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male
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*usty_a_d
writes: I've been with my gf for a li'll more than six years or so. And I must confess that I've taken her for granted many times. In this relationship, I am the stronger link, I was the one making the decisions etc. We're both 24 by the way. Lately, I find that our relationship is starting to get stale, we don't have much to talk about and most of the times when we see each other, I'll be sulky (for reasons I myself do not know).Recently, I brought up the topic that there could be something wrong with our relationship and that it's going no where. I expect her to say that it's not true and that we could work it out (we've talked about this before and she usually would never let go).However, this time, she agreed with me and then she asked for a break ... something she had never even hinted before. I was devastated. I asked her if this break could lead to a permanent break-up and she had no asnwer. Fr the next couple of days, I did all sorts of things to patch things up but she was adamant and insisted on a break. I'm sure there is no third party involved here.I'm sure I can change for the better and will treat her with more love and respect than ever before but I'm just worried that she might have lost that special feeling for me. Now I'm an emotional wreck. Everything and everywhere reminds me of her. I simply cannot lose her. I can't work, sleep or eat. My heart is shattered. We only correspond by email occasionally now and then. I do not wish to pressure her for she is like a very fragile bubble right now and if I prod too much, I'm afraid that the bubble might burst.Can anyone please offer me some sort of advise because the pain is just too much to bear right now. Don't tell me to move on with my life ... how can I when she is my life?
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female
reader, lisa_01  +, writes (9 March 2006):
 there are 2 sides to this, if you send that email there are going to be 2 possible outcomes, 1)she is gonna get upset that you tried to get in contact with her when she wanted a break from the relationship and then it will blow up in your face or 2)she will reply to your email and agree with whats in the email. i think sending an email is an ok idea, telling her that you love her still and that you totally respect that she wants a break from the relationship, tell her that you are always there for her and that when she is ready you would like to meet for a coffee and chat. i dont think that typing out a huge email to her about how much you love and miss her etc is going to help much, i think it needs to be fair more simple, tell her that you repect her wishes to have a break but make sure she understands that your ready to work on this when she is ready to come forward, tell her that you do love her and that you miss her but dont let it turn into a novel, tell her that you are inrested in making it work and growing together but that will only happen if there is communication and honesty with each other. in some ways i feel sorry for anyone that gets put on a break from there relationship, i think its cruel but on the other hand i think it would have taken alot of confidence from your g/f to stand up to you like that and i think its something she had probably been thinking about for awhile,its really up to you if you want to send an email or not, because i dont know whats going through your g/f'd mind and what her side of the story is but i know if i was in her sitution i would probably want ressurance,respect,honesty and i would want to know if my partner is going to communicate with me and unserstand what im trying to communicate ,i also think sharing values is very important in any relationship, i know all these things are easy said then done but thats why you need to communicate and grow together if this is what she wants.good luck, keep use posted on how things go.
A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (9 March 2006):
 You liked it when you were in controle of the relationship, this time she has agreed with you when you said the relationship had troubles and for once she has become strong and in controle and how you hate this!!
Well let look at the facts shall we, you agree the realationship was in trouble, she also agreed and did the one thing she has not done before and that was to call a halt to it.
She has woke up to you and your games, you really need to look at how you have treated her and why.
Relationships are equal, no one should be the stronger link as each has different qualities.
You are just upset as you realise you pushed her too far and she stood up to you.
This is a gamble you took when you told her the relationship was going no where, in the past she had begged for it to continue and if you look deep into your self this is what you thought she would do this time.
But she did not, and your plan backfired big time.
Now lecture is over!, you need to see what can be done, stop this nonsense about her being a fragile bubble, what crap she has just stood up to you, that is not fragile.
You need to talk to her, look at the good parts of the relationship and the bad and decide it there is a relationship.
If you both do this honestly and agree a way forward then the relationship should be ok, but both of you have to agree to a partnership, and joint working to get you over this and out the otherside, you cannot beat honesty in a relationship.
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A
male
reader, rusty_a_d +, writes (9 March 2006):
rusty_a_d is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey lisa 01,
Thanks for the reply. I have one other question, I had already typed out a long email, to tell my gf that I love her to bits but I can't keep on communicating through email as I'm suffocating just waiting for an answer from her. I'm suggesting that we take a break totally from each other ... basically means that we should have no contact whatsoever until she makes a decision. Do you think I should send her that email?
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A
female
reader, lisa_01 +, writes (9 March 2006):
sounds like things have stopped and gotten abit boring and stale in the relationship, i think most long term relationship wil go through a boring patch like this.i dont want you to take this the wrong way or anything but i think your behaviour and taking her for granted has made her rethink if she wants to continue with this relationship,but im sure that she also contributed in the communication break down, it takes 2 to talk and communicate not 1 . she is probably just trying to revaluate the relationship, it sounds like you do realise now what you had was great and now that you have almost lost it your wanting it so bad because you dont want anyone else to have it. your probably going to find that she is thinking the same thing but having doubts because of the way things have been in the relationship. when she is ready sit her down and talk, and you tell her that you love her, tell her you will respect her and that you plane to prove it to her if she is willing to come back from a break, even offer to go to counciling with her if needed. tell her you love her and need her. dont be too pushy as you may make it ten times worse and she might leave, just give it time. and also i think she may be lonly maybe if you 2 get back together permanently you two should make an effort to do something special together.best of luck.
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