A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have guilt that is eating me alive every day, multiple times a day. 5 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend of 2 years, the man I am sure I want to marry one day. I don't know what got into me but at the time I felt like a different person, I felt like I wanted to be single again. I am 20 years old and often have people telling me I need to be single at my age. I wasn't ready to break up with my boyfriend yet but I decided to have a one night stand anyway. After that happened it made me realise how much I truly do love my boyfriend. Everytime that I look at him now or think about him I keep remembering what I did. I am too afraid to tell him because I know he will leave me. I cannot stand this guilt but I do not want to lose him. I feel like a terrible person and I never thought I would be the type to cheat. I cannot live this way and often feel depressed about it. Please someone give me some advice on what to do. Or advice on how to tell him in the best way possible. Has anyone had a similar exerience?? I am so stupid.:(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): This is pretty much what I'm going through. He definitely deserves to know, but if he stays with you, be ready for your relationship to be really different. I confessed to my boyfriend and he was so hurt. It broke my heart even worse seeing him go through the pain of finding out. He took me back because he understood how sincerely regretful I was and he knows I wouldnt do it again, but he says it's always on his mind. I catch him crying sometimes it's really the worst. If you know you are going to be perfect to him from here on out maybe keep it to yourself? I don't know. that's probably awful advice I just hate seeing my baby so hurt and knowing it's my fault and I can never take it back. Things will get better with time though I hope. It's only been about a week since I confessed.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2009): i cheated on my boyfriend about 18 months ago we've been together for 2 and a half years. Im the same age as you and i did it for some of the same reasons being young n all. I also did it out of insecurity because i thought he was still in love with his ex..suppose i wad just being really immature. Again i felt extremly guilty at the time and was worried sick about the thoughtof loseing him but trust me.. Time will pass by and you'll feel lesd guilty. Your best not telling him. Remember though once a cheater always a cheater..sad but true. I always feel tempted but i have been great since. I feel like a bad person because of it but trust me, that sick feeling at the pit of your stomach will be gone before u know it. Good luck x
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (22 August 2009):
 My first inclination is to ask whether or not the other guy meant anything to you. It seems rather obvious he didn't.
So the cheating you're talking about is really just a sexual fling.
It also tells me you had doubts, and so you did something what ultimately turned out to be self-destructive.
Finally, I am thinking that you did not do this to hurt him, but simply to make up your mind.
So the answer to this one, as deeply as it hurts is that you want to first forgive yourself for doing this. Because it seems pretty clear to me that you can't get over it on a intra-personal level.
Then the next step is whether you can come clean with your boyfriend and remind him that this experience brought you closer to him, and was not meant to tear you away from him, or him from you.
Then again, he may leave you over it. I don't know.
Technically I don't think its "cheating" because you're not married. And technically speaking, its possible your boyfriend may have tango'd with someone else as well and not mentioned it.
So you have to dig down deep and make the decision. But I suggest you forgive yourself first. Its obvious you love your boyfriend and you want to go to him without all of the self-guilt dragging behind you.
On the other hand, if you forgive yourself for this, disclosing it would be redundant.
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A
male
reader, Perspicacious  +, writes (22 August 2009):
You are facing a difficult decision, and sometimes it helps to see your options written down in a different way. So here they are!
Option 1: Keep quiet and don't tell him. He will stay with you, but every day of your life the guilt and depression will continue to eat away at you.
Option 2: Tell him. He will be upset, and unhappy with you. He may leave you, in which case you will feel depressed while you recover. Time does mend a broken heart.
It seems clear to me that telling him is the only sensible option, as it will at least bring things to an end one way or other, whereas by not telling him drags this on and on forever.
If you also consider other issues, such as does he have a right to know, then I think you really have no option but to confess.
I know it won't be easy, it will lead to some harsh words, plenty of tears, and possibly end your relationship. But ultimately it will be for the best for both of you.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (22 August 2009):
 Well at least you feel guilty about things. That means you still have a feeling of right and wrong. And what you did was really stupid, so don't try to use the excuse of people trying to tell you that you should be single. What you did was on your shoulders only. Sex is a choice, not a personal necessity. What do you do? You're going to have to tell him the truth. If you truly love someone, you don't lie. When you mess up like this, you have to say something. It's really not fair to them to keep living the lie that you yourself created.
Think of it this way. This guy you're with deserves the right for himself to decide if he wants to stay with you or not. By lying, you're robbing him of his chance to do so. Which isn't something you do to someone you love. But hey, neither is cheating. Fix the wrong by doing a right. If he leaves, then maybe you have learned your lesson for next time around. Cheating causes quite a bit of pain. If he sticks around, consider yourself blessed. And don't do it again. Either way you can take this as a learning experience for the future. You should probably meet him in a private location and just tell him. There is no beating around the bushes when it comes to a subject like cheating.
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