A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have met and fallen in love with a guy, we dream of a future together, but inside my heart is breaking.I am caucasion, he is black. The problem seems to be with my father and brothers. They are all racist, so i am to scared to introduce my partner to them. Some day we are planning on getting married and having children, but how do i tell him how my family feel?Or even, how do i get my family to accept i am happy and in love with a man of another race? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, escribanus  +, writes (30 July 2010):
 The only important thing is that you love yourselves. It doesn't matter if you are a collie and him a bulldog, or if you are a bird and him a dragon.
You are still underage, so it won't be so easy to tell you parents to respect your decitions.
Anyway, you will have to learn how to handle the sittuation without getting harmed.
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (14 July 2010):
 It's a shame that your relatives are so racist.
There's nothing wrong with whites marrying/dating blacks, and you and I know that. You can't change your family, but perhaps if they got to know your family, they would realize that he's a good person and they would realize how ignorant they've been by rejecting him on the basis of race.
Your heart is breaking and I can understand why, but I think that Dr. Psycho put it really well. It is heartbreaking that your family is rejecting a man you love, but at least you're with someone who loves you back... I'm assuming he does and I hope so!
You're a grown woman, and you have to make your own decision about whom to marry. If you were 15 and living at home and your parents forbid you to date a black guy, your parents would be wrong but you would still be responsible to your parents. You're 22-25 years old and an adult. Whom to marry is your decision to make. And marrying a black guy is no big deal... this is freakin' 2010, for goodness's sakes. Your family's reaction is really shocking to me.
You mentioned your father and brothers; what about your mom? Is she supportive?
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (14 July 2010):
Hi,
I had something similar 20+ yrs ago. In those days it was very unusual for an middleclass "english " girl to date an asian guy.I will call her Linda. She didnt have any brothers though.
When she took me home after our 1st date, I initally met her mother. She was livid when Linda introduced me to her. I remember her mother saying "wait till yr father gets home" When her father came home, I was introduced and he seemed ok...but I think that he was just being polite. This all happend just before Xmas. they didnt know that I was @ Uni and judged me on intial apprearances.
I didnt phone Linda after that as I didnt want any trouble. We metup again on Xmas eve and had a good time. She told me about her familes reaction but insited that she didnt care about that and wanted to date me.
We dated for approx 6 weeks and then she ended it due to pressure from them. I was upset but accept it. She later contacted me and we got back together and dated for approx another 3 yrs. Her parents got to know me and liked me very much!!
After we finally split..she told me that her parents were surprised @ the split.."they thought we were gonna get married!"
Even now , if I see her parents, the come over to me and say "Hi..what are you doing...and tell me about Linda!!"
I guess what I am saying is "bite the bullet" and see what happens..but dont hide yr relationship from them
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (14 July 2010):
 I have had some issues in the past with my family along these lines. My husband is from Eastern Europe and my parents hated him well before they met him and didn't come to our wedding. They held so many preconceptions about people from that part of the world being after money, visa's and treating women badly. Some of the stuff they said was truly revolting. Their preconceptions were challenged once they eventually met him and we went on to start a family. Discrimination is often the result of little knowledge of, and direct contact with the target of those views. In all probability, your boyfriend is in for a rough ride from your male relatives at the start. However, if the relationship lasts (and you are both strong enough to look past the prejudices of others), then they may well come to accept it. You cannot change how your family are, but if the relationship with your boyfriend makes you happy and you see a future then hold onto it despite what everyone else thinks. There are many lonely single people who would do anything for a slice of your happiness.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): Girl I know what you feeling I been thru this and it dosent feel good at all. What you have to do is like talk to ur mom, sister, or a close friend and tell them how you feel. Then think about a day you wanna take ur man to ur house be positive and strong. You goatta let your family know how you feel about ur man and say if u dnt accept him its like if there not accepting you. And if they wanna act all dumb move in with ur man and trust me sooner or later ur family is goanna beg u and aceept him because they love u. Show them how much of a good guy ur man is they will like him and get to know him.
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