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female
,
anonymous
writes: This is an embarrassing problem, so if you have nothing worthwhile to say, buzz off. Nearly two years ago, I met a guy via long-distance, and ended up dating him after two months or so. He was my first boyfriend and I ended up getting VERY attached to him, and him to me. But then, after some months of dating, he springs a nasty surprise on me: he's actually a she. I was understandably angry, and left for a few days, but eventually thought it could be worked out anyway, and we patched things up. Although I had a tendency to snap at her about the lie for the remainder of the relationship, things were pretty much the same as they were before. After dating a total of 18 months, I broke off the relationship because of that particular lie. This was a bit over four months ago. Now, here's the problem. Over the past month and a half, I've found myself missing this person quite a lot, and she has had two people break up with her because of how much she was going on about how she missed me [I have proof of this]. And what's even worse, I've actually found myself slightly attracted to other females, although I haven't had feelings like that before the whole fiasco. If I get back together with this person again, I can easily hide it from my family and friends, but if they did find out, my family would be shocked and VERY disapproving, and as to my friends.. well, I may be in real danger from some of them. Also, since I'm unstable due to untreated panic disorder, I may end up causing more harm than good in the long run even if my doings weren't discovered. On the flip side, if I did get back with this person, I'd be much more happy and peaceful, at least for a little while. Beyond that, I don't know. Sorry about running on, but what should I do, and what the hell is wrong with me? [and don't say "therapy"; I already asked about that and I can't afford it]
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female
reader, lani +, writes (1 May 2006):
hi i can understand ur very confused u entered a relationship assuming ur partner was a man by the time u found out he was a she you where already attached trying 2 walk away when ur hearts saying other is hard i dont think u are a lesbine i think u fell 4 this person +needed love +attention at the time +now its confusing you thats why you split your still feeling the affects of the break up + its affecting your life as we all know break ups r hard 2 deal with no matter the sex my advice is to look 2 your family+friends for support u dont need 2 tell them it was a woman just a break up also make time 4 ur self get out do the things u like 2 do ie.driving clubbing dancing dont jump in2 another relationship start loving your self first i should know as im going through a break up myself .
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (1 May 2006):
 OK I can only say what I feel as I have never answered a question like yours before and so will answer you as honestly as I can.
OK this person lied to you and after your initial shock and anger at being lied to you had a sound relationship for quite a long time. I can understand why she lied as you say that since that time 2 other relationships have ended quite quickly as this person still has strong feelings for you as I guess your relationship was more of a long term thing and feelings and emotions run high after that length of time.
Is this person living as one sex but still another? I mean do they want to change completely to say the male sex or remain a female but dress as a male? Sounds like this person is really confused right now as well.
However, having said all that I can appreciate your nervousness about seeing this person again but if it is a long distance relationship and this person is prepared to get back with you who are you really hurting? I can't see that anyone is suffering in all of this. I can however see that 2 different people who were once very close are in pain and missing one another a lot, to the detriment of any new relationships.
At the end of the day perhaps you can make a full go of a relationship but if you can't I think this person needs all the friends they can get as it doesn't seem as though there is much support right now for her and I think that must be so hard. Why not offer friendship initially and see where it leads you as you are both miserable right now and just staying in touch may be something to start with at the moment. You don't have to rush into anything if it is not right but time will tell.
Did you have many panic attacks when you were with this person or not?
Why do you need to tell your family and friends right now, you could just say your away for a weekend or something and you've met someone new or just don't say anything.
It's your life and you have a right to be happy so don't sit around wishing what if, take small steps to happiness in whatever way that is, whether that is with this person or someone new, whatever sex they are. Don't stay scared for the rest of your life as we are only here once and you have to make the most of your life as no one else will.
Go with it and see where it takes you eh!!
Here anytime as are all the other aunts/uncles.
Good luck and let me know how it goes if you get a chance.
BFN
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A
female
reader, reassuring rani +, writes (30 April 2006):
dear anonymous you need to be real with yourself and ask yourself if you love her so much does it matter if it is a he or a she
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