fat it would be perfect. But then he started yelling and saying i should hang out with my current friend because they were sluts, so i turned and made friends with ppl from our culture which he didnt like either. and i kept promising him i would change and stop hanging out with them but he now says its too late. That i'm not indepedent, because i go to graduate school and i dont have a car and that i dont drive. I still leave with my parents i am 24 and a full time grad student. Basically he was like well its been four years and you have not changed ur weight, who u hang out with, you always wanna go out(because i complain all the time for him to take me out since he bitchess about who i hang out with).. i dont get it i tried everything, i want this to work so bad, i 've tried to lose weight, i 've tried to stop hanging out with whoever he doesnt like and now that he finished school and got a new job he drops me.. but then wants to keep contact with me? yyy
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female
reader, laetitia +, writes (11 May 2010):
I am really sorry for you. I can imagine how much pain this man has caused you. This man manipulated you and used you. He was not happy with you - he was not happy about your physical appearance and he acted as if he was embarrassed of you, but yet kept you around to satisfy his own needs because you made yourself freely available.
When his single guy friends came around, he disappeared from you to hang out with them.
Think about it - if in the future another woman starts flirting with him who maybe younger, interesting, pretty, etc, YOU WILL never see this man again. He will leave you for the first opportunity he gets. You don't need him. JUST TELL him how you feel and tell him that YOU want to move on with your life.
He probably will pull those little annoying things guys say to a girl - "ok, but you are special to me and I want to see you and talk to you once and while as friends". DO NOT fall for this trap. He doesn't deserve your time "as friends". The easiest way to do that is to say "i need time to move on with no contact." He may ask "how long?". Then say "when I am ready, I may contact you." Then never contact him...again :)))
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 May 2010):
I think honestly that he misses the control he had over you and therefor wants to be in your life again.
Don't let him. Tell him to go fly a kite. Delete/block his number/e-mail and forget about him.
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female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (11 May 2010):
 Yes, Indeed! Time to move on and forget this guy. Sounds like you are lucky it ended now! You could've spent a life time of misery.
I know from my own experience! A man that tries to control and manipulate like that...is bad news! They will never change!
You will find someone who will love you for who you are, not try to mold you into something they are not even sure they want!
Be Happy!!!
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (11 May 2010):
Stop talking to this man. He is confused, and honestly even if HE think you two have a future together, do YOU think you have a future together? Is he the best thing in your life, like he sometimes claimed you were?
This man didn't respect you, didn't respect your friends, was controlling, and playing mind games. He sounds all in all pretty immature. Who cares what he thinks about you and the relationship you had. The real question is: what do YOU think about him and the relationship you had?
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 May 2010):
The problem was that you weren't sticking up for yourself. He was a really controlling and manipulative man, and you needed to get away from him. It doesn't matter what you do for someone. If they're bad, then you are going down a dark road. You mustn't ever allow yourself to be treated this way again by a man. You were not the problem. He was. He was trying to mould you into something that he wanted, and it turned out that it wasn't what he wanted. Forget him. He's taken you away from your friends and has controlled you. Move on.
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