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male
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anonymous
writes: very sorry, but it's a long one.I am 23 and very happily living with my girlfriend of 2 and a half years. we weren't together over easter, i was at my parents and she was at hers, on the sunday i went out with a couple of mates, got drunk (although not an excuse), was being chatted up by a girl and let my ego win, ended up kissing, which then became sex.i have never felt so bad in all my life, i lost my virginity to my current girlfriend and our relationship has never been better, i'm also an honest person, and really hate lying to her, it's really cutting me up inside and i want to be honest with her, tell her it was a mistake and promise to never do it again, which is a promise i will never break, now that i know how bad it feels to break the trust and the bond i have with someone i love!i know if i tell her it will destroy her, but i hope our relationship is strong enough to get through, at the same time, currently i am the only person hurting and i deserve to, if i keep it to myself, is that not better for both of us? i have learnt from my mistakes and will never go there again, the guilt hurts so much.what makes it worse is i know how i felt when i saw her kissing another guy a year ago (her one and only mistake that she cant remember doing, and i have forgiven her for), and what i have now done back to her is infinitely worse!i'm posting this a kind of therapy, i needed to get it off my chest, i no it's a long post and i appreciate anyone who has read this far down.if anyone has any advice or experiences of either side, going either way i'd greatly appreciate themi'm completely undecided as to what to do, but know if i'm going to tell her i need to do it very soonmany many thanks for anyone who replys
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2006): hi, it's me, i posted the question,i just wanted to thank everyone for theire time and comments and thought i should up date you.only a few hours after i posted this i decided to tell her, i couldn't continue lying to her, and it was the right thing to do, i only wish i had done it sooner.we are now working through it together, she said she still loves me and wants to stay with me, she is obviously very upset, but she knows me better than anyone and knows how out of character it is for me, and how much i deeply regret what i did and love her. i hope the progress continues and we stay happy for many many more years to comeagain, thanks to everyone for their thoughts.and if anyone is reading this looking for advice, i would highly recommend being truthful, it is the much better option, and do it sooner rather than later.thanks
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2006): God, I know what you mean. Ive cheated on my boyfriend (this is the seond time round in the relationship, and i cheated then, too). I wanted this time to prove that I was a better person, but im not. Ive told him everything and he forgives, but I still cant forgive myself. I could never have gone on without telling him, and I think you are the same with your girlfriend. It is her choice to make whether she continues to be with you, but only after knowing the facts. And really, how happy can you ever be with that secret? If you tell her and she leaves (I hope that doesnt happen) at least you can say you were honest in the end. And if she forgives you, then you can continue in a happy committed and truthful relationship. Good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2006): last year the same thing happened to me i cheated on my boyf he saw but i remember... 6 months on i found out he had been seeing my best friend behind my back.. the thing was he told me about it no-one else did.. it helped that he had been honest. if a relationship is strong enough it will pull through anything. breaking trust in a relationship is horrible but honesty is always the best policy.she has a right to know. things will be hard for a while. she will be hurt and probably need space. if she says she needs a little time then listen to her a give it to her. it will give her a chance to accept what has happened. that way she won't go back into the relationship with doubts and ye can start a new.hope i have helped i am only speaking from experience as i was in her position (in a manner of speaking).good luck
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female
reader, PrunellaGringepith +, writes (21 April 2006):
 Sometimes it is best to keep things to yourself. We all make mistakes and sometimes it is best to put things down to experience and just move on. If you tell her you will hurt her. It may make your relationship stronger in the end, but only after much pain and heartache, and while things may be stronger, or even better, they will never be exactly the same.
Only you can decide whether to tell or not, but if you make the decision not to tell, you need to know that you can never, never ever tell her. You cannot bring it up months or years down the line. You will go to your grave with it, and if it eats you up inside, then it does, and you are stuck with it.
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female
reader, Anja +, writes (20 April 2006):
 You need to ask yourself as to why you cheated on her, even though you say you had a couple of drinks. Obviously somewhere deep in your subconcious she may not be pushing all the right buttons. I don't mean just sexually but emotionally too. Some questions for you to consider....Do you get enough attention and affection from your girlfriend? Why did your ego win with this one night stand? Was it low and it needed a boost?...why was your ego low? Are you a confident person and are happy with yourself? Did you really ever get over your G/F kissing that guy a year ago? (Answer honestly..then I'm sure you know where I'm heading with this!!) x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2006): hey,Wel first of all i know wot your going through, i have been in your situation before and also regret it right down the bone, you have two options, you can either take the easy way out and hold it in which will eventually hurt so bad.....tht one does not work so well, this was my first option, or you can tell her, you hsve to emphasise the point that 1)it was a BIG mistake and 2) you will never do it again, if she gets upset dont try just get flowers or something to buy her back, this has been a serious break of trust and she would see it as you thought nothing of the time you have spent with her, so you need to convince her that it will never ever happen again and that you did cherish the time you have spent togetherim sory if its not very helpful, but it did work for megood luck
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female
reader, Softie +, writes (20 April 2006):
 Hi,I think this is a question you need to ask yourself. Would you be okay with never telling her? Lets say one day you two decide to get married. Would you feel as you deserve her love and loyalty for the rest of your life while never told her about this? I understand this is not a simple question and I cannot give you a simple answer to this.Also, stand in her shoes and think about this again. Would you rather know or be kept in the dark?Good luck to you and may you both find happiness.
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female
reader, Lynnsie +, writes (20 April 2006):
I think you should tell her in a proper way/time/place, showing her your sincere regrets, telling her how important she is in your life, and let her make a decision. Definitely it will hurt her badly, but if she really loves you, she will accept it and your relationship is going to be stronger if you really work hard on this. I cheated on my bf once, because I thought he was not serious about our relationship, due to his colorful sexual past with his many ex and he always likes to hang out bars with his single mates, I could not trust him, so I assumed our relationship was open and causal. So I started to see someone else to relieve the pains/frustrations he caused. Then one day he found out, I was so stupid, wasting too much time on thinking whether I should leave him or tell him, he got hurt a lot. Then the next few days, we almost spent every day together, he really gave me a hard time, I accepted that and continuted to show my true love to him, now we are together and he never mentioned that again. I can not say our relationship is that great but much better than before.
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female
reader, Treysbabygirl_44 +, writes (20 April 2006):
 Well i just wanted you to tell you that it would be better to tell her as soon as possible and maybe if you tell her soon enough it will make things a little bit better but im not saying it will. trust me i know how you feel my bf did the same thing to me and we truly love each other and still together this very day happier than ever. So if you truly love her and she truly loves you and yall want each other in your lives she will forgive you just like you have forgiven her and if she forgives you all of this might make yall even closer just like it did for me and my bf. good luck i hope everything works out for you
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