A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I started talking to this guy, who I met online, 8 months ago. We live two states away from each other and started developing this amazing emotional connection. We did eventually meet and the connection was even stronger. About three months into talking I was struggling financially as well as my ex. My ex moved back in the house to help with bills and the kids. I let my guy friend know about it and he understood, its not like we are an official couple or anything. Since I care for this guy so much I decided to tell my mom about him. I was also planning a weekend vacation so we can spend time together. Well she did some digging on him to make sure I was not being fooled. She found his ex wife's facebook page and didn't like what she seen. It seemed like they were still married. So I asked him if he was still with his wife and he told me no but they still have to deal with each other because of the kids. Which I completely understand. But I knew that wasn't the truth because some of the stuff she posted. So I told him its best we don't talk anymore because I felt like something wasn't right. The next day I told him I seen her fb page and asked him to be honest with me. He eventually told me that she moved back in 3 months ago because she needed help. I told him sorry for everything and he said its his fault for falling for women he can't have. I told him I never said he couldn't have me. That was the last thing we said to each other. We haven't talked for about three days now and its driving me crazy. I don't even know what to say to him. So my question is should I try reaching out to him one last time or should I give him time and let him contact me first?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 January 2014):
 Most people who fall into financial issues don't solve them by inviting an ex back into the house. You are not in any shape to be getting into a new relationship. Did you even tell the guy you're still in contact with your ex before he moved back in??
You need to face the facts that you're in no condition to be going after a relationship. You met a guy who was just like you - not over his "ex", but in this case, he was still married. Not much difference between him and you. You don't complicate a relationship by adding a third party. You having your ex live with you is a deal-breaking complication. It's your life, and it very well may be for financial reasons, but you had better recognize the tradeoff of being out of market due to your huge baggage. You stay in contact with the ex (except in kid matters), and you don't move on. Contacting Mr. Married Man is useless and futile, especially since I doubt his wife knows anything about what he's doing.
A
male
reader, Geta +, writes (21 January 2014):
Withholding information that is vital to a relationship is always a deal breaker but lying is an immediate one. You should be glad your mother looked him up.
I'd suggest you fix your personal issues and look for an honest guy that will be upfront with you. I know several people who have been lied to prior to things turning serious one of which, a female, is having a devistated marriage after she found out her husband was married previously.
Lying in a relationship is a very bad thing. Move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2014): I think you both are far too involved with your exes, and live too far apart. There is distance, and too much unexplained and unfinished business.
Concentrate on getting your finances in order; and setting your own priorities. You haven't really established any emotional ties to that guy. He's more of a curiosity than anything else. You know more than you need to know, and that should be enough to make you back off.
Let him alone, and minimize the potential drama and complications in your life. You've got kids to be concerned about. You're not single and alone. Your nonsense affects their lives too.
If you see a train coming, get off the tracks!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 January 2014):
 Two people who seem incapable of telling the truth and being honest with one-another. You and this guy seem to be a perfect match....
Perhaps you can put your "ex-s" in touch with one-another.... they will hit it off.... and the four of you can become on big, happy family!!!!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 January 2014):
 You are both having to deal with "exes" and apparently his ex isn't QUITE the ex after all.
Cut the contact, he was playing a game of "fantasy" what if I was single game.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (21 January 2014):
 This is a huge problem when it comes to online relationships, you have no idea if a person is telling the truth. He has lied to you about this, and I hate to say but there could be so much more, how do you know his wife moved in 3 months ago? how do you know she hasn't been there all along? how do you know if they are still together or not? how do you know if she is aware he husband is talking to you? How do you know if he is cheating on her with you? They are the questions you must ask yourself, he denied it once, that means he could deny anything else and you wouldn't know. I understand you have feelings for him, but this seems like its already going in the wrong direction, I think that if you wanted closure then you NEED to speak to his wife. As I said, you have no idea if they are still involved romantically with eachother, and for her that would be tragic. In my personal opinion even though it sounds easier than it is, I wouldn't reach out to him, I would just get on with life and find someone who had the decency to tell me the truth like you have with him. However if you do want to reach out to him, I would maybe ask him for the complete truth and if you had to I would cross check what he has said with his wife to see if he is just another liar or not. I wish you the best of luck x
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