A
female
age
41-50,
*esternb
writes:I have a crush on this guy for three years now. Even though we never got together, the chance we did have was thrown out the window for a number of factor. (he went back to his country + was seeing other women). I decided to be just friends on facebook, but everytime he'd write something about a girl or I'd see how well he's enjoying his life, I'd get depressed because he didn't even remember my birthday (and he wrote pretty much everyone). So, last week I decided to finally delete him from my friends list, since we haven't talked in two years and it seems he pretty much forgot I exist, whereas I still think of him. Not healthy. And frankly, I thought he wouldn't notice it.Yesterday, he wished a friend of mine happy birthday (a friend he never talked with or wrote to in four years we've known each other) just to let me know he saw it and the make me feel bad. I know it's probably his hurt ego talking, but I wonder if I should write him and explain or just leave at that. I consider being his friend when I finally leave this all behind, but I'm afraid that if I do write, things will turn sour than it already did. Thoughts?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 February 2012):
 Eh, Ignore him. He sounds like a loser.
A
female
reader, westernb +, writes (18 February 2012):
westernb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for the kind words! It's really helped me!
MajorDisplayerOfInternationalPlayerBehavior you are right, people do forget about birthdays, but in this case I know it was on purpose... he was online and wished have been wishing everyone a happy bday. So the problem was me.
I excused myself from the equation and I hope I will forget about him in a week! Got to keep positive!
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (18 February 2012):
 Just let him go. I would be willing to bet that in no time at all, you will totally forget about him.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2012):
 write the letter.... long and detailed and personal... put EVERYTHING in it.
then seal it in an envelope and put it in the bottom of a drawer...
you get to say what you need to say.... he doesn't know
and years from now when you read it you will be amazed at how grown up you thought you were and how you have changed.
I found a letter the other day from 1995 that I wrote to someone and wow have I changed and grown and matured...
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 February 2012):
 It isn't closure. It's one last desperate bid to get his attention and yes, it would make you look silly.
It didn't work out with him the way you'd have liked, but there will be other chances with better suitors.
Let this one go.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 February 2012):
 No. Make your own closure, no need to add drama to a situation that 's basically very simple: things did not work out as you hoped, and now you realize it's time to move on. I also seriously doubt that's wise or even possible to " stay friends " with a person you have an unrequited crush for, real, genuine friendship can't bear this kind of emotional baggage and most often it's just a feeble excuse for keeping sniffing around the object of your desire in the vague hope that who knows - sooner or later- one day things might change..
Decide that the chapter is closed, the page is turned, no need for closure and explanations- and once you REALLY decide, you'll feel much lighter.
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A
male
reader, MajorDisplayerOfInternationalPlayerBehavior +, writes (18 February 2012):
 Don't feel bad, a lot of people inadvertently forget birthdays without realizing it. He is all the way in another country. You both have been apart for a very long time and from what you wrote, never had a real relationship.I have had a girl delete me once and explain why. I thought she was very kind and considerate for telling me, but I had never forgotten her birthday and always tell her every year, as she does me. We dated, but never got serious. She has her life and I have mine. Dozens if not hundreds of people over time just disappeared from my friends list without a word. Learning from this, I can tell you one thing for sure, if you really like a person, you have to tell them. They aren't going to read your mind every time. The ignore him trick will not work in this situation. Communicate with him and see if he responds. If he doesn't respond then seek out friendlier people.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (18 February 2012):
 Well, the friendship you had hoped for never developed - and he sounds like someone who showed you almost zero consideration anyway.
So no, there is no need to explain why you deleted him as a friend. Just forget about the whole thing.
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A
female
reader, westernb +, writes (18 February 2012):
westernb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks! How come when it comes to others we know exactly what to do and when it's ourselves we just don't know what to do.
Writting though would be like closure, or just me being really pathethic?
I'm at a point I'm doing this for me, because everything is just damaged anyways.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (18 February 2012):
Say nothing and just leave it at that. He doesn't need an explanation and if he didn't speak to you anyway, he probably won't care what your reason was.
Some things just aren't meant to be.
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