A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, there is this girl who was a good friend of mine that I eventually started to her care for her as more than a friend. First off, after a few dates, I asked her to wait for me for few weeks, so I could find a job and treat her the I wanted to treat her. During the waiting period for the first three weeks, me and her became friends with benefits that quickly progressed into something more, but after these three weeks, I went on a three week trip to china to visit family. Unknown to me, during these three weeks, I literally had no ability to contact anyone in the United States and it was during these three weeks that she ended up getting back together with her ex of about a month and a half. Because of this, we basically stopped talking to each other for about two months. After the two months, I learned that the two of them had broken up again and she basically came back to me. So, for about the next two and a half weeks, we kept hooking up when either me or she was drunk, but I made no attempt to ask her out or go on a date or anything. It was after this time, that she told me when she was sober that she liked me and would like to go out with me. I, being an idiot, proceeded to just ask her out without asking her out on a date or anything a few days later. During these few days, she reconnected with an old high school friend and she later told me that during the time, she felt there was a certain chemistry between the two of them. After asking her out, after hooking up one more time, she told me that she didn't want to date me. It was at this time I realized that I had made no attempt to build a real connection between the two of us besides the physical, so after two days, I proceeded to ask her out on a date which she accepted. This date went very well and both of us had a great time, but the next weekend, she went to see her old high school friend again (now before any of you write her off as a bitch, the guy had invited her over for Easter and paid for all expenses of the trip, also, I had made no attempt to stop her from going because I felt that it was not my place to). After this second trip, the guy had admitted that he liked her a lot and she basically decided they would probably get together and try to have a long distance relationship after summer vacation ended. Now, she later tells me that she wants to keep me as a friend but still has a romantic interest in me. So now, what I trying to decide whether or not I should just give up and try to remain a friend or if I should still hold on to some hope of it miraculously working out somehow. Now, I know this isn't the only eligible woman in the world and looking around for someone else(before I am written off as an asshole, I am genuinely willing to get in a serious relationship with someone else). Should I hold on to a small hope that her new relationship will not work out and I can try actually dating this girl or just completely move on? (P.S. - I know I have taken a lot of shit from this girl that I probably should not be taking, but I am willing to)
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drunk, friend with benefits, her ex, long distance, move on, period Reply to this Question
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male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (16 April 2012):
 You say you are willing to take shit from her, and believe me, she knows it too. You have proven to her that you can stand by and endure the heartache of being strung along. You're giving her an ego boost and she's grateful for it. If you want to continue to lay your heart across the floor so that she can happily stomp on it on her way to the next guy, then do so. But if you have finally had enough of her swaying mind, then find some other girl who is more precise in what she wants.
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (15 April 2012):
It doesn't matter whether her relationship with this guy work or not. If you two were unable to connect by now, what's the point in keep trying? Obviously she has other guys before you in mind. You are not her first priority at all. Even if you feel you didn't do everything you could. Neither she tried to build this non-existent relationship with you.
Besides, relationships that begin as FWB usually can't become a proper relationship.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 April 2012):
 When you take her back it shows her that you are willing to take shit from her and that her bouncing back and forth between guys, and cheating is acceptable to you. You are either willing to get in a serious relationship, or you are willing to take shit. Miracles are wishful thinking and it gives you the false hope that being patient and forgiving will bring you good results. Most of the time it doesn't. It only gives the girl a vibe that you don't have much value and would take whatever scrap she leaves you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): First of all, she can't have it both ways. If she wants to be with this other guy, and give that a real go, then all you can be is friends. Chances are it won't work out, long distance relationships rarely do. But if you keep seeing each other, you'll stay in limbo and she'll end up confused about who she wants to be with.
Secondly, as for you, if you have strong feelings about this girl, don't get involved with anyone else just yet. Date and get to know other girls but only get seriously involved if you really want to. Don't hurt someone else through a rebound relationship. You're still young and have plenty of time to meet someone.
Who knows maybe in a few months they'll be broken up and she might want to give things a go with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): Go elsewhere. She sounds like an emotional mess on legs and is dragging you down with her.
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