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male
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anonymous
writes: PLIZ HELP...I've known my girlfriend for 3 years, we once broke up coz I was seeing another girl. But we got back together 1 1/2 years ago coz we still luved each other so much. but it has been a distance relationship. I vowed I would make it up to her and gain her trust again, which I've managed to do coz I've remained faithful ever since we got back together. I actualy wanted to marry her soon and she said yes. But I just found out that she cheated on me 3 months ago while she was at university! find out thru her emails, she was actualing confiding in a guy "friend". Who i've always felt was a threat, about how she had slept with a another guy on a couple of ocasions and wanted out, coz she luvs me. also found out she was into this online flirting, actualy she evean goes on to exchange contact details with some of these guys playing along and responsive to sexual gestures by the guys. I've told her but shes been evasive writes them off as harmless online friends. Is it evidence enough to show that she was cheating on the net too? if she luved me would she go on to do these things? I've told her over nd over about the guy friend but shes brushed it off and been evasive about it she creates a false state of security about it, like "Hes just a friend". Its almost like she doesnt want to stop communicating with him. Its all a complicated web of problems this time cozed by her. She says shes sorry about the cheating, as if its not enough on its own. She says she luvs me she beggs and realy wants to be my wife . she wants a second chance but its all too much. I'm trying to pull it together but how can I trust again? I still luv her but its not looking good. Do I move on or give it another chance? I want to be sure that I gave it my best shot when I move on, is there hope left in it? PLIZ HELP...
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (12 September 2006):
 I agree with Irish on this one. You have to let her go and let her find her nitch. Those feelings of hurt are still there and its time for a break, a real break!!! You have to let her go out there and find out what the cold world has to offer as painful for you as it might be. She has to grow up and to do that she must be on her own. Loving someone enough to let them go, no matter how it affects you, is a true sign of love because you are willing to put your happiness to the side for the sake of theirs. Good Luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2006): Your gf is much too tempted to try sowing her wild oats, by plunging herself into these non-stop adventures. So in my opinion, it sounds like your g/f is pretty young and not at the same committment level in this relationship as you are. Learn to discern the difference between what she saying to you and what her behaviours are telling you. Quite a glaring differentiation, I would say. So take this discrepancies, and make a mature decision about 'who' she truely is and how she feels about you. She may love you but the trust is shattered. And trust is foundational in a committed relationship. I suggest you take a break and let her do with her life what she needs to do. Some people have a lot of living to do before they're truly ready to settle. She needs time to find her own rhythms, date a variety of people. It's tough for you, but she needs to do this and you have to accept that she needs to do this. As hard as it is, you will have to let go or her uncaring, cheating behaviours will continually drag you down, into the depths of despair. So no..right now there is not a lot of hope unless she makes remarkable changes. And she's just simply not there, yet. Perhaps in time..you both can pick up where you left off or not. But..you deserve to find someone who will fully commit to you so give yourself the opportunity to get out and date other people, as well.
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A
female
reader, joeymac +, writes (12 September 2006):
it seems to me like when u cheated at first u really hurt her and although she came back because she still loved u, she must've loved u SOOO much, and now u'v numbed part of that. u'v killed part of that flame she had inside for u and u probably send her self esteem plumetting. what she is doing now is kind of pay back, she still feels angry and although its wrong i don't think things will ever be back to how they once were, when everything was pure and untouched, and now its been ripped apart and scarred. i never cheated on my ex because i loved him, respected him, blatently just wasn't interested in anyone else, and because i didn't want to put that dirty mark on the relationship which would have haunted us forever. i think its time u let it go it seems jaded and ruined now, sorry. good luck xxxx
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A
female
reader, ask paige  +, writes (12 September 2006):
 darlin
i feel really sorry to say but i really think that u should move on i mean i believe that she does love u but sometimes in relationships u may seem to get a bit bored of seeing and being with the same person all the time so if your only dating now how enclosed is she gonna feel if u get married! i understand it is a very difficult situation and it feels hard to get over someone you love so much but at the end of the day it really is up to u u can move on and find someone else or u can forgive her and in time marry her but if u plan to get back together with her let me give u some advice if u do decide to give the relationship another try dont rush into marrige because u think that will be easier make sure u can trust her and of course he trust u then u should really talk to each other about marriage and just being together in general good luck remeber it is all up to u luv paige xxxx
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