A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi. I would like some advise. I have asked my friends but i feel that the more advise i get the better i can handle the situation.I met this guy, rather oddly in the street, about two months ago. ( we live about 200 miles from each other) We have been exchanging post, talking on the internet and have met up three times.the last time we met i walked into him by chance - and he said we should meet later, but he was a little busy. so, basically he didnt come to the pub and me being an idiot ( and wanting to have sex with him) jumped in a taxi and went to his house. it was sort of lovely except i noticed a packet of half used condoms on his shelf. so, i rather than making a deal about it i just went to sleep ( he had to get up to get a flight very early). In the morning, when i got up to leave i noticed the condoms had gone but the box was still there.The thing is i like this guy, and having a monogomous relationship is soemthing that is important to me. he has pointed out that he's not ready for a 'girl friend' . I guess, we havent been seeing each other long enough to constitute being monogomous, I just am rather perplexed about how I should tackle the condom issue.1. Should I just ignore him and leave it at that.2. Should I call him ( after a cooling down period) to ask him about it3. Should i say nothing
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male
reader, bhanu  +, writes (23 August 2009):
i guess u are crazy to have sex with him.. if so., why worry about his condom packets.. he does with someone else its his personal and rather u like to have with him then stop worrying about it.. as matter of fact, u r not his sole patner or wife to get tensed.. But, think as many times you want, before having sex..
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): Emilyanswers, I think the first line of your post is somewhat offensive. It's not just men who like having sex. There are plenty of women who like it as much, and plenty who like it more than many men. Just throwing that out there.As for the question, I agree with the other posts, he's made it clear he doesn't want a girlfriend right now, so although you may feel wronged, you were not. If your relationship becomes monogamous and things of that nature continued, THEN you could have an issue with it. Until then, it is what it is.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (22 August 2009):
 I think it's too soon in the relationship for you to expect him to be faithful to you. I also think monogamous relationships only work out when both parties live in the same town. And one other tip is the fact that he's already told you he's not wanting a girlfriend, so I think you are setting yourself up for a big disappointment if you think this guy's going to be faithful to you, when you live 200 miles apart.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): I don't think you really have the right to corner him and ask him about it. He told you he didn't want a girlfrien, so naturally, you will not be the only girl he is sleeping with. He can't do anything to cheat on you at this stage and he has not wronged you so I say, leave the issue alone.
~Sy.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (22 August 2009):
He's a man. Men like having sex.
However, sex is a leading cause of babies so many men keep condoms in their room.
He'll have been using them with all the other girls he's been having sex with. He probably hid them because they are embarrassing to leave lying around.
What on earth makes you think he's not been chatting to / having sex with other girls when he's not been chatting to you?
If you want a boyfriend, and he doesn't want a girlfriend, then leave him alone and let him get on with enjoying the single scene. Then you can meet a guy who DOES want a girlfriend and live happily ever after.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (22 August 2009):
 It sounds to me like you guys have an open relationship in this case it would be silly to say how you feel because he wont take much notice of it anyway
- he's already told you he isnt looking for a girlfriend which means no monogomy.
on the other hand if you declare how you feel to him about the condoms he may think its none of your business and you might frighten him off, its a choice you need to make.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (22 August 2009):
 Hey, I have to give this guy credit for at least being honest with you about how he feels when it comes to being in a relationship. The fact that he doesn't want one with you right now means that you guys are not monogamous. It means that you two are casually dating, and by the sounds of things you are also allowing sex into the equation without commitment. So why would this guy choose to be tied down to one person if he is getting sex for free? As for the entire condom deal, that's really none of your business. If he wants to have sex with other people, that's his personal life.
If you two were in a relationship, then it would definitely be your business. But you're not. You're just seeing each other every once in a while. Who he is with and who he has been with is really none of your concern, because you are basically the same status with him as any other woman he is having sex with. A casual fling. So what do you do? You're going to have to ignore it and say nothing. He'll just get irritated that you're being clingy for no reason. I mean, you're not even with the guy! If the condom thing really bothers you (which it really shouldn't, seeing as you are willing to have casual sex anyway), then stop seeing him. I don't know how you can expect him to be monogamous when you aren't even his girlfriend. Good luck.
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