A
male
age
30-35,
*jprego
writes:So I'm gay and there's this guy that I like. He is actually my house mate, and things are kind of weird. over the past 2 months, I thought that he had been hinting to me that he was gay, or at least unsure of his sexuality. I have never really seen him with a girl, and he is a very suppressive person. He has become very close to me, and it was starting to drive me a little crazy, because the more he opened up to me, the more I began to like him. Last week, I asked him if he was straight, and he told me that he didn't know. He told me that he was curious about guys, that he had no sex drive for girls, and has never tried being with a guy. He also expressed that he has feelings for me, which has added to his confusion. Naturally, this made me like him even more. He started becoming happier as he opened up to me more, and as he started talking about all the confusion and denial in his life. He expressed his feelings for me multiple times, and I also told him that I had feelings for him, but he said that he is not ready for a relationship. While I understand that these things take time, he really crushed me because as more time passed since he told me all of these things, he has gotten more into drugs/alcohol and has had a seeming repulsion of me. I told him that while I liked him, I couldn't wait for him to come out, and that I basically wasn't going to bring up his sexuality anymore or talk to him about it, because it was too painful for me, and he clearly wasn't ready. Since we are house mates, things have naturally been a lot more tense, and he makes me really depressed now, because he really crushed me. He hurt me, because he opened up to me, confessed his feelings for me, and then reverted and no longer wants to talk to me. I know there is nothing I can really do, but I was wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation, or has any advice? Please help
View related questions:
crush, depressed, drugs, sex drive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, alternaterealities +, writes (24 November 2010):
 Coming out is as we know, a very complex screwed up process. There's sexuality, emotions, dealing with the existing relationships, lots and lots of fear, uncertainty.
I think his moods and drinking are more about him than they really are about you. I think the later in life you come out the worse it is, and more confusing. In some ways he probably feels like you rejected him even though your really didn't. And you may feel crushed, but the feelings he expressed are feelings HE doesn't fully understand or know where they come from or what to do with them.
You've been there. It's really not you he's rejecting. It's not that he's rejecting anything. It's that he's having a hard time accepting himself.
So things are tense and messy at home. Buck up and treat him with kindness, talk to him like a person (not a gay hopeful person). That will help. And have some understanding. Sucks you have feelings and are hurt, but this isn't about your feelings.
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (11 November 2010):
 here is my view- he needed someone to talk to, he said he wasn't ready for a relationship(but was probably hinting at experimental sex) and you responded to that logically by tell him you couldn't wait for him to make up his mind.
he has interpreted that as rejection and remember that love can turn to hate like the flick of a light switch, both are emotions (same coin different side).
from this i can tell he has feelings for you but is drowning his sorrow and its making him bitter.
truth be told going out with someone you live with puts too much strain early on in a new relationship (which is at best a fragile thing).
you need to talk to him and resolve this- remember you were the only person he has been honest with and as a result of this disintegrating friendship/love feels alone and unhappy
.
you still have to live with him so make peace
...............................
A
male
reader, hiro06 +, writes (11 November 2010):
Let me start off by saying I not gay and im not familiar with these type of situations so I maybe not the best personal to give advice, but I will try to be helpful. I believe your roomate/friends is very sexual confused. I think he believes his current sexual situations isnt right. Im not saying being gay is wrong is just he is very sexual confused, which explains the drugs and alcohol use. He maybe using them to escape the fact the he maybe gay or at least bi. It seems that he hasnt found his sexual identity yet due that fact that we has few or none experience with women. The best thing for him to seek counseling and for you to be there for him for support. You asking him about this sexuality is making things worse. You cant make someone come out of the closet when you want them to. You are being selfish. The reason he maybe avoiding you is because 1 you pressuring him into something that he doesnt want or isnt ready for or 2 him is fighting with himself about who he really is. You cant force him to do anything he doesnt want to do your isnt comfortable doing. The best thing for you do right now is give him space and be there for him.
...............................
|
