A
female
age
51-59,
*nnie_1924
writes:I am a catholic woman and have been seeing my muslim boyfirend for over a year now,i am very happy with him,he is originally from Yemen but from the age of ten had lived in cuba, he has been in britain for nearly 4 yrs now, he is still waiting to hear about his visa.We met online last yr and have been together ever since, we just recently carried out nikah over the phone with one of his friends im not even sure if its valid this way. He has been separated from his wife for over 6 yrs but they have never divorced, he says this was due to lack of money, should i believe this? He wants to bring his wife and child to live here in britain when he gets his visa, i am concerned about this as i think its not really over with him and his wife as they are still tied to each other, should i trust him? Is he just using me till he gets his wife and child here?
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (23 April 2013):
of course hes using you! why would you be interested in a married man anyways? he is bringing them to live here as a FAMILY, not being mean but you are just a plaything to a man like this. you deserve better, and that ''marriage'' is not real in any sense of the word.
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (23 April 2013):
 better still, ditch the nikah AND this man. Loving someone doesn't always lead to a happy life - and this whole business about him not divorcing his wife because of money yet he wants to bring her and their child to England, sounds highly suspicious.
Even if a Muslim man can have four wives, remember what the man at a local mosque I spoke to yesterday over the phone said: when there is more than one wife, the husband has to provide separate residences for each. (Presumably even if its only a single room somewhere - would you really want a bedsitter (efficiency apartment for yourself in that case?)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2013): Point of correction Ciar, muslim men are limited to 4 wives, that is the correct ruling. A nikkah is valid if there was two male witness or 1 male and two female witness. Further, I dont think this guy is being totally honest about his wife, especially if he plans to bring her to Britian.
There are no guarantees with any guy, until you have been married and lived with him to learn whether a relationship can work.
If you love him, keep the nikkah but dont legally marry him until you can be sure to trust him and know that he is not using you to get the visa.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 April 2013):
 http://muslimmarriagecontract.org/registration.html
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/8493660.stm
http://civillawclinic.ahmeys.com/recognition-of-nikah.html
http://www.muslimsocietyofleeds.org.uk/legally_married.html
I don't think the nikah is legally binding and in fact, in the UK, if he is legally married to another person, he cannot enter into marriage with you.
He sounds fishy to me. I think he may be playing on your feelings for him in order to get a visa.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (22 April 2013):
I called a local mosque concerning nikah. This is what I was able to find out:
There has to be two witnesses.
There has to be a written contract drawn up
If a man has two wives he must provide separate dwellings for each of them.
So in short, he does not have my vote of confidence either.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (22 April 2013):
I called a local mosque concerning nikah. This is what I was able to find out:
There has to be two witnesses.
There has to be a written contract drawn up
If a man has two wives he must provide separate dwellings for each of them.
So in short, he does not have my vote of confidence either.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (22 April 2013):
Lots of red flags here! He is already married with a wife and child, and now wants to bring them to Britain, maybe to move in with you, for all you know.
You are Roman Catholic, he is Muslim. It's usually not a good idea to marry someone of a different religion, and culture. As Ciar points out, his background is from a country with centuries of deeply held customs and convictions. If you were to marry him you might find yourself in a lot of conflict - AND you would be expected to obey him!
No, this man is using you. Break up with him - but first consult an imam if there is one you can get in touch with - to check whether this "nikah" is valid. Hopefully, done over the phone it is not.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (22 April 2013):
I think it's pretty obvious. There's no reason why you need to break up with him on a suspicion, but I certainly wouldn't make any life changing commitments, especially with a married man who has a lot to gain (other than love) from marrying you and has clearly indicated that he wants to bring his family here.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (22 April 2013):
 I would lean toward not trusting him, even without a wife and child. There are a few things of concern to me here.
He comes from a country/culture and religion with very specific views and expectations of women which have been deeply ingrained over many, many, many generations. Views and expectations which are still reinforced by family and friends. Four years in Britain cannot compete with that.
He may want to enjoy the peace and prosperity the West can offer, but that does not mean he has embraced our ideals. And I have no reason to think he has.
He is awaiting a British VISA. It would be one thing if he'd already obtained one and had long since settled in, but then you'd have his culture to consider.
Now add to that a wife and child whom he is also trying to bring to Britain. Divorcing her will jeopardize that. And even if she does get in, he'll have to remain married to her for a period of time...the excuses won't end.
This Nikah...this is the Islamic equivalent of hand fasting? It's supposed to be a public declaration of intent to marry, meaning everyone in your circle should know about it. So I don't imagine a private declaration in front of one of his friends counts. However, I am not an expert. And don't forget that Islam permits a man to have as many wives as he can afford to support.
This man has done nothing to prove himself, beyond being 'nice' to you. He stands to gain from an association with you, while you gain nothing, and in fact stand to lose, by associating with him.
He does not have my vote of confidence.
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